Keeping It in Perspective: Has WLS Made You More Patient?

[Alex Brecher 10,516]

Many people find that they become more patient when they go through certain life events. Life changes such as becoming a parent and going through a serious illness can make you change your perspective on what really matters in life, and what doesn’t. You may notice that you become more focused on the important things in life, such as health and family, and more patient about the things that just aren’t important, such as long lines at the grocery store or getting a red light on the way to work.

Weight loss surgery is definitely a life changing event, and it can change your perspective. It requires you to focus on your health and how your new lifestyle meshes with your established life. It can also try your patience, as you are sure to see when you hit a plateau or do not lose weight as fast as you had hoped!

As you progress through the weight loss surgery journey, have you noticed any change in your perspective? Are you able to stay more focused on what matters, while adapting more of a “let it go” attitude towards the little things? Or are you the type of person who gets more bothered about the little things as a way to make sure you do not get too anxious about the big things? Share your thoughts and observations!

[LipstickLady 25,682]

Nope. I am still an impatient b word who moves faster than I used to. Get the $%^& out of my way! I've got things to DO!

[Pescador 1,374]

Nope, made me angry and less tolerant of BS. I am just fine, don't mess with me. Life is short.

[Icantbelieveit 955]

Nope. In my mind I wasted enough time secluded and in the background. I need to make up some time and if you are in my way, I have no patience for you. And no, I'm not sorry about it either. Have no time for bei g sorry either.

Sent from my SM-G930P using the BariatricPal App

[Valentina 2,642]

Great thread, Alex.

I find that I have gained a better understanding of what's important and what is just narcissistic behavior of too many.

Losing John the morning of my WLS taught me to stop and think before speaking by "knee jerk" reaction alone. Is what I am about to say important, meaningful, and considerate? Am I truly answering a question and thinking about the consequences of my words or just seeking attention for a "shockingly sexual innuendo, a sarcastic knee slapper, or an, "I've paid my dues, so now you must also prove you can tolerate my sharp and stinging wit " response?

There are many that refer to their answers as, "tough love". Well, it's tough, but severely lacking anything resembling "love". I've learned that there is a way to "correct, advice, guide, and/or even scold", without belittling, shaming, being condescending, rude, abrupt or down right hurtful.

That is where PATIENCE comes to my mind. Whether I'm answering a question for the first time or for the thousandth time, my verbiage needs to be helpful---never hurtful. If I don't feel it within myself to answer in such a manner, than I have to have the patience to wait until I do, or just leave the question for another to answer--who hopefully will the patience that I am lacking just then. "If you can't improve upon the silence---then don't".

I've been responding to many PM's lately. I find that some members find that talking "privately" leaves them less likely to receive harshness and/or ridicule that they fear on the boards. I am delighted to receive PMs from those members. However I feel that they are losing some of the vast knowledge and insight of many of the members who would be patient with them and help them have a more joyful WLS journey.

Patience is a truly a gift that has to be practiced each and every day in our lives. It is difficult sometimes, but the rewards are well worth the effort.

Am I the patient responder that I aim to be? No, but I'm trying...

[The Candidate 3,215]

I am definitely a different person since surgery. And I have also experienced a better understanding of patience. It wasn't achieved just after surgery though, because it began to build over the entire year of the approval qualification for the surgery. WLS didn't just change my outward appearance, it also awakened and expanded my sense of self worth, allowing me, for the first time, to turn that compassion inward. What I was able to let go of was my own internal critic.

It also showed me that I wasn't alone. Being the only fat person in my immediate family caused a very isolated lifelong pain that I was never able to adequately explain to my thin family. And It wasn't until I began my research on WLS that I finally realized how many other people out there were going through the exact same thing. It was an immediate raw and palpable connection.

I would say that I've always been, or I've certainly have strived to be, compassionate. The biggest difference is that now I'm working on spreading that compassion to include everyone in my life who has ever bullied or ridiculed me about my weight, from childhood to adulthood. As well as the ones that now treat me kinder based entirely on my outer appearance. As much as I endeavored to lose the weight I also want to rewrite these bitter memories, but this time with my own ending.

As much as you shrink on the outside, you rise on the inside, which makes for an incredibly positive life changing experience.

[Pescador 1,374]

You cannot pray for patience. I have always wanted to. Check out the Bible, ❤️

[Dub 10,064]

As you progress through the weight loss surgery journey, have you noticed any change in your perspective? Are you able to stay more focused on what matters, while adapting more of a “let it go” attitude towards the little things? Or are you the type of person who gets more bothered about the little things as a way to make sure you do not get too anxious about the big things? Share your thoughts and observations!

