Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

Will anyone see me?



Recommended Posts


I did have it short and too the point and then I changed it and it became wordy. I did have a part about what I wanted in a woman but then I didn't want to turn off someone. I'll have to revamp it. I tend to have a dry sense of humor and I'm not sure that comes out in text. My emails to women have been asking something about what they have in their profile. I purposely avoided commenting on their looks.


Well I think, from reading your profile, that you seem like a fun and sweet person with a lot to offer. The right woman will see that. Be encouraged!! Saying what you want in a partner won't turn women off. It's good to state those things. Complimenting a woman on her smile is always a good way to go. Definitely don't make comments about her body .... but a smile or saying she looks fun... interesting... joyful.... women like that. Don't give up. Just keep being yourself and going for what makes you happy. The right one is out there.


Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I shortened it up and added back what I'm looking for. Hopefully this will be better. I'll go back to some of the people I emailed and look at their profiles and maybe get their attention again to go back and look at my profile.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

So, I'm a complicated widow of almost 4 years. I've tried the online dating thing a few times. Once quite recently. Because of my size I hate my full body picture taken. So I don't have many. I actually found one on my phone the other day and sent it to a man I'd been speaking to (texting with) and within hours of receiving the picture, he mysteriously loses his phone we've been texting on and he starts texting from a phone with a number from another state!
I had high hopes for this one,too. It took a lot of guts on my part to send him that picture to begin with. Now I'm questioning all the strength I built up to send it in the first place. It's like it's gone. If I can't trust someone to like or even love me for what's inside of me now, then how am I supposed to trust anyone to like or even love me when I'm a skinny Minnie?
Had anyone had these feelings or gone through this? Do you know anyone who's had the surgery and then met their one and them not question why now and not then?


I know complete what you mean but I feel like if they see my now pic and run the other way then good cuz I dont want to know them anyways.. Took a long time to be comfy in the skin Im in... My wls was because of health issues.. So yeah, I'm making them know me this way then if they keep wanting to know me I'll share that I had wls and I'm losing weight.. Love yourself the way you are and don't take it personal.. Its their issue not yours!!

Munky

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites


I know complete what you mean but I feel like if they see my now pic and run the other way then good cuz I dont want to know them anyways.. Took a long time to be comfy in the skin Im in... My wls was because of health issues.. So yeah, I'm making them know me this way then if they keep wanting to know me I'll share that I had wls and I'm losing weight.. Love yourself the way you are and don't take it personal.. Its their issue not yours!!

Munky


Thanks Munky! That's a great outlook. I actually did put myself out there after I originally posted this thread. I don't remember so many perverts the last time I tried this though. Lol. It has been a couple years and actually how I met my best friend. It didn't work out for us romantically, but we did become real great friends and I'm grateful to the heavens for that friendship.

Now to find a friendship like that that will lead to a romance and I'll be doing real good!



Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites


Thanks Munky! That's a great outlook. I actually did put myself out there after I originally posted this thread. I don't remember so many perverts the last time I tried this though. Lol. It has been a couple years and actually how I met my best friend. It didn't work out for us romantically, but we did become real great friends and I'm grateful to the heavens for that friendship.

Now to find a friendship like that that will lead to a romance and I'll be doing real good![emoji23]




What makes them perverts? I've got over 100 emails out to women with no responses so maybe they think I'm a pervert.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Women must not like big guys because I am AWESOME! I am smart, funny, tall, good looking, have a great job, a great sense of humor, and most of all I am very humble!!! I just assume that most women are intimidated by me! :D

Hang in there, buddy!!! Oh by the way, dogs are better than people any day!

Good luck to you!!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites


What makes them perverts? I've got over 100 emails out to women with no responses so maybe they think I'm a pervert.


Only if you're asking them if they want to see you in all your glory in the very first message you send them. Lol

I had another ask me for a picture that I could take when I was alone. If I have to be alone to take the picture, I could only imagine what he wanted to see. Then when I told him I didn't like pictures taken of myself he made a very rude, crude, and socially unacceptable comment and I told him good luck in his search.

