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Getting over the guilt



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I am just beginning this journey. I was not overweight until about 16 years ago. I went from 140 lbs

to 240 lbs and over about 2 years and now I am at 270 lbs and I am 5 4. My weight began with

taking antidepressants and having a huge appetite. Before I realized it I had gained 100 lbs.

I met with a surgeon on Nov 15 and have pretty much been excited about the prospect of losing

weight. But I have so much shame about being obese. When I was smaller I guess I was

attractive or at least people complimented me. But I have experienced the way people treat heavy

people since them and I now avoid everyone. I go to the grocery when there are less people. I

will not let anyone take my picture and I absolutely have no idea of the woman who stares back

at me when I look in the mirror.

I am now over 50 and I know I will never look like I did 15 years ago. But it really hurts. I will not

shop for clothes except online. I lost my husband 5 years ago and I have completely withdrew

from society because I absolutely hate what I look like. I know that the weight loss will help but

it will not fix what is in my head. I have friends who are heavy and I have never once thought about

it in the way I judge myself. I don't go with my girl friends because I don't want them to be

embarrassed by me. I hate the clothes I buy and how I look in them.

I am beginning therapy to help but this sense of not being worthy to have or try to have another

relationship in my life is a problem. I am just so afraid of how much it will hurt if I get rejected.

So I just stay to myself.

I ask all of you to please tell if you have experienced anything like I have.

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I am just beginning this journey. I was not overweight until about 16 years ago. I went from 140 lbs

to 240 lbs and over about 2 years and now I am at 270 lbs and I am 5 4. My weight began with

taking antidepressants and having a huge appetite. Before I realized it I had gained 100 lbs.

I met with a surgeon on Nov 15 and have pretty much been excited about the prospect of losing

weight. But I have so much shame about being obese. When I was smaller I guess I was

attractive or at least people complimented me. But I have experienced the way people treat heavy

people since them and I now avoid everyone. I go to the grocery when there are less people. I

will not let anyone take my picture and I absolutely have no idea of the woman who stares back

at me when I look in the mirror.

I am now over 50 and I know I will never look like I did 15 years ago. But it really hurts. I will not

shop for clothes except online. I lost my husband 5 years ago and I have completely withdrew

from society because I absolutely hate what I look like. I know that the weight loss will help but

it will not fix what is in my head. I have friends who are heavy and I have never once thought about

it in the way I judge myself. I don't go with my girl friends because I don't want them to be

embarrassed by me. I hate the clothes I buy and how I look in them.

I am beginning therapy to help but this sense of not being worthy to have or try to have another

relationship in my life is a problem. I am just so afraid of how much it will hurt if I get rejected.

So I just stay to myself.

I ask all of you to please tell if you have experienced anything like I have.

In a word...yes. All your feelings are very much understood by not just myself, but many who are here on this site. I've been banded nearly four years and for the past two and a half, I've been in therapy. First it was to figure out the 'new' person I saw in the mirror..and then it was all about the reasons for the obesity. I've been peeling back those layers for all this time and in the end...I truly believe it's all about abandonment and rejection. At least for me it is.

I believe with all my heart that I gained the weight because I was building a wall around me. Now that I don't have that protection, I have to learn how to deal with the emotions and feelings without turning to food. I'm still working on this even though I've been at goal for years.

For some, this is just a physical change and they are fine and good with it. For me...and you it seems...and many others, the obesity is a symptom and it's up to us to find the deeper issues..and fix them.

Good luck...feel free to PM me if you like. I'm not on this site as much as I used to be but I'm always here to help if I can.

Oh..and one more thing. I too am a widow...have been for more than 20 years...and still feel like he abandoned me. This is one of the many reasons I'm in therapy....and likely why the second marriage failed....and why I am working so hard to not let it interfere with the current relationship I have. He's a miracle in my life and I don't want my issues to overtake once again.

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I don't believe in feeling guilty over obesity, it IS a disease like many other addictions - a physical and psychological disease. I do believe in taking responsibility for your health, and here you are, doing that. Congrats!

The food industry fooled us, and got us hooked on sugar, salt and fat, and we bought into it, but are you guilty? Nope, you were purposefully uneducated. Seriously, there are proven neurological studies.

Now you're educated and you're treating your disease. WTG!!

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    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. LeighaTR

        I hope your surgery on Wednesday goes well. You will be able to do all sorts of new things as you find your new normal after surgery. I don't know this from experience yet, but I am seeing a lot of positive things from people who have had it done. Best of luck!

    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

    • CaseyP1011

      Officially here for a long time, not just a good time💪
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
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