Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

When online dating didnt work out....



Recommended Posts

so what would be the next step after the whole online dating thing didnt work out?

i am so rusty at all of this....

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I had to kiss a lot of frogs to find my prince.............

just move forward with good boundaries. get out, enjoy life, do things you like, meet people. I believe the right one will show up probably when you're just doing something else.

I met my husband online at a common interest site, there wasn't online dating back then - not that I know of anyway.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Keep trying. Or rather, don't just give up because you had one or two bad dates. Live your life, be as social as you're comfortable being, and just... be you!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Don't condemn online dating after one bad experience. There are lots of people out there. Which online dating sites have you tried?

Another option is to join some meetup groups that match your interests. Especially for activity based meetups. Even if you don't end up with dates, you make new friends of both genders and get to be active with a group of people. I found some for hiking, social activities, specifically singles activities. There are an almost infinite number of meetups out there.

Good luck!

pam

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Keep dating. :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It is a numbers game. My last three months on Match.com

I sent 149 emails via their site

I received 61 back

15 coffee dates

6 real dates

3 multiple dates

1 possible match that had to be aborted because of serious signs of mental illness

And finally She showed up and we have been going out for the last eight months and it keeps getting better every time we go out.

Here is an interesting thread on the subject: http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/336754-unsolicited-online-dating-advice/

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Online dating can be frustrating, you have to do lots of "weeding" so to speak.... Just have fun with it, at its worse it's given you some dating experience... At best you could meet your match...

Some where in the middle you can fund some adult fun too.

"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them"

Einstein

Edited by nyteacher125

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Keep trying and have a lot of laughs along the way. If it's not working, stop contact, explain why and move on.

I met my husband online... sometimes it does work out :D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It could still work out - there's no end date. Just put yourself out there - try different sites. Find some great activities to do and meet people that way. And enjoy being alone - don't feel desperate to find someone. I also have to say - don't dismiss people based on initial looks, likes or dislikes. Open your mind to the possibilities. Be confident!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@@KristenLe not sure your age range but in the 40's some people let themselves go way too far if they have been single too long... Keeping your sense of humor is key. I can't wait to see what dating will be like after WLS, pre op it's been pretty hysterical.

"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them"

Einstein

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Like others have said and..

Get someone else, like maybe a trusted guy to look at your profile for suggestions. I actually looked at my brother's and took note. Maybe it can be improved to be more positive, less wordy or whatever..

Ensure you have good boundaries and confidence so the creepers will go away and you can spot the narcissists a mile away (Let me Reach with Kim Saeed is a magical website for seeing those types of dynamics in relationships).

Keep trying and see dates as Job Interviews, jettison the junk, and the dates keep you on your toes, so to speak.

Go to events of people that have interests you have. Go to Meetups and search for, let's say, Hikes, in your area and join a group. Then at least you have a group of people that you may become buddies/friends with and might find a sweetie too.

..and here I am, going to take my 45 year old self's advice :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@ I just turned 48 but met my boyfriend online at 41 years old. I met a few doozies in the process (one with dirty socks on) and actually hadn't even seen a picture of Bob before we met in person. You have to take a chance - thankfully mine paid off. I hope I never have to do it again though.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm so sorry to hear that you aren't having a good time online dating. Like everyone says, you have to weed through a lot of bozos but you can also find someone wonderful! I met my fiancé on OKC and I still can't believe I found such a wonderful, loving and thoughtful partner to spend my life with. Here are some tips from my ups and downs with online dating:

