Ashamed

[HopefulInVirginia 44]

My sleeve surgery is on Thursday. When I first began this journey back in April I felt ashamed that I had gotten to this point and needed surgery to correct it. But through the last few months as I've met other pre and post op patients in forums like this and at the bariatric center I've felt better. I've felt like it's okay to have this struggle and that it's a struggle shared by lots of other people - not just me. Because I was feeling less insecure about having weight loss surgery, I mentioned it to one of my husband's co-workers a few weeks ago. I found out today that this co-worker told my husband that I was complaining about having to eat healthy after having the surgery (which I wasn't) and, in his opinion, if I had just eaten healthy in the past I wouldn't have to have surgery. This really stung and now I feel ashamed all over again. Somewhere along the way I forgot how the general population views obesity and bariatric surgery. I forgot the biases and stereotypes and discrimination. All this talk about how if you just eat right and exercise you can lose weight no problem. People who don't struggle with their weight don't know how this feels. This guy doesn't know that I grew up with a morbidly obese mom and that my biggest fear was ending up here. He doesn't know I ran and ran and ran to try to avoid gaining weight- until I injured my right knee and was told I could never run again. He doesn't know I ran a marathon and a couple of half marathons back in the day. He doesn't know the pride I felt at turning 20 years old and havung not hit the 200 lb mark like I always assumed I would by that age (38 now, 226). He doesn't know how truly gut-wrenchingly hard my struggle with my weight my entire life has been. That it has been my biggest obstacle and enemy. That it has been something I have thought about every single day of my life since I was probably 10 years old. I get so tired of people with their self-righteous opinions. Until you've walked this path, you have no idea how it feels or how far you would go to change it. So here I am crying on my bedroom floor. I've got to find a way to get thicker skin because I know I'm going to get more comments like this as I continue with this journey. Thanks to all for the support and I wish each one of you much joy success and happiness.

[KristenLe 5,979]

Don't let this asshole upset you or make you feel any shame! If we could lose weight and keep it off only by eating healthy and exercising - not one of us would go thru major surgery to lose weight! This guy doesn't know jackshit! This is your journey! Stay strong!

Sent from my KFFOWI using the BariatricPal App

[Havasumoma 250]

The only people who know my plan now are the only ones who are ever likely to know. I am not ashamed of my decision, but I don't suffer fools well and I know that about myself. Due to my career I know thousands of people. So rather than potentially pissing off a few thousand or so with a very direct "it's none of your damn business" I'm going with the truth "I'm working very hard with my doctor to be a healthier person."

CW 227 5'5" 61yrs

[bulebule 11]

The fact you're brave enough to own and take control of your health is all that matters.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

@@HopefulInVirginia

Please don't feel ashamed. All kinds of people have all kinds of struggles, ours are just visible to other people, which makes it easier for people to comment.

Make your life easy, don't tell people about your surgery. It isn't any of their business and it is not worth rolling the dice on if they will be supportive or be evil and petty.

Be proud you are taking control of your life.

[Bufflehead 6,358]

Don't be ashamed because your husband's co-worker is a lying, ignorant asshole. He's the one who needs to be ashamed, not you. You have a medical problem, he has a probably incurable character and personality defect.

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

@@Bufflehead I love you! On this forum and others

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,443]

The co-worker was way out of line..a social ape. He actually spoke to your husband that way about you?

You have nothing to feel ashamed about. You have no reason to make excuses for yourself by defensively listing past triumphs. Life happened to you, good, bad and neutral. You're about to embark on a course that's nothing but positive. Let that be a source of pride. You have plenty of triumphs ahead. Screw the apes.

(I'm sure your husband is a great guy and crazy about you. Ask him not to repeat ape-talk if it ever comes up again.)

[Pescador 1,374]

Zip it up. At 70 years old I have learned to mind my business and avoid everyone else's business. It is needless heartache to have someone hurt you. you are perfect. Close the gap in discussing your weight with Anyone. Love and hugs your way.

[HopefulInVirginia 44]

Thank you all so much for the kind words and supportive comments. I'm so glad this forum exists - it has helped me in so many ways. I am feeling better. Now to get ready for the big day- just 2 days away now omg!!!

[Browneyedgirl41 176]

Oh girl do not let anyone make you feel ashamed! I used to weigh 100 lbs less (on my wedding day before I yet to deal with REAL life) and you know what? LIFE HAPPENS. Adult stress- jobs, money, marriage, kids- they are often reasons we turn to food for comfort. I always take a look around where ever I go and I see people just like me and I automatically know we're all in the same boat and it's easy to get here. Anyone who says otherwise can come and talk to me!

Good luck to you! XOXO

[cbonet 336]

Soooooooooo some people just will never, ever, ever, ever, get it. This is the time in our lives where we are finally investing in ourselves, our physical and emotional health and our quality of life. We don't have the energy to take care of ourselves and invest our emotions in people not supportive of our Quest. Kick him out of the space your allowing him to rent in your head and fill it with the visual of a healthy, happy future you. Best wishes to you.

Sent from my VS986 using the BariatricPal App

[Sirmikael 59]

My surgery is a week from today, and I'm roughly the same age (37). People talk no matter what, and the key is for you to be happy with yourself and your decision.

I put this off for so long, because I also thought this was "the easy way out". And even if it was, I'd rather be "weak", alive and healthy than stubborn and dead.

Sent from my Nexus 5X using the BariatricPal App

[ShelterDog64 2,364]

@@Bufflehead You ROCK!

[ShelterDog64 2,364]

@@HopefulInVirginia With all due respect to the moron (which is NONE), f*&k him. You don't need that kind of bs in your life right now. Obesity is still something other people feel fine discriminating against and feel free talking to/about other people as though they're idiots if they're obese. I'd be willing to be you've spent more time, money and emotion on your weight than he's EVER had to put forth regarding HIS.

Go and get your surgery and be proud of yourself. For caring about yourself, your family and the people who care about YOU. You'll soon be a healthier weight and along with it will come better self-esteem and a better head-space about yourself. You're growing and moving in a positive direction, people like your husband's co-worker aren't...they're stuck with their petty thoughts and ugly minds.