I had another flat out ask for a nude pic because fat women are hot.

This has only been in the last week or so.

It's scary.

Why can't I find decent guys like you and Big guy that are anywhere close to where I live? I've even had someone message me wanting a serious relationship from three states away.

Maybe it's because it was on Tinder and POF.

And do most guys expect to have sex before they'll even propose to a girl? There's a question on OKC that asks if it's necessary to have sex before a proposal or marriage is considered. Most of the responses I've seen say yes.

There was another question that asked after how many dates it's appropriate to have sex and most that I've seen anyway say between 3&5 dates. The first time I got married I was pregnant. Even though that's not possible for me anymore, is it just totally naive to want to do it right this time around?

I'm thinking I'm just an old fashioned hopeless romantic that wants to take her time before hopping into bed with someone. Most of the profiles I've seen make me feel like a shriveled prude.

I will respond to any message I'm sent until I don't feel comfortable with where the conversation is going or if the initial message is crude or perverted. So don't give up. She's out there somewhere



Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Regardless of how other people are answering those questions, the only answer to those questions that should matter to you are how you would answer them. I'm not involved in online dating, but my sister is pretty hot and heavy into that scene and the only thing that has gotten her is 4 kids with 4 different dads.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Women must not like big guys because I am AWESOME! I am smart, funny, tall, good looking, have a great job, a great sense of humor, and most of all I am very humble!!! I just assume that most women are intimidated by me! [emoji3]
Hang in there, buddy!!! Oh by the way, dogs are better than people any day!

Good luck to you!!!


I would love to meet someone with all those qualities BigDaddy13. I love to laugh and I love big guys. The taller the better. [emoji5] There's someone out there for all of us. We just gotta find them!



Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Hoping052017

My partner and I have been together for over 8 years. When we met (we were friends for a couple of years before we started dating), and after we started dating, we were a normal size (I weighed about 220 at the time, and he weighed about 180). We steadily gained weight together with me maxing out at 397 and him at 315. Now he weighs about 200 and I weigh about 210. He is done with his weight loss and I still have a little more I want to lose.

We have loved each other all along, and I am so thankful for him. Taking all this weight off together made the whole journey even more meaningful.

What is difficult for us now is the attention we get when we do decide to go out. Gay men are a breed of their own. It is hilarious the guys that will trip over stools to get to us now when a year ago, they wouldn't have even said hello. We have both been out of that side of the gay world for a while, so the aggressive nature of the whole thing is almost new to us, even though we've been in the game before (albeit a long time ago).

All this is to say that I understand your hesitations about people and their intentions. The right one will eventually come along, and I wish you the best as you seek to find him.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, Hoping052017 said:


Only if you're asking them if they want to see you in all your glory in the very first message you send them. Lol

I had another ask me for a picture that I could take when I was alone. If I have to be alone to take the picture, I could only imagine what he wanted to see. Then when I told him I didn't like pictures taken of myself he made a very rude, crude, and socially unacceptable comment and I told him good luck in his search.

I had another flat out ask for a nude pic because fat women are hot.

This has only been in the last week or so.

It's scary.

Why can't I find decent guys like you and Big guy that are anywhere close to where I live? I've even had someone message me wanting a serious relationship from three states away.

Maybe it's because it was on Tinder and POF.

And do most guys expect to have sex before they'll even propose to a girl? There's a question on OKC that asks if it's necessary to have sex before a proposal or marriage is considered. Most of the responses I've seen say yes.

There was another question that asked after how many dates it's appropriate to have sex and most that I've seen anyway say between 3&5 dates. The first time I got married I was pregnant. Even though that's not possible for me anymore, is it just totally naive to want to do it right this time around?

I'm thinking I'm just an old fashioned hopeless romantic that wants to take her time before hopping into bed with someone. Most of the profiles I've seen make me feel like a shriveled prude.

