Not telling anyone. What do you say?

[LipstickLady 25,682]

<<<Don't take this the wrong way, but why not look at your own behavior first before jumping into another surgery?>>>

Gee, I never thought of that. Thanks for the tip.

I'm also curious about this. Any weight loss surgery is going to lose a lot of it's effects years later, that's how people end up regaining. You've done a good job maintaining a lower weight.

What's going to happen in 2 more years when the restriction wears off again? Are you going to keep having it done over and over?

I am 3.5 years out. My restriction has not "worn off".

[81Kellogram 101]

I'm an open book. Growing up, my family was very secretive (abusive dad) and I just feel so liberated when I don't have anything to hide. I'm not shouting from the roof top but I'll tell if it feels right. I find that people who actually understand the procedure are very postive and supportive. Those that don't, get a very concerned look but they don't say anything negative. I did have one negative comment, unbelievably from my endocrinologist! She asked me why I wanted to have the surgery when I had lost 20 lbs on my own (pre-op weight). She's been a great endo, and now I don't know what to think.

I have one exception. My clients (I'm a freelance graphic designer). I just told them that I'm having minor surgery and no one has asked for details yet. If I get any questions, I think I'm going to say gall bladder. I really don't want to but I try to keep my head down as much as possible when it comes to work.

[PrimaGoddess 18]

@@Joy@boman That's exactly what I am telling people. I am having a hiatal hernia repair. I've had several other types of abdominal hernias in my life so this is believable. I haven't gone into details with any one else outside of My Partner/Son and 2 friends close to me. I doubt most people will have the gull to ask me if I had surgery... outside if the hernia. Otherwise that's my story and i'm sticking to it. It's personal for me - and it's about me and the quality of my life. Not anyone else's.

I forgot to mention.. I am having a hiatal hernia repair!

[keisha henry 6]

Why do people have the need to not be truthful about the surgery. I had been morbidly obese my whole life if I could lose almost a hundred pound in 6 months it would have been done. When I started my Journey 3 years ago 12/9/2013 I was 400lbs and asking people how they lost the wait and they told me that lie but after I had the surgery they confessed. Remember you may inspire others to get healthy. Remember this a tool to lose the weight but it's a life time of work.

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[sunsetsue 67]

Totally fair! I have friends who are very private too! (I kind of envy them.

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I kinda envy anyone who can be open about the surgery as for me I have to keep mine a total secret because of negativity or jealousy. I literally don't have anyone I can lean on for support. My mother hung up on me when I told her I was thinking about it.

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[keisha henry 6]

Well I haven't had much back lash and they know , if they talk they do it behind your back trust me. I have helped at least 20 people through the process so that alone gives me comfort because I understand the struggle and hearing people say you just need to exercise. They don't understand 25 lbs is not the same as 150 to 200 lbs. I tell the haters until you know my struggle you can tell me something. Your comfort will come from helping people who understand. A lot of people against it because they don't know and are scared of what may happen to you.

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[Aggiemae 739]

Why do people have the need to not be truthful about the surgery. I had been morbidly obese my whole life if I could lose almost a hundred pound in 6 months it would have been done. When I started my Journey 3 years ago 12/9/2013 I was 400lbs and asking people how they lost the wait and they told me that lie but after I had the surgery they confessed. Remember you may inspire others to get healthy. Remember this a tool to lose the weight but it's a life time of work.

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There is a huge difference between not telling people your private medical history and being untruthful.

People who tell me(andever one else) how they lost weight by having surgery and Ishould do it too, piss me off just as much as those who think surgery is the "easy way out".

[brewea83 1]

I am almost 3 years out and very few people know. My work HR refused to even let me tell my boss. What I have found is judgement from people that think surgwry is the easy way out... which we all know is not true.. in order for it to truly work... you gotta eat right and move. There is so much negative stigma assosciated with the procedures. I say share with who you are comfortable with. The last thing you need is judgement for trying to live a healthier life. I have worked out and run religiously for almost 3 years to show how hard I have worked. Only now am I comfortable sharing my story because I want to be part of the movement that changes how people bariatric patients.. it has to start somewhere!

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[LipstickLady 25,682]

Why do people have the need to not be truthful about the surgery.

Why does my desire for privacy equate to me not being "truthful"? Do you tell people about your finances? Your sex life? Your marital spats? Do you tell people about a yeast infection or hemorrhoids?

Just curious...

[keisha henry 6]

My motto is if I can help someone though my experience I have shared. I work in the hospital and all those conversations have came up and been discussed. I not mad at people who don't disclose but at the same time if they asking how you lost the weight they may want to know because they are on a weight loss journey. I have been vocal about my process since the beginning. I had some I know use me and ask about the surgery and had already had it done her and her husband so I can say no she didn't she because she asked me about it. She said she lost fifty pounds in a month so she going to do it on her own. Being private is one thing and lying is another.

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[imightknow 39]

My motto is if I can help someone though my experience I have shared. I work in the hospital and all those conversations have came up and been discussed. I not mad at people who don't disclose but at the same time if they asking how you lost the weight they may want to know because they are on a weight loss journey. I have been vocal about my process since the beginning. I had some I know use me and ask about the surgery and had already had it done her and her husband so I can say no she didn't she because she asked me about it. She said she lost fifty pounds in a month so she going to do it on her own. Being private is one thing and lying is another.

