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Very emotional and need support

Admanda

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reducer623    137

reducer623
Posted

So sorry to hear this! Emotional & mental health are just as important as physical health. The same way you are shedding the pounds to get healthy, maybe you should shed him as well. Best of luck to you beautiful!

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fitworks    5

fitworks
Posted

My dear

Your mate is insecure and is projecting onto you. If you need this surgery to save your life and be here for your child perhaps help him to see that it so you can be here for him too, but name calling and put downs never encourage or build anyone up in fact the more he puts you down the more success you are going to have, so he may want to stop it with the insecurities and give you a reason to stay with him. It's been said you catch more flies with honey well maybe you need to remind him of this so he can change his tone. I wish you luck and I am here for you, trust me I have been through it all and now my husband and i am excited about my pending surgery and all of the fun we are going to have with or without the extra skin.

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Admanda    13

Admanda
Posted

Is he freaking out enough to marry you after 6 years?!! Sorry that you are going through this...

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Not married and don't plan on to. Not after all that he is doing to me

Asiangurl1

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joannct1    59

joannct1
Posted

You deserve so much better. Abuse is never ok. Abuse is not Love!!!, i am 58, i can tell you from past experience. Its not worth sticking around , because of kids, you can do this!!! you can make it with out hus sorry abusive ass!!! God Bless You!!!

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shotgun72000    30

shotgun72000
Posted

A real man would be supportive. Shouldn't he be happy you want to get healthy and look good for him, instead of acting like an immature boy.

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fitworks    5

fitworks
Posted

Admanda

I hope the support you receive from this site is enough to keep you encouraged, in the mean time I would suggest that you seek out a qualified and licenced therapist to hear your concerns. It could make a huge difference in your being successful in your surgery goals.

As far as your other half, he has some decisions to make about the relationship because he what he is doing is a form of abuse, and being abused never helped anyone achieve anything. Because the abuser is often a weak minded individual who preys on those weaker than themselves after have broken the other persons spirit.

Keep your chin up and stay in contact with the group.

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Admanda    13

Admanda
Posted

Thank you everyone u guys have been so helpful and I'm staying positive because of all of you. I'm getting my plans put together so after my surgery I can put it in motion. Right now I have no where to go and just started my job so I don't have enough time to show for a steady income. As soon as I get get my plans fully together im out with my son. I told him if he doesn't seek help, change and see Im hurt because of his abuse that me and my son is gone for good because I really deserve better. Thanks all of u guys and please keep me in your prayers for a safe surgery, recovery and safety of my son!

Asiangurl1

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lrmd    28

lrmd
Posted

I'm so proud of you for making a plan! That shows strength. When he realizes you are are strong and serious about getting out my guess is the apologizing and guilt trips will follow. Don't fall for it!

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WLSResources/ClothingExch    3,444

WLSResources/ClothingExch
Posted (edited)

@@Admanda

Darling, many women have written about their husbands and boyfriends being afraid of being left behind once they've lost weight. Never has anyone written about a husband or boyfriend being as ugly about it as you have. Your guy is mean-spirited from every angle and you may never have noticed it before. The things he is saying to you are threatening and meant to make you feel worthless. He wants you to believe no one would want you and that you have nothing going for you. He's trying to beat down your spirit so that you'll be an obedient puppy.

If his only problem is insecurity that you'll leave him, then you and he would have something you could work on together. But when a partner is beating on your heart and soul, he's only an animal.

You said you want to do what is best for you and your son. Those are the two things that matter most. Part of what's best for both of you is having a home for your boy where his mother is respected. For your son to grow up in a household where he sees his mother being so deeply disrespected is very likely to teach him to treat women the same way when he grows up.

Make a good life for yourself and your child. Take time to rediscover who you are as an individual in the world, as a woman who can hold her head high and feel good about herself. It's scary, but, when the time is right -- after you have time to become your own friend -- you'll attract a respectable, respectful, stand-up man.

P.S. I just saw your last note (post #25) and am so glad you're taking this seriously to the point of working on a plan. It's too bad that you can't stay with family until you can pull things together. I hope a solution comes your way sooner than you think. Maybe you and your son can share a place with another mother and child?

Edited by WLSResources/ClothingExch

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KaiserKid    81

KaiserKid
Posted

Girlie, I don't know you, I will keep you in my thoughts as you go through this journey. This is a great community that is incredibly supportive. Your partner may not support you, but I hope you have other people in your life that do. And if not, there are hundreds of others on this message board who will jump at the opportunity to give advice and listen to your woes. It sounds like your partner is insecure about himself and that is why he is bringing you down.

I know you and your son will do just fine. You're taking initiative now by removing him from this negative environment. Kids don't need to grow up in a world where their parents berate one another. Best of luck to you.