I will respond to any message I'm sent until I don't feel comfortable with where the conversation is going or if the initial message is crude or perverted. So don't give up. She's out there somewhere


I don't ask anything like that. I actually make it a point not to bring up looks on the first message. I find in my area the free sites bring a lot of unsavory people. I was liked by a professional dominatrix on POF. I have a lot of great matches on Match and eHarmony. Over 100 actually. That's not including the ones I was on the fence about and didn't message because I was tired of sending messages that don't get returned, or the ones I deemed out of my league. I'm guessing if there are that many good women in my area, then there must be a lot of guys I'm competing with. I've only been searching within 30 miles of my area. No shortage of potential matches, I just don't seem to have the magic touch.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't ask anything like that. I actually make it a point not to bring up looks on the first message. I find in my area the free sites bring a lot of unsavory people. I was liked by a professional dominatrix on POF. I have a lot of great matches on Match and eHarmony. Over 100 actually. That's not including the ones I was on the fence about and didn't message because I was tired of sending messages that don't get returned, or the ones I deemed out of my league. I'm guessing if there are that many good women in my area, then there must be a lot of guys I'm competing with. I've only been searching within 30 miles of my area. No shortage of potential matches, I just don't seem to have the magic touch.

I hope I'm not getting too personal, but do you pay for the eHarmony and Match.com sites? I don't really have the money to pay for them, so I just use the free parts of them. [emoji53]



Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

8 minutes ago, Hoping052017 said:


I hope I'm not getting too personal, but do you pay for the eHarmony and Match.com sites? I don't really have the money to pay for them, so I just use the free parts of them. emoji53.png


Try POF.com

It's a pay site, but you can actually message users without paying.

Match.com is HORRIBLE!!! There are mostly scammers and paid/fake profiles on there.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

37 minutes ago, Hoping052017 said:


I hope I'm not getting too personal, but do you pay for the eHarmony and Match.com sites? I don't really have the money to pay for them, so I just use the free parts of them. emoji53.png


I only paid for a month to try it out. You can google and find coupon codes. There are fake accounts on Match but they are pretty easy to spot. When you see someone who looks like a model with a vague profile seeking men 20-80 and to email them at some gmail account, you know it's fake.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I only paid for a month to try it out. You can google and find coupon codes. There are fake accounts on Match but they are pretty easy to spot. When you see someone who looks like a model with a vague profile seeking men 20-80 and to email them at some gmail account, you know it's fake.

Thank you. I figure I've only been on there a little over a week now, so hopefully someone will be real soon. [emoji1]



Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • Prdgrdma

      So I guess after gastric bypass surgery, I cant eat flock chips because they are fried???  They sell them on here so I thought I could have them. So high in protein and no carbs.  They don't bother me at all.  Help. 
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        It's possible for a very high fat meal to cause dumping in some (30% or so) gastric bypass patients, although it's more likely to be triggered by high sugar, or by the high fat/high sugar combo (think ice cream, donuts). Dietitians will tell you to never do anything that isn't 100% healthy ever again. Realistically, you should aim for a good balance of protein, carbs, and fat each day. Should you eat fried foods every day? No. Is it possible they will make you sick? Maybe. Is it okay to eat some to see what happens and have them for a treat every now and again? Yes.

    • NovelTee

      I'm not at all hungry on this liquid pre-op diet, but I miss the sensation of chewing. It's been about two weeks––surgery is in two days––and I can't imagine how I'll feel a couple of weeks post-op. Tonight, I randomly stumbled upon a mukbang channel on YouTube, and it was strangely soothing... is it just me, or is this a thing? 
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        I actually watched cooking shows during my pre-op, like Great British Baking Show. It was a little bizarre, but didn't make me hungry. I think it was also soothing in a way.

    • Clueless_girl

      How do you figure out what your ideal weight should be? I've had a figure in my head for years, but after 3 mths of recovery I'm already almost there. So maybe my goal should be lower?
      · 3 replies
      1. NickelChip

        Well, there is actually a formula for "Ideal Body Weight" and you can use a calculator to figure it out for you. This one also does an adjusted weight for a person who starts out overweight or obese. https://www.mdcalc.com/calc/68/ideal-body-weight-adjusted-body-weight

        I would use that as a starting point, and then just see how you feel as you lose. How you look and feel is more important than a number.

