Never thought I'd regret it...but here I am

[janedoe92 260]

I remember when I got the surgery I was sooo incredibly happy. I'm finally losing weight more than I have doing every diet known to man, but can't find the happiness in it anymore. I've been struggling for awhile with how my life is already changing. I've always been a pretty social person (I'm 24 so i liked to go out often, drink with friends, lunches, things of that sort). I knew that would change and I thought I prepared myself. Now I feel almost alone in a sense. I no longer have that social aspect to my life and it kills me. I still want to go out, but of course people don't want to go out with someone that's not going to drink. The friend I had for support is still supportive, but even she at most times doesn't understand because we had two different surgeries (she was sleeved I had the switch), and it seems like she doesn't get how things can be different for me, so I no longer have anyone to talk to about my journey.

Now I'm having a complication, which is so frustrating to me. My recovery was so incredibly smooth and I was able to get all liquids and Protein within 3 days. Now I am struggling and have sever nausea. I am in touch with my team, but it's not as easy seeing as I live 4 hours away from them. We're thinking it may be dehydration but I'm hoping not because she said I would have to do a home health stay and get iv fluids. I cannot afford anymore time off work, or school and I am in an internship and can't afford to miss days there either. I feel so depressed about this whole situation, and just wish better days would come where I am not regretting the surgery and can finally enjoy losing the weight

[Hellya 144]

I'm sorry you are struggling. The first couple of months are an emotional rollercoaster. Things don't feel like they are going fast enough, hormones are all over the place, you are still adjusting to the changes and you are still healing. All of that does get easier, I promise.

[sloknitter 9]

Hi. I feel for your struggle. I'm only 4 weeks out and have mixed feelings. I tried advancing to soft food but kept getting sick. Put myself back on puréed for another week. We'll see.. so looking forward to chewing.

About the alcohol. I quit drinking alcohol 6 years ago.. for a bit it bothered me but now I have found substitute liquids to order and I don't think my old friends ever notice. And I still have fun going out. You can order "virgin" versions of many drinks. I just tell any one who looks my that I don't like alcohol or prefer not to drink it.

[Berry78 4,261]

Like sloknitter said. Plus, you can be a designated driver!

I am sorry to hear about your complication. Hopefully you can figure out how to get the care you need without so much interference in your work/school.

[janedoe92 260]

Thanks everyone! Yeah I'm hoping I can get pass this complication and that it doesn't get work, but as for the alcohol i don't mind not drinking, but it seems like the friends I hung out with do mind, so I'm not invited to go certain places or to go out which I still enjoy doing, but just not drinking. Idk, it just sucks that they don't feel the need to hang out with me, when we could do other stuff too you know? Doesn't have to be going out.

[BayougirlMrsS 3,938]

Jane.... i had the band, so im not sure why you can't drink. Can you fill me in?

[Soyounique 35]

13 minutes ago, janedoe92 said:

Thanks everyone! Yeah I'm hoping I can get pass this complication and that it doesn't get work, but as for the alcohol i don't mind not drinking, but it seems like the friends I hung out with do mind, so I'm not invited to go certain places or to go out which I still enjoy doing, but just not drinking. Idk, it just sucks that they don't feel the need to hang out with me, when we could do other stuff too you know? Doesn't have to be going out.

I decided I didn't want to drink alcoholic beverages when I was 22yrs old.. (Wish I had given up sugar as easily) I told everyone since there was nothing I would do drunk, that I wouldn't do sober... Let's cut out the middle man and save the hangover! I was ALWAYS the life of the party! (And designated driver) ... So show your friends you still know how to have a good time.. Or forget em! Find new friends! ?

[Berry78 4,261]

Sounds like you are due an upgrade in friends. True friends stick with you through thick and thin...

[joycey100 95]

True friends stay together and love you for who you are . The only ones who will struggle and the ones you leave behind . Stay strong and there's more to life then drinking . Best wishes

[janedoe92 260]

Jane.... i had the band, so im not sure why you can't drink. Can you fill me in?