WLS was done by me so I could better address the "big things".

As I gained more leverage over my shortcomings I became less tolerant of how my wife dealt with the same.

In the days since it would seem that her position is flexible yet mine is rock solid and dug in.

Not sure if character flaws have been revealed in me or her..............but I'm not changing, so I guess it's on her to chose if she can accept or needs to move on and find wtf it is she's looking for.

I'm a rock.

Rocks get broken.

I could't care less.

I'm a rock.

[jane13 2,256]

I am with Dub and Lipstick Lady.

[Sai 785]

I'm a calm person by nature... Not many things bother me. I have so many hobbies and am constantly busy doing things I enjoy. I'm all about family and generally prefer a good book over company. I think WLS through the years taught me self-love more than anything. I am always hard on myself but easy on others... A perfectionist but only expect those standards from myself. So now thinking about, it has taught me patience in that regard. Great post, Alex.

Sent from my SM-N910V using the BariatricPal App

[LipstickLady 25,682]

Great thread, Alex.

I find that I have gained a better understanding of what's important and what is just narcissistic behavior of too many.

Losing John the morning of my WLS taught me to stop and think before speaking by "knee jerk" reaction alone. Is what I am about to say important, meaningful, and considerate? Am I truly answering a question and thinking about the consequences of my words or just seeking attention for a "shockingly sexual innuendo, a sarcastic knee slapper, or an, "I've paid my dues, so now you must also prove you can tolerate my sharp and stinging wit " response?

There are many that refer to their answers as, "tough love". Well, it's tough, but severely lacking anything resembling "love". I've learned that there is a way to "correct, advice, guide, and/or even scold", without belittling, shaming, being condescending, rude, abrupt or down right hurtful.

That is where PATIENCE comes to my mind. Whether I'm answering a question for the first time or for the thousandth time, my verbiage needs to be helpful---never hurtful. If I don't feel it within myself to answer in such a manner, than I have to have the patience to wait until I do, or just leave the question for another to answer--who hopefully will the patience that I am lacking just then. "If you can't improve upon the silence---then don't".

I've been responding to many PM's lately. I find that some members find that talking "privately" leaves them less likely to receive harshness and/or ridicule that they fear on the boards. I am delighted to receive PMs from those members. However I feel that they are losing some of the vast knowledge and insight of many of the members who would be patient with them and help them have a more joyful WLS journey.

Patience is a truly a gift that has to be practiced each and every day in our lives. It is difficult sometimes, but the rewards are well worth the effort.

Am I the patient responder that I aim to be? No, but I'm trying...

Way to turn a potentially interesting introspective topic into a passive aggressive attack on others.

Good for you!

[Christinamo7 4,042]

in some ways, @@Alex Brecher I am more patient with other people's physical limitations - I've been there. and because I *can* stand in line longer than I used to be able to - it's easier to wait on others. I am more patient with finding a parking place as I no longer need to be up close. it's the same thing with finding a seat as I do not need to worry if I will only fit into a certain kind of seat.

in other ways it's made me less patient. less patient with people who do nothing to improve their situation - less patient with people trying to put others at a disadvantage. less patient with self centered people. but, when possible far more likely to just ignore them or walk past them. I have places to go and things to DO!

[Catmom4 149]

I'm definitely less patient now because for too long I was very patient and understanding of others while neglecting myself and my feelings! Now I stand up for myself and I don't take shit from anyone! I realize that I'm important and I have to take care of myself first!

[summerset 5,265]

Well, I'm less impulsive, but also less patient if that makes any sense. I don't know if that has anything to do with WLS or just with getting older.

I'm less patient when people whine about something and all I want to say is "That is what you're complaining about? Don't you have any real problems?" but then I think "Ok, for me this might be next to nothing but for the other person this is a real problem".

[Alex Brecher 10,516]

Wow, we have quite the range of responses to this question! Some of you took weight loss surgery as a chance to do a little introspection and determine what really is, and what is not, important in life, and to only worry about the most important things.

Others of you took weight loss surgery as a lesson that you can do whatever you set your mind to, and that nobody and nothing will stand in your way.

@@summerset, I think it is great that you are able to stop yourself when someone complains about something that seems minor to you but may be important to them. Their problem may be real to them, and even if it is not a big deal to most people, it never hurts to show a little empathy!