What Has Been Your Most Surprising Relationship Regarding WLS?

[Alex Brecher 10,516]

A lot of surprises come up after WLS, and some of the most unexpected have to do with personal relationships. Sometimes, they make sense. The people who say they are going to support you actually do, for example, while the ones who made it clear they’re anti-bariatric surgery don’t change their minds in the slightest.

However, there can be some surprises, either good and bad. One of the best surprises is to find an unexpected ally or friend – someone who maybe didn’t seem so keen on your surgery at the beginning, or who didn’t talk to you much before surgery, but who after surgery lets you know how much they respect you, or that they want to be your friend. There may be family members who step up to help and let you know how proud they are of your hard work.

On the other hand, there are nasty surprises, too. Some of the most common are friends who no longer see you as an “eating buddy” and can’t find much use for you anymore, and “friends” who can’t seem to embrace the fact that you’re not their “fat friend” anymore. Possibly worse are the spouses or significant others who don’t want to live with someone who’s following a healthier lifestyle, often out of jealousy or a feeling of being threatened. There may be the in-laws who won’t respect your new lifestyle choices, too.

So, did you have any surprising changes in your relationships after getting (or deciding to get) weight loss surgery? What happened? Did you gain or lose a fan? Share how you handled it!

[Thecloude1 342]

I didn't tell my best friend I was having WLS until a few weeks after because I was afraid she would try to talk me out of it. I was pleasantly surprised how supportive she was after I told her. Her brother had RNY about 10 yrs ago and he has gained a lot of weight back, so I expected a lecture. I haven't had any "bad" feedback from friends or family yet and I'm 4 months Post op

[AvaFern 3,516]

I only told my three best friends about the procedure and they have always been supportive. On a side note, when I first saw this post I thought you were asking about the most surprising relationship with food that occurred after surgery, lol. Now that I've read the full post, I'm not sure how I arrived at that initial thought, but maybe this works anyway.

My most surprising relationship difference after surgery is that which I have with food. There is no longer good or bad food, food doesn't make me cry (unless it made me sick in which case crying is entirely possible), and I don't eat specific foods for specific moods. I don't avoid any type of food and nothing is banned. I generally don't each chocolate unless it's around the holidays, but the last year or so I just haven't had the same craving for sweets. I haven't had a single baked good, other than a few gluten free oatmeal Cookies last week with my gluten intolerant friend, since 2015. Food is just there now...it doesn't torment me from the pantry or the grocery store and I rarely crave anything. I eat when I'm hungry, sometimes when I'm bored, and I have no real emotional connection to food anymore. There's no excitement at the thought of eating anything and there's no sadness after I eat something that maybe wasn't the healthiest. I can have a few bites of food that tastes good and have no real desire to eat the rest of it. I imagine that I could actually be one of those people that eats one Oreo and not the entire box now, although I don't keep them in the house so who knows. Food and I had an amicable divorce...we're still friendly neighbors, we wave when we see each other, but past that, who knows and who cares what food happens to be doing....it isn't my best friend, my enemy, my boyfriend, my mother, or my emotional crutch/crippler anymore- it just exists.

So...that is my biggest relationship change, it just wasn't with a person, haha.

[Seagull 140]

I totally forgot to tell anyone until about 15 minutes before I left work the Friday before.

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[Alex Brecher 10,516]

@@Thecloude1, Good – I am glad to hear it. That’s exactly how it should be, since nobody should get negative feedback on a personal decision!

@@AvaFern, Thanks for sharing that! I am so happy for you. So many of us who get WLS hope that WLS will allow them to change their relationship with food, so that food becomes just “food” and not something that rules their lives. Enjoy your new relationship!

@@Seagull, LOL! That’s great you were relaxed enough about surgery to forget to tell people. That certainly takes away the stress of deciding whether to tell people, and when!

[Wolfgirl78 266]

I didn't find any unexpected supporters afterwards. Lol

I told just about everyone in my life I was having surgery with a few exceptions, people I knew would be negative.

I've lost a couple friends along the way though. My best friend, since we were 12, quit speaking to me around the 2 year post op mark. She told other people we have in common that she didn't like the person I've become since losing weight. But, apparently there had been some underlying issues with our friendship for years that I was unaware of. She also told mutual friends of ours that she was tired of competing with me, I had a better house, better hair, better car, better body etc and she was tired of it all. I had no idea we had been "in competition " with each other our whole friendship. I know me losing weight changed the dynamics of our friendship, we had both been morbidly obsess, and suddenly she was still and I was not. I've tried reaching out to her to mend things but she has been abundantly clear she wants nothing to do with me. I've stopped reaching out to her, as she was vicious every time. I did not even try again when her father died last September. Logically I know I'm better off without her if she felt that way about me and our friendship, but it still hurts, and I have had trouble letting go. However I have no control of the situation.

My other friend was a supervisor where I worked. A couple weeks when I went back to work after my surgery, you know the time when you're all hormonal and borderline crazy, I called her out on some favoritism she showed another employee. She had been doing that for years, and while it bothered me I never said anything just complained to my other co-workers. Well she didn't like it at all. My supervisor spoke to me about it, and he said while he agreed with me and my stance that there was nothing he could do about it as she was the senior supervisor there and in favor with the guy who runs the place, is all our bosses, and he generally sided with her. I did apologize to her, tried to explain about my hormones being out of whack, and told her I should've never spoke to her like that. She accepted my apology, but things were never the same between us, and I know she did do things to take digs at me and screw me work wise. She retired about a year ago, and has moved out of the area. I do regret not being able to bite my tongue in that situation.

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