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I reiterate, we can still help others without telling everyone. Look at this forum, so many people helping out others and a lot aren't vocal about their decision in everyday life. Same with social media. I am not telling anyone but my husband. That doesn't make me untruthful. I just don't tell anyone my business. I keep everything in my life private. I do not overshare on social media with friends and family. I do not call and tell people anything about my life. I say we are good and I move on. With my last pregnancy, I didn't share with most people until late in the pregnancy, not because I was ashamed, but because it just wasn't anyone's business. And then I didn't let them know how far along I was or when I was due, because it really didn't matter. That time was for me and my husband, so it didn't matter if anyone was hurt or upset by it. I go to school and no one knows my major. Like I said, I am just a private person. Extremely private. If I lost weight In the past I'd keep that to myself. I would usually get negative feedback from family, so it wouldn't matter how I did it or how much was lost. If we want to avoid negativity, that is our choice. In the end, whether we decide to help others or not, that is also our choice. Yeah you choose to, but others may not. Just because we have surgery, does not mean that we sign up to be advocates. That does not make us untruthful. If someone walked up to me and asked how I lost weight, I would not say weight loss surgery, because that is private and no one's business but my own. If they assume, there is nothing I can do about that. If I share my workout or what I eat, that is also not being untruthful, because that is something I have to do to lose or maintain. But I am fine with asking and helping on here, because the anonymity doesn't require for someone to be up in my business.

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[Miss Impala 64]

@@Miss Impala

I appreciate your point of view and I applaud your decision to take care of yourself.

I am one of those who decided not to share and a few of your thoughts stood out prominently to me. First and foremost, you used the word ashamed repeatedly. I am not at all ashamed of my decision. I am not sure where my desire for privacy equates to shame.

Also, I have no desire to be "an example" for fellow fatties out there. I was obese for 20 years. I knew the options. Diets, exercise, surgery -- I'd researched every single one and I didn't need anyone telling me what the next best thing was going to be for me. The people I know who are of size also know about their options. It's up to them to decide when to exercise those options.

As for not "doing it on my own"? Who did it for me? I had the surgery. I did the exercise. I followed the plan. I weighed and measured my food. I followed my pre-op diet for a month and was on liquids and mushies (without straying off plan) for 8 weeks post op. I didn't eat solid foods for three months post op and I worked my ass off to lose my weight. I've worked even harder to keep it off for three years.

No one has done this for me. I did it. And because of that, I get to be ecstatically private about it.

Good for you! I was simply answering the question about my own feelings. I vascillate back and forth still. But I am also thankful for not only the mentoring I received from other female truckers, but from other successful and failed WLS survivors. Not sharing doesn't mean I think you're ashamed... I was just sharing what I had to work thru in response to the topic question.

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[Miss Impala 64]

@@Miss Impala

I appreciate your point of view and I applaud your decision to take care of yourself.

I am one of those who decided not to share and a few of your thoughts stood out prominently to me. First and foremost, you used the word ashamed repeatedly. I am not at all ashamed of my decision. I am not sure where my desire for privacy equates to shame.

Also, I have no desire to be "an example" for fellow fatties out there. I was obese for 20 years. I knew the options. Diets, exercise, surgery -- I'd researched every single one and I didn't need anyone telling me what the next best thing was going to be for me. The people I know who are of size also know about their options. It's up to them to decide when to exercise those options.

As for not "doing it on my own"? Who did it for me? I had the surgery. I did the exercise. I followed the plan. I weighed and measured my food. I followed my pre-op diet for a month and was on liquids and mushies (without straying off plan) for 8 weeks post op. I didn't eat solid foods for three months post op and I worked my ass off to lose my weight. I've worked even harder to keep it off for three years.

No one has done this for me. I did it. And because of that, I get to be ecstatically private about it.

Word.

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Good for you! I was simply answering the question about my own feelings. I vascillate back and forth still. But I am also thankful for not only the mentoring I received from other female truckers, but from other successful and failed WLS survivors. Not sharing doesn't mean I think you're ashamed... I was just sharing what I had to work thru in response to the topic question.

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[Miss Impala 64]

I told my family first. I waited until I had gone through all the steps and had a surgery date before telling a couple people at work. I have had 3 other surgeries in less than a year (both feet and a new knee) so another surgery with the possibility of being out of work 6 weeks (right after I took a 3 week vacation) was a big deal. I kept it quiet at work although my department knew I was having another surgery until about a week before. I made the 'announcement' in a departmental meeting. I didn't want people to see me losing weight quickly, possibly losing my hair and thinking the worse. I've gotten nothing but positive feedback.

Giggling..... one of the reasons I started telling also. I didn't want people thinking I was a meth or drug addict. ????

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[imightknow 39]

Giggling..... one of the reasons I started telling also. I didn't want people thinking I was a meth or drug addict.

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My husband said that also. That when people lose weight so fast and dramatically, others think they are on drugs. I'm not around most people, so that wouldn't fit my situation. But I told him that not everyone things negatively like that. My husband is in the military and had a mesh put on to repair a hiatal hernia in early 2014. He was on a liquid diet for a bit. He is already pretty thin, but he lost so much weight. People in his company started questioning if he was on drugs and he was tested. We laugh about it. He is having issues with GERD again and they just found another hernia, so he has to have another surgery soon. He was talking with guys that he worked with back in 2014 and they were all telling him how everyone was worried about him back then and how rumors of drugs went around. It is pretty crazy. Some people just assume the worst. When I see that people have lost weight, my first thought goes to diet and exercise or wondering if they've been sick (depending on if they look ill or not). I don't typically just assume people are on drugs, unless they have a history of drugs. But you never know what people are thinking.

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