Need Support

[Grams2016 16]

OK I was suppose to start my 2wk liquid diet last week. I have been doing as much as I can. I have NO support from my husband. He says he supports me by buy me the Meal Replacements and sugar free Jello. Then he also buys the honey Buns and the pizza. Says you can do it next week. It want hurt anything. Then when I try not to eat anything he say it will be OK go ahead. It's like he does not want me to get healthy. He weighs over 200 lbs also and I am afraid he will leave me if I get real small. I use to be 130lbs at 18,but that was before kids and before surgeries and my hysterectomy. I am not doing this for him. I'm doing it for myself. I can't do anything anymore. I want to fill better.

What is so bad he told me if I did get below 150 he would leave. I just don't know what to do. Do y'all have any advice please.

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[Christinamo7 4,041]

I have to say, if my man told me he was going to leave if __________ I'd tell him not to let the door hit him on the way out.

Hopefully he will come to terms with whatever it is he is afraid of. you have to decide what you really want. I have young adult kids I live with. they have all kinds of food I shouldn't eat - I've just learned to want health more than that junk. You can do it too, if it is really what you want.

[Valentina 2,642]

Therapy for the both of you----alone and then together.

Keep talking and then talk some more and then when all of the talking is done---talk some more.

My opinion? --and this IS only MY opinion:

Do NOT have WLS until you and your husband are on the same page

OR

You are strong enough and are fully prepared to have WLS completely on your own.

Tonight, you and your husband are in my thoughts.

Please take the time to seriously think about your next step.

SINCERELY,

Valentina

[chattycathy13 3]

I'd take him to your Dr appt with you and have the Dr chew him out! If he doesn't support you, this process will be extremely difficult. I feel badly for your situation. But you have to take care of yourself. If he feels the need to leave bc you are healthy..... then so be it. Extra weight on your emotions you don't need.

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[KristenLe 5,979]

I would strongly encourage therapy - for both of you but especially for you! Your husband sounds like he's being a complete asshole (sorry for being blunt). He's sabotaging you before surgery. What he may not know - eating honey Buns and pizza can in fact hurt you! You risk complications during surgery! My advice is - do what's best for you - get counseling! It sure sounds as though he's not committed to your relationship if he's threatening leaving over weight. What's his next threat going to be? Sounds like he's controlling you. Don't let him! Stand up for yourself!

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,443]

@@Grams2016, if your charmer never undermined you in the past, something is going on with him. If you haven't asked, by all means do.

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

When he eats those things, leave and go for a walk.

I am not going to speak on the relationship stuff because I am not a relationship type person.

After you have surgery he is going to be worse, and you are going to want to eat more, and eating then can endanger your life.

Do you have a friend you can stay with for a couple weeks post op? Mom? Sister? So you can recover with someone that supports you?

He is just afraid you will get attractive and leave him so he is using reverse psychology on you. Don't fall for it.

Okay I did say something about the relationship, but seriously you need some support because your health matters.

[Mrs. Wyckoff 6]

I sympathize that you would have to go through this emotional dilemma while having to heal physically and mentally from the surgery. I completely understand wanting to keep your family together, but it seems so backwards. I always thought that partner getting fit (which in turns builds their self-esteem) would be the one out of the two to leave a relationship. I am sure you know in your heart what to do, but could there have been a problem somewhere else in your marriage prior to this surgery? Like OutsideMatchInside said, this might be the best time for you to step away from him and spend some time with other family members who will truly be there for you. I wish you the best.

Edited July 11, 2016 by Mrs. Wyckoff

[ssflbelle 829]

When I was 420 pounds I married a man I thought loved me but came to find out later he was just a Fat Admirer. Sounds like that is the type of man you may have also married. When I had gained (due to a back injury) up to 497 pounds I asked for his help and he aid NO! I tried to get counseling with him and when he didn't show up for the appointments and for other reason (which I will not go into here) I served him with divorce papers. I did what I had to do for my health and I am now 253 pounds lighter. I hope you both can get counseling and you don't wind up divorced like I did. But please if it does come down to that don't let anyone or anything stand in your way of getting your health back.

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

I don't think she is chubby chaser big. Her husband just doesn't want things to change.

[Grams2016 16]

When we first got married I was at 174. Then I had babies and several surgeries so my weight gain started.

I has cheated on me before so I would not be surprised if he did again.

Thank you everyone for the support. I really don't have anyone to stay with. I can do this. It will be hard but I can do this..

If he wants to leave after I loose my weight I really don't think I am going to stop him. Like someone said he is controlling.

Thank you again

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[Toya214 17]

I sympathies with you, you need support not someone who is going to do this to you. My husband is extremely supportive and I am on my two week liquid diet as well (Day 6) and he eats in another room and even when he forgets he says oh I am sorry I will put this away.

If he can't get on board with your new life then I am afraid that you have to start a new life without him. I have been married for 20 years and if my husband said what he said to you I would have packed his bags and sent him on his way! I know it is easy for us to say because we are not in your position but believe me your life is at stake!

[helenpgh 81]

If it was me....I would definitely consider counseling for the two of you. He may be afraid of the changes that will come with your surgery and need reassurance that you won't leave him when you become thin. Or he is sabotaging you for some other reason. The two of you need to work this out if you value your relationship. That's my opinion.