Identity crisis?

[Chrystee 838]

Has anyone gone through an identity crisis after WLS? I feel overall happier than before, but I don't know if its culmination of my age (36) and the weight loss, but I feel like I'm going through a bit of an identity or mid life crisis? I'm glad my husband is giving me a little leeway, and we are having fun "discovering" things together.. but then I feel a little depressed lately too.. my whole identity is changing.. People call me beautiful, gorgeous, a MILF.. and I'm just not used to these things.. they seem so foreign.

When I was over 250-300 pounds, people mostly ignored me.. no one looked in my eyes.. people were barely friendly.. my husband agrees that my personality hasn't changed that much.. but just the outside me.. I also discovered changes in my sexuality, that I had no idea existed. I went from 0 sex drive, to 150 MPH, raging, always wanting sex as well..

I'm rambling, but just wondered if anyone else has gone through this, and do the hormones calm down after a bit?

[gowalking 10,790]

After losing 100 lbs. I looked at myself in the mirror and had no idea who was staring back at me. I was fortunate enough to find a therapist with experience working with weight loss patients and I've been seeing her for over two years now working on getting to the heart of my issues.

As many know, the weight is a symptom of whatever our issues are. It took me such a long time to even acknowledge that for me, being fat meant I could hide the things that hurt me. Now that there's no fat to hide behind, I'm having to face those issues head on and learn how to deal with them. It's very much a work in progress so know that what you are going through, many others have gone through as well.

In my opinion, there's no way we can change our outside so drastically without changing what made us so self destructive in the first place.

If you find that you are having difficulties with all the changes, don't hesitate to speak with a professional. If you are getting the help and support you need from your husband and other loved ones, you may be able to identify your new self with time alone.

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

I think everyone in their mid 30s goes through a bit of a crisis. With 40 looming and college and your 20s behind you, people start taking stock of where their life is going.

I am adjusting from being a pretty big girl, to being just a regular pretty chick or maybe just average. I notice now women don't talk to me as much as they used to. I used to always have lots of women talk to me whenever I went places but women engage me less than they did when I was larger. I'm an outgoing extrovert and people are usually drawn to me. People still talking to me, but its just not the same. I also get fewer compliments from women but more compliments from men. It amuses me.

I always had a high sex drive and that hasn't changed. I think it is pretty normal that young healthy people have strong sex drives, if they don't something is medically or mentally wrong with them. That is biology at work, young people of child bearing age are supposed to want to have sex, that is how the human race continues.

I never had a fat neck, I could still always wear chokers and I barely had a double chin. I don't see a lot of difference in my face except my high cheekbones look a little higher and stand out more. When I look in the mirror, I don't really see a huge difference. I see it in a full length mirror and their are mirrors all over my home, but I always think about how far I have to go still, not how far I have come. It helps that I didn't hate myself before or think I was ugly or unattractive.

Now I am rambling, anyway I think it is normal to take stock of your life for an self aware intelligent person. If you weren't that would be more of a concern.

[OKCPirate 5,323]

@@Chrystee - Libido is now at 150? Please hide from @KindaFamiliar

Mine has been way over the top after I dropped below 220. And it makes sense, I'm just healthier. Thankfully I'm now in a committed relationship, it was getting really weird last year. ;-(

Being better looking and healthier changes how people see you. There is a new normal coming.

[Chrystee 838]

@@Chrystee - Libido is now at 150? Please hide from @KindaFamiliar

Mine has been way over the top after I dropped below 220. And it makes sense, I'm just healthier. Thankfully I'm now in a committed relationship, it was getting really weird last year. ;-(

Being better looking and healthier changes how people see you. There is a new normal coming.

Yes.. its crazy.. I never had a sex drive.. and now I want it all the time.

He is being patient, and we have done some fun stuff with others..

I have had a few highs and lows.. had a couple depressing moments.. but all in all I'm SO MUCH happier than before.

[Djmohr 6,965]

I think what you are feeling is normal and we all go through it whether you are 30 or 50. Once we start losing the weight, we feel younger and certainly more vibrant.

I do think people that we knew tend to act differently especially after seeing you for the first time after such a significant weight loss. I don't believe it is me changing as much as they are not sure how to act around us.

I spoke to a friend last night for 2 hours. We have not seen each other in about 15 months. When she saw my new pic on Facebook, she said she could not even comprehend that it was me. Apparently my thin face no longer looks the same. As we talked and talked, she said Deb, you are still the same you and I miss you so much! I said I only shed another whole me but my personality is still the same, I promise.

So many times people that once knew us as a heavy person who hid behind dark clothing and tried to stay inconspicuous think that deep down everything has changed. Well, in mycase that is just not true. I might be more confident in the way I look and I might show up in vibrant colors but I am still in here.

I think it all just takes a lot of time and some women that were not your friends are now find you as their competition. We are simply not used to that feeling.

[Roostertail2 98]

I had some major issues with the people in my life over the past few months. Everyone said I have changed. Well I dont think my personality has changed at all - I have always been outspoken and comical. What changed was I am no longer sitting around the house all day long watching TV. I am the first to say "lets do something" instead of trying to figure out ways to stay home. I enjoy myself now. Why is it that my family and friends have to make me feel guilty for finally living my life? They act like they were happier with the "old" me. Well guess what - I wasnt happy so everyone will either have to get over it and get used to the new improved me - or they have the option of not being in my life anymore!