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lalala87    13

lalala87
Posted

That is emotional abuse. Staying together for the family can hurt you and your child. Think about what your son is learning by watching you two

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Go To Topic Listing PRE-Operation Weight Loss Surgery Q&A

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    • LeighaTR

      LeighaTR

      Four days post surgery. I am sipping as fast as I can and getting NO WHERE near the goal of 60 - 80 grams of protein or the 64 oz of liquids. I just feel FULL. I don't know if it can still be the gas build up (I would think by now that would be gone) but it is a struggle to drink. And so far I have not had the nausea or spasms and don't want to wander into that territory by pushing too hard with liquids. I about passed out today as it was my most "strenuous" day. Went from second story to basement for shower and I was sure I was going to pass out. Looking back on my last few days I have had a total of less than 1000 calories. Am I just not getting enough nourishment in me? Once again a friday where I can't get ahold of the doc until Monday rolls back around so I am hoping maybe someone here has some experience on how to keep energy going. I do have fibromyalgia too and that may be where some added fatigue comes into play. How did you all fair with the goals the week after surgery?
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Doughgurl

      Doughgurl

      2 days until I fly out to San Diego to have my Bypass Surg. in Tiajuana Mexico. Not gonna lie, the nerves are starting to surface. I don't fear the surgery itself, or the fact that I'm traveling alone, but its the aftermath that I'm stressing about the most, after this 8 week wait. I'm excited to finally be here, but I am really dreading the post surgical chapter. I know its going to be tough, real tough and I think I'm just in my head to much now that the day i here. Wish me luck, Hopefully I'm one of the lucky ones, and everything goes smoothly. Cant wait to give an exciting update,. If there is anyone else have a June bypass or even a recent one, Id love to have someone to compare war stories with. Also, anyone near San Antonio Tx? See ya soon with the future me. 💜
      · 3 replies
      1. Phil Penn

        Phil Penn

        Good Luck this procedure is well worth it I am down to 249.6 lb please continue with the process..

      2. Selina333

        Selina333

        I'm in Houston so kind of near you and had the sleeve in Dec. Down 61 lbs. Feeling better. Was definitely worth it. I hope the everything is going well for you. Update us when you can!

      3. Doughgurl

        Doughgurl

        I am back home after my bypass surgery in Tiajuana. I'm post op day 4. Everything went great! I guess I'm one of the lucky ones who have not encountered much pain at all, no nausea thus far and I'm having no problem keeping down broths and water. Thank you for your well wishes. I cant wait to keep up this journey and have a chance at better health and simply better quality of life. I know there will be bumps in the road ahead, and everything won't be peaches and cream, but at least I have a great start so far. 😍

    • LeighaTR

      LeighaTR

      I am new here today... and only two weeks out from my sleeve surgery on the 23rd. I am amazed I have kept my calories down to 467 today so far... that leaves me almost 750 left for dinner and maybe a snack. This is going to be tough for two weeks... but I have to believe I can do it!
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Doughgurl

      Doughgurl

      Hey everyone. I'm new here so I thought I should introduce myself. I am 53y/o and am scheduled for Gastric Bypass on June 25th, 2025. I'm located in San Antonio, Texas. I will be having my surgery in Tiajuana Mexico. I've wanted this for years, but I always had insurance where bariatric procedures were excluded. Finally I am able to afford to pay out of pocket.  I can't wait to get started, and I hope I'm prepared for the initial period of "hell". I know what I have signed up for, but I'm sure the good to come will out way the temporary period of discomfort and feelings of regret. I'd love to find people to talk to who have been through the same procedure or experience before. So I look forward to meeting you all. Hope you have a great week!
      · 2 replies
      1. Selina333

        Selina333

        I'm so happy for you! You are about to change your life. I was so glad to get the sleeve done in Dec. I didn't have feelings of regret overall. And I'm down almost 60 lbs. I do feel a little sad at restaurants. I can barely eat half a kid's meal. I get adults meals often because kid ones don't have the same offerings at times. Then I feel obligated to eat on that until it's gone and that can be days. So the restaurant thing isn't great for me. All the rest is fine by me! I love feeling full with very little. I do wish I could drink when eating. And will sip at the end. Just a strong habit to stop. But I'm working on it! You will do fine! Just keep focused on your desire to be different. Not better or worse. But different. I am happy both ways but my low back doesn't like me that heavy. So I listened (also my feet!). LOL! Update us on your journey! I'm not far from you. I'm in Houston. Good luck and I hope it all goes smoothly! Would love to see pics of the town you go to for this. I've never been there. Neat you will be traveling for this! Enjoy the journey. Take it one day at a time. Sometimes a few hours at a time. Follow all recommendations as best you can. 💗

      2. Doughgurl

        Doughgurl

        Thank you so much for your well wishes. I am hoping that everything goes easy for me as well. We don't eat out much as it is, so it wont be too bad in that department. Thankfully. Also, I hear you regarding your back and feet!! I'd like to add knees to the list. Killing me as we speak! I'm only 5' so the weight has to go. Too short to carry all this weight. Menopause really did a doosey on me. (😶lol) My daughter also lives in Houston. with her Husband and my 5 grand-littles. I grew up in Beaumont, so I know Houston well, I will be sure to keep in touch and update you on my journey. I may need some advice in the future, or just motivation. Thank You so much for reaching out, I was hoping to connect with someone in the community. I really appreciate it. 💜

    • Alisa_S

      Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. LeighaTR

        LeighaTR

        I hope your surgery on Wednesday goes well. You will be able to do all sorts of new things as you find your new normal after surgery. I don't know this from experience yet, but I am seeing a lot of positive things from people who have had it done. Best of luck!

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