Called me "Skinny"-grumble

OH Juli · October 5, 2007

I have a coworker who had gastric bypass a few years ago. She's kept most of her weight off. We talk WLS. I love her.

Today, she comes into my office saying, "Hey there Skinny!" and I visable cringed.

It had to be discussed, because I didn't want to hurt her feelings, but damn, I don't want to called, "Skinny" either.

Not because I'm not or anything like that, but because it's not the sole thing that defines me. I guess I didn't want to be called, "fattie" either. Or, "half way there girl!"

Anyone have any insights?

Cerrin · October 5, 2007

Yeah I have to agree. I would rather have someone just use my name. Sometimes nicknames can come accross wrong

Chris_NJ · October 5, 2007

I have a feeling she meant no harm by what she said. Since she has pretty much been where you are now she knows how you emotionally feel. I agree it may of affected you differently then she intended, but I wouldn't take it to much to heart.

Smile you have lost a lot of weight ! :clap2:

babygrl1234 · October 5, 2007

Just tell her to call you J. You like that nickname =)

A lady I work with (not one of the crazy ones) calls me Slim all the time. Personally it bugs me because I am not slim. I want to be slim but i am not even close. But at the same time I realize she is complimenting me so I try to not get too upset about it.

kirajh · October 5, 2007

Sounds to me like she is using the word skinny to encourage you. She's been in your shoes and it probably worked for her and now she is trying to help you/ Do I make sense here?

OH Juli · October 5, 2007

You do and it's totally my issue. She was being super sweet.

There just seems like there's an appropriate time to talk weight and not an appropriate time.

The same discomfort happend once when a coworker with whom I've been very open about the my surgery (she's heavy too) started talking about it in front of someone I didn't know at all. She was asking me stuff I'd share with her one on one but not with someone I didn't know....

Jacked up I realize, it's a boundary thing for me, I'm just looking for the right words to use....

faithmd · October 5, 2007

You do and it's totally my issue. She was being super sweet.
There just seems like there's an appropriate time to talk weight and not an appropriate time.

The same discomfort happend once when a coworker with whom I've been very open about the my surgery (she's heavy too) started talking about it in front of someone I didn't know at all. She was asking me stuff I'd share with her one on one but not with someone I didn't know....

Jacked up I realize, it's a boundary thing for me, I'm just looking for the right words to use....

The skinny thing doesn't bother me so much (I have only had one person say it, and at about 3 bills, I am FAR from that!), but I have one co-worker who has also been banded and she talks about it from time to time with me in front of others. That really bothers me because she knows that she is only 1 of 3 people among the 140 or so that we work with who knows. How do you stop people? And she doesn't want folks to know about her band, either. So you would think she'd be more sensitive!

OH Juli · October 5, 2007

Yeah, where is Miss Manners when you really need her?

Because I typically get snappy and turn and run. After the fact I'm pretty good at saying, "You're part of the inner circle. I don't share everything with everyone..."

But when it's happening, my first instinct is to say, "Are you talking about YOUR weight loss surgery? I didn't think Joe-Bob here knew YOU had that done." Which isn't nice at all.

faithmd · October 5, 2007

Oh no, I think it is pretty nice! I think that actually would work pretty well.

I'll have to remember it!

juliegeraci · October 5, 2007

Take the compliment in stride. I'm sure she meant it that way.

WASaBubbleButt · October 6, 2007

I usually try to go by the person's intent and her intent was clearly not to insult you but to encourage you. Everyone takes those kinds of comments differently and until someone says it they don't really know how you are going to react or respond.

Just go by intent, her intent is to be a friend and supportive. She's trying, it's a lot better than not trying at all.

musicalmomma · October 6, 2007

...
The same discomfort happend once when a coworker with whom I've been very open about the my surgery (she's heavy too) started talking about it in front of someone I didn't know at all. She was asking me stuff I'd share with her one on one but not with someone I didn't know....

I SO relate to this...I told this lady about my surgery, because she was thinking about getting it! She then started discussing it openly, in public forums. So I told her that I didn't want a lot of people to know and that I only told her because she was considering WLS. She apologized...THEN...just a couple of weeks ago, she introduces me to another lady then says right in front of her..."So, how much is it now?" I looked at her puzzled...she looks at the lady I was JUST introduced to and says "She had that LapBand surgery....so, how much have you lost now?" I looked at her and said, "Gee, thanks for giving my medical history to my new friend here ". We had a good giggle, but I think she FINALLY got the point!