  1. Get a girlfriend to do online dating with you. Have a fun, girly night where you create your profiles, get dolled up and take some awesome photos. You can help edit each other's profiles to keep them fun and light and you can start this adventure in a positive way rather than feeling like you are caving in to a last resort.
  2. Take breaks. If you aren't enjoying online dating it shows and you are less likely to be successful. Everyone takes breaks from online dating - it's best to come back to it when you aren't so drained from the experience.
  3. Try casual dating online before you look for a long term relationship. I found my fiancé while we were both looking for something casual and love struck us. But before I met him, I had a great summer going on casual dates and getting to know different people. Not being so invested in trying to find a relationship let me focus on MY needs and I was in a great head space when the right one came along.
  4. This was just my experience but as this is a weight loss forum... I found I had much more success when I embraced body positivity. Before this, any guy who complimented me on my curves or said they were looking for a curvy woman I wrote off as a fat fetishist. Lord knows there are creepy fat fetishists on dating websites but some men just love a curvy body and not only is that ok, but it's awesome.
  5. Check out the Bye Felipe Instagram account and podcast. They were started by women coming together to laugh at the misogynists and creepers who we have all encountered online and it is better to laugh at these ridiculous messages than to cry. Bye Felipe is also sponsored by the Burner App, which allows you to use temporary phone numbers instead of giving out your real one - which I really wish had been around when I was online dating.

So, those are my tips. Sorry for the novel - but good luck with your journey and hopefully this helps!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

so what would be the next step after the whole online dating thing didnt work out?

i am so rusty at all of this....

I'm having the same dilemma. I'm sort of on a hiatus from online dating. It just became so exhausting.

Sent from my SM-G925T using the BariatricPal App

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You can cast a wider net, but you don't have to give up the dating sites. An acquaintance who will very soon marry a man from a dating website simply decided to keep meeting and dating from it until she found the right one.

You will find a lot of incompatible or inappropriate me, but there are good ones with good intentions. Just be sure of your requirements and, moreso, which are non-negotiable.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Recent Topics

  • Most popular:

  • Recent Status Updates

    • Jobber

      Feel like it's time for a status update, I haven't been on here regularly in a while and I need to keep my mindset focused on my goals.
      I haven't weighed myself in ~ 3 weeks.  I think I'm becoming the opposite of "obsessive" about tracking my progress and it could cause me some issues.  The good thing is that there have still been quite a number of NSV's happening that is telling me that I'm still progressing without knowing what the scale says.
      First one is that a belt I bought about 5 weeks ago because all my other belts were too big is also on the last hole so I'll have to buy yet another belt again.  second, I bought new jeans about a month ago and I have a lot more slack in the waist than I did when I purchased them.  I also boarded a plane and had about 8 inches of slack in the belt.  Finally, I hit my goal last week of being able to ride go-carts with my kids.  The last time I tried about 4 years ago, I had to leave because I couldn't fit in the harness.  This was sweet victory and I showed those two how it was done on the race course!!  😈
      · 1 reply
      1. FluffyChix

        Congrats!!!

    • Krestel

      I just looked through all my old pants after my pre-op pants started getting to big. Keep in mind that I wear men's pants (usually cargos) because I am so tall 5'10"/5'11" ish. I also find that men's baggies tend to fit me better.
      I started out at a 44 in waist pant and quickly found that I was back down to my 42's. So even when thise got to be too big, I had to start pulling old clothes out of storage. After finding my 38's, I thought that these would not yet fit, but when I tried them on, they fit perfectly. I also found some older pants that now fit better than I remembered. What a relief! It's not like I can pop down to the store like I could do in the US and the styles here in Sweden are all skinnt jeans which I cant stand. I also found some 36's, but I'm not mentally ready to try those on yet. The biggest challenge will be buying women's clothing again. 
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • allwet

      slow and steady wins the race.  don't get discouraged and just keep at it. Let your sleeve do its job and try not to stress yourself out.
      hope you are all having a great summer and enjoying what your sleeve has given you.
      just got back from a wedding in OR. and man am i afraid to get on the scale  
      · 2 replies
      1. Orchids&Dragons

        Fascinating! Thank you!

      2. Krestel

        Great reminder about how fast you can lose weight. The mind games we play with ourselves are the worst.

    • TinaLeo  »  mombrown35

      I had ESG on July 1st down  15 lbs at weigh in July 11th
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • debra102364

      The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams
      Eleanor Roosevelt
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
  • Trending Topics

  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs
    ×