It is just hard for me to drink because I'm so nauseous, and drinking anything makes the nausea better.

My surgeons office finally called, they're going to have home health people come and give me iv fluids for five days and take blood work to make sure I don't have an infection.

[MissMellyMell 46]

No regrets! Just remember all of the reasons you wanted the surgery! And quiting drinking can be rough due to the way our friends react, but there is so much more to life. I hope you start feeling better! Real friends will understand. Sending you positive vibes girl!

[janedoe92 260]

No regrets! Just remember all of the reasons you wanted the surgery! And quiting drinking can be rough due to the way our friends react, but there is so much more to life. I hope you start feeling better! Real friends will understand. [emoji169][emoji169][emoji169] Sending you positive vibes girl! [emoji4]

Thank you so much!

[BigUtahMan 207]

My self-proclaimed therapist response is, get new friends and your life will blossom again. No need to rush out and go looking, as "birds of a feather flock together".

My advice is... have the confidence to know, your social life will return, but you have bigger fish to fry at the moment with your health and your overall emotional well-being. Sounds like you need more YOU time, more than bar time anyway. Especially with people who seem not to care about you, as they do their drinks anyway.

I can appreciate you feeling isolated, but consider it a blessing and opportunity to work on yourself. Everyone enjoys being around a well adjusted dynamic adult, who knows them self and can feel confident in their own skin. Sounds like you are making changes like every butterfly does. So I wouldn't expect to make big changes by becoming healtheir and stronger, and still expect nothing else in your life to change as well. (Including "friends", nothing you stated would make a difference to a real friend who wanted you to be happy and healthy. I think you have drinking buddies, not friends.)

Also I am an addict, whenever I take one addiction away, the addictive personality in me searches to place that addiciton elsewhere. so, I think it is very wise to stay clear of bars for the next couple years, so you don't have that issue on top of what you are dealing with today. There is a saying I learned from my first procedure, "as the weight comes off, the issues come out." No one who needs weight loss surgery is free from lot's of issues buried under their fat. Including myself.

So just think about that as you continue the roller coaster you are on, as you are a strong person who wants to improve your life, thus you made the difficult decision to go down this path. So stay strong and stay the course, drink and walk, drink and walk, and write, write and write about your emotions and food.

I hope this helps, forgive me if I am off base.

[janedoe92 260]

Definitely not off base, thank you so much. You're right, I need to work on myself and continue to focus on my help. I appreciate your outlook a lot.

[RickM 1,753]

On 2/20/2017 at 1:14 PM, bayougirlmrsc said:

Jane.... i had the band, so im not sure why you can't drink. Can you fill me in?

There are several issues with alcohol and WLS that will apply to varying degrees to different people.

Healing time for the stomach is the first, which may not apply to those with the band which doesn't cut directly on the stomach, but will vary from a few weeks to several months or a year or more depending upon individual surgeons' perspectives.

Transfer addiction, which BigUtahMan discussed, wherein an addiction to foods, to the degree one is afflicted, is transferred to another medium - alcohol, drugs, gambling, shopping, etc. This can affect anyone who is severely limiting their ability to indulge in an addictive behavior (i.e. any WLS patient irrespective procedure.) From this perspective, some will take a "never again" stand on it.

The other alcohol biggie is liver condition; going into any WLS our livers aren't in the best of condition due to our obesity (witness the "liver shrinking" pre-op diets that many surgeons impose on their patients} and is further taxed by its role in metabolizing the fat that we are rapidly losing. The last thing that the liver needs is to be further stressed by metabolizing a known liver toxin - alcohol (that's not a moral judgement, just a physiological fact.) On this basis, some surgeons will suggest no alcohol during your weight loss phase. With my surgeon, this is part of the contract that we sign with him - that we will not drink as long as we are losing; it comes from his alter-ego as a biliopancreatic (liver/pancreas) transplant surgeon who doesn't want to see any of his bariatric patients coming back onto his transplant table.