I dont really see myself differently when I look in the mirror - in fact I still have the "fat" sight issue. Even though I am down to a size 12 from a size 20 I still see myself as fat. I dont know if I will ever get over that or not but I am not beating myself up for it anymore either!

[Andrew0929 1,102]

I had some major issues with the people in my life over the past few months. Everyone said I have changed. Well I dont think my personality has changed at all - I have always been outspoken and comical. What changed was I am no longer sitting around the house all day long watching TV. I am the first to say "lets do something" instead of trying to figure out ways to stay home. I enjoy myself now. Why is it that my family and friends have to make me feel guilty for finally living my life? They act like they were happier with the "old" me. Well guess what - I wasnt happy so everyone will either have to get over it and get used to the new improved me - or they have the option of not being in my life anymore!

I dont really see myself differently when I look in the mirror - in fact I still have the "fat" sight issue. Even though I am down to a size 12 from a size 20 I still see myself as fat. I dont know if I will ever get over that or not but I am not beating myself up for it anymore either!

I'm going through similar issues. I have so much energy now that I can't sit still. I'm bored sitting in front of the TV and doing other sedentary activities.

I think my high-energy attitude may be too much for one family member and one friend, but I don't care.

[SanDiegoGirl 7]

I've lost just over 100 lbs in about 6 years and surprisingly my agoraphobia has reared its ugly head. I'm just 10 lbs over my goal. I don't enjoy leaving the house because interactions with men are very uncomfortable for me. I still view me as the old me and I get chatted up constantly. I was groped twice at the grocery store.

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

I'm a totally different person. I've found my voice. I'm also freshly divorced. I am confident in my appearance and carry myself differently. I speak up now. What I wasn't prepared for was becoming the thin friend among my small circle of besties.

I'm now thinner than all three of my best friends. We're not a group, and don't see each other together, so I hadn't noticed it much. But yesterday I was walking down the street, girly shopping with my best friend, and two women were walking toward us.

Courtesy would dictate that they and we would each form single file lines so we could pass one another and all stay on the sidewalk. However, the other women kept yakking and stayed two abreast. I fell a step behind my friend. The approaching women didn't fall into single file. My friend held her ground as we walked past the women, and her shoulder bumped one of them.

As we walked on, my friend muttered, "damn if I'm walking in the grass". I said ,"huh?" My friend said, "If they expected me to move onto the grass just because I'm bigger than them, they thought wrong."

This startled me for a couple of reasons. First, I've never heard my friend talk like that. She's gained about fifty pounds (all in her hips, just like her mom is built) over the last dozen years and probably weighs about 225 at 5'6". She's never been on a diet IN HER LIFE. She's not a compulsive overeater like I am. I suppose she eats more than she needs since clearly she's got this extra weight, but she doesn't binge like I did all my life. She's always been my skinny friend. But now she outweighs me by at least forty-five pounds.

But here's the kicker. I didn't interpret those women not budging because of any judgment on their part. I just attributed it to self-absorbed, oblivious rudeness. And yet my friend concluded they were judging themselves as superior to her because of her size.

MY MIND DOESN'T GO THERE ANYMORE.

When I walk down a sidewalk I'm just another woman. Not a big woman. Not a lesser woman. Not an ashamed woman. Not an angry woman.

I was saddened and affected by my friend's comment. I wondered when she began to refer to herself as "bigger than". Because I don't remember when that happened. I was always the fat one and I was always the one who stayed home and avoided social events. My friend is still a social butterfly and is the first one on a dance floor (not me, I've got two left feet). I didn't pursue the conversation because I was at a loss for what to say. We quickly turned our attention to something shiny in a store window.

But it's been on my mind ever since.

JustWatchMe

[Julie norton 2,850]

That is a great observation how I used to internalize situations also.

[vens1920 16]

I was telling my BFF today that I felt more confident at 300 lbs. than at do at 200 lbs. that I weight now. I have always been curvy and as the weight fell off, it accentuated my curves even more. Now, I feel like I just want to blend in the background and do not want to be noticed.

I am 3 yrs. and 7 months out and this is still hard to absorb. I was told that it takes sometimes 5 yrs. or more to return to "normal".

Without the help of my support group, I would probably be in a worst state of mind. I encourage everyone to join/connect with a support group because you are not alone.

[bellabloom 2,469]

Yes. It's a process. I found I had to go through a period of grief over the larger woman I used to be, the abuse I went though over my weight, and the self hatred I had for myself. I had to forgive myself and move on. I had to learn to love myself unconditionally because simply losing weight wasn't enough for that to happen.

I'm still having trouble being in a committed relationship because I enjoy dating and exploring my options now that I have more of them. I'm taking it day by day and focusing on myself and self care.

I'm still me but a better version on me. The best change happened when I decided to stop dieting all together and allow my weight to settle at the point it wished to. I took myself out of the dieting mindset and a whole world opened up.