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I'm a little ticked, and in need of advice.



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So I had gastric sleeve surgery back in January. I really didn't want to tell anyone/ I wasn't ready to tell the world. I'm still not. However I tried to let my immediate family know mainly my mom my dad and by brother who is married. Now my problem is second hand I hear that my Sister in law has told her whole side of the family(the in laws)....I'm not really ok with that. Actually I'm super upset, to hear that. Like I'm not stupid I've lost like 50 pounds in 3 months. I know I can't hide it forever. But I really am sad that she didn't respect my privacy about the issue. I'm going to have to face them all next week at a party and I'm just super anxious because to be honest I do not want to discuss it with them.....any tips to deal with like... them being nosey stuff?

I'm trying not to be mad I guess technically their family but really? Why blab my buiseness to anyone? when I had made it a point to keep it quiet.

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Also to add....am I just over thinking it? Am I making a big deal out of nothing?

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Try not to stress about it so much. Alot of people are just curious and actually don't know anything about it. If they ask tell them and be proud. You loss alot of weight so far. You must feel great and be very proud of yourself. Weightloss surgery isn't a easy decision to make. In the end this surgery is just a tool. Your still doing all the work to get the weight off. I hope that everything goes well. You got this. Stay strong



HW: 420 (January 2016)
CW: 260 (March 2017)

Instagram: vsg_queendiet



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So I had gastric sleeve surgery back in January. I really didn't want to tell anyone/ I wasn't ready to tell the world. I'm still not. However I tried to let my immediate family know mainly my mom my dad and by brother who is married. Now my problem is second hand I hear that my Sister in law has told her whole side of the family(the in laws)....I'm not really ok with that. Actually I'm super upset, to hear that. Like I'm not stupid I've lost like 50 pounds in 3 months. I know I can't hide it forever. But I really am sad that she didn't respect my privacy about the issue. I'm going to have to face them all next week at a party and I'm just super anxious because to be honest I do not want to discuss it with them.....any tips to deal with like... them being nosey stuff?
I'm trying not to be mad I guess technically their family but really? Why blab my buiseness to anyone? when I had made it a point to keep it quiet.



Definitely not too cool that she would do that, but try not to have a resentment towards her.
You are not obligated to talk about it, so if you don't want to talk about it then don't.
I am sure they will understand if you tell them you don't want to talk about it.



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Regardless of what you wanted, it's out now. Embrace it. Holding a grudge will only add negativity to what sounds like an otherwise positive experience so far. Be proud!

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I know how you feel. It's not right, and it wasn't her story to tell. I've had it happen to me at work. One person in particular approached me in a gossipy manner (I'll spare you the details on what I mean by that) and said, "So looks like that surgery worked for you." Now I know I never told her. I responded, "Oh? Do you know that I had surgery firsthand?" She didn't understand what I meant. I asked her if she heard that through gossip or directly from me. Then I just stared at her. She got the message and slinked away. She's not a nice person, never been my confidant, has one of the biggest mouths in the company, and I don't think I've ever heard a kind word or tone come out of her mouth. I don't feel bad for not acknowledging that I really had surgery. She could take whatever she wanted from my answer. She would do that regardless of what I said.


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I told anyone and everyone from the moment I decided to move toward sleeve surgery (including before my six month pre-op diet program began). That decision has, continues to, and will keep me accountable. That's powerful.

As @smg said, the cat is out of the bag now. Embrace it and use it to move you in a positive direction. The journey is long and hard enough without adding resentment and negativity to it.

Good luck!

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I would feel the same way but yeah, the cat is out of the bag now and you just have to make the best of it. Family is family but for future reference you know now who to share things with and who to not share with.

When you get to the party, most likely everyone will just tell you how great you look. I would just emphasize that it's still hard work and that it's not the easy way out. When I've been faced with this, I typically will point out how much respect I have for those that did it before me and that I didn't realize that it was still going to take a lot of hard work and persistence. Believe me, it's not for the weak at heart! You have to be prepared for the pain of occasionally eating too fast or eating too much, it's not a true "pain event" for those who haven't had surgery!

Hang in there and let us know how it turns out. It will probably go smoother than you expect. Most people are mostly just impressed with the changes.

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Once you tell anyone a secret it isn't a secret anymore. 3 people know I had surgery, none of them know each other and they live in 3 different states.

There isn't anything you can do now.

Just own it. If you don't want to talk about it just stonewall people.

When people post on here asking about telling, if you don't want everyone to know, don't tell anyone. You can't un tell.

If she was my SIL, she would be dead to me forever. I would never speak to her again. You don't have to hold a grudge but you also don't have to talk or deal with her. She isn't a blood relative, you didn't choose her as family. I would act like she and her family don't even exist.

Edited by OutsideMatchInside

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Thanks guys you all bring up very valid and good points. I know what's done is done and as much as I'd like to go back before she said anything and keep her from doing it I can't. I'm trying to move past being upset about it as well.

My SIL is married to my only brother so cutting her out wouldn't work for me. I'd hate to loose access to my niece and nephew who I love dearly.

SO, gotta play nice :C however I love the tips for tiptoeing around talking about the sleeve and still remaining polite. I'm not ready to talk about it yet and am hoping I won't need to deflect either at the party.

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I felt similar to you! There are a few "gossip" queens and kings in my family, and once one person was told, pretty much everyone else knew within a few days. At first I was mad and honestly a little embarrassed, but then their positive vibes kept me uplifted. They were nothing but supportive and wanted to know about my progress and a couple girls had even said they had looked into it, so I was answering questions for them. It's awkward in the beginning but remember that you made an awesome, life-changing decision to have major surgery, and they should do nothing but be proud of you and the awesome progress you've already made!!

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I'm so glad a person I knew told me many years ago that she'd had gastric surgery. I never knew her heavy and was blown away at how amazing she looked! If it weren't for her I probably never would have proceeded. I've decided to tell people and hopefully, I'll help someone make their decision.


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