      2. Clueless_girl

        I did find different calculators but I couldn't find any that accounted for body frame. But you're right, it is just a number. It was just disheartening to see that although I lost 60% of my excess weight, it's still not in the "normal/healthy" range..

      3. NickelChip

        I think it's important to remember that the weight charts and BMI ranges were developed a very long time ago and only intended to be applied to people who have never been overweight or obese. Those numbers aren't for us. When you are larger, especially for a long time, your body develops extra bone to support the weight. Your organs get a little bigger to handle the extra mass. Your entire infrastructure increases so you can support and function with the extra weight. That doesn't all go away just because you burn off the excess fat. If you still had a pair of jeans from your skinniest point in life and then lost weight to get to the exact number on the scale you were when those jeans fit you, chances are they would be a little baggy now because you would actually be thinner than you were, even though the scale and the BMI chart disagree. When in doubt, listen to the jeans, not the scale!

    • Aunty Mamo

      Tomorrow marks two weeks since surgery day and while I'm feeling remarkably well and going about just about every normal activity, I did wind up with a surface abscess on on of my incision sights and was put on an antibiotic that made me so impacted that it took me more than two hours to eliminate yesterday and scared the hell out of me. Now there's Miralax in all my beverages that aren't Smooth Move tea. I cannot experience that again. I shouldn't have to take Ativan to go to the lady's. I really looking forward to my body getting with the program again. 
      I'm in day three of the "puree" stage of eating and despite the strange textures, all of the savory flavors seem decadent. 
      I timed this surgery so that I'd be recovering during my spring break. That was a good plan. Today is a state holiday and the final day of break. I feel really strong to return to school tomorrow. 
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • BeanitoDiego

      Now that I'm in maintenance mode, I'm getting a into a routine for my meals. Every day, I start out with 8-16 ounces of water, and then a proffee, which I have come to look forward to even the night before. My proffees are simply a black coffee with a protein powder added. There are three products that I cycle through: Premier Vanilla, Orgain Vanilla, and Dymatize Vanilla.
      For second breakfast on workdays, I will have a low-fat yogurt with two tablespoons of PBFit and two teaspoons of no sugar added dried cherries. I will have ingested 35-45 grams of protein at this point between the two breakfasts, with 250-285 calories, and about 20 carbs.
      For second breakfast on non-workdays, I will prepare two servings of plain, instant oatmeal with a tablespoon of an olive oil-based spread. This means I will have had 34 grams of protein, 365 calories, and 38 carbs. Non-workdays are when I am being very active with training sessions, so I allow myself more carbohydrate fuel.
      Snacks on any day are always mixed nuts, even when I am travelling. I will have 0.2 cups of a blend that I make myself. It consists of dry roasted peanuts, cashews, pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, pistachios, and Brazil nuts. This is 5 grams of protein, 163 calories, and 7 carbs.
      Breakfast and snacks have been the easiest to nail down. Lunch and dinner have more variables, and I prepare enough for leftovers. I concentrate on protein first, and then add vegetables. Typically tempeh, tofu, or Field Roast products with roasted or sautéed vegetables. Today, I will be eating leftovers from last night. Two ounces of tempeh with four ounces of roasted vegetables that consist of red and yellow sweet peppers, sweet potatoes, small purple potatoes, zucchini, and carrots. I will add a tablespoon of olive oil-based spread, break up 3 walnuts to sprinkle of top, and garnish with two tablespoons of grated Parmesan cheese. This particular meal will be 19 grams of protein, 377 calories, and 28 grams of carbs. Bear in mind that I do eat more carbs when I am not working, and I focus on ingesting healthy carbs instead of breads/crackers/chips/crisps.
      It's a helluva journey and I'm thankful to be on it!
       
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×