Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

When online dating didnt work out....



Recommended Posts

so what would be the next step after the whole online dating thing didnt work out?

i am so rusty at all of this....

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I had to kiss a lot of frogs to find my prince.............

just move forward with good boundaries. get out, enjoy life, do things you like, meet people. I believe the right one will show up probably when you're just doing something else.

I met my husband online at a common interest site, there wasn't online dating back then - not that I know of anyway.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Keep trying. Or rather, don't just give up because you had one or two bad dates. Live your life, be as social as you're comfortable being, and just... be you!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Don't condemn online dating after one bad experience. There are lots of people out there. Which online dating sites have you tried?

Another option is to join some meetup groups that match your interests. Especially for activity based meetups. Even if you don't end up with dates, you make new friends of both genders and get to be active with a group of people. I found some for hiking, social activities, specifically singles activities. There are an almost infinite number of meetups out there.

Good luck!

pam

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Keep dating. :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It is a numbers game. My last three months on Match.com

I sent 149 emails via their site

I received 61 back

15 coffee dates

6 real dates

3 multiple dates

1 possible match that had to be aborted because of serious signs of mental illness

And finally She showed up and we have been going out for the last eight months and it keeps getting better every time we go out.

Here is an interesting thread on the subject: http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/336754-unsolicited-online-dating-advice/

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Online dating can be frustrating, you have to do lots of "weeding" so to speak.... Just have fun with it, at its worse it's given you some dating experience... At best you could meet your match...

Some where in the middle you can fund some adult fun too.

"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them"

Einstein

Edited by nyteacher125

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Keep trying and have a lot of laughs along the way. If it's not working, stop contact, explain why and move on.

I met my husband online... sometimes it does work out :D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It could still work out - there's no end date. Just put yourself out there - try different sites. Find some great activities to do and meet people that way. And enjoy being alone - don't feel desperate to find someone. I also have to say - don't dismiss people based on initial looks, likes or dislikes. Open your mind to the possibilities. Be confident!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@@KristenLe not sure your age range but in the 40's some people let themselves go way too far if they have been single too long... Keeping your sense of humor is key. I can't wait to see what dating will be like after WLS, pre op it's been pretty hysterical.

"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them"

Einstein

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Like others have said and..

Get someone else, like maybe a trusted guy to look at your profile for suggestions. I actually looked at my brother's and took note. Maybe it can be improved to be more positive, less wordy or whatever..

Ensure you have good boundaries and confidence so the creepers will go away and you can spot the narcissists a mile away (Let me Reach with Kim Saeed is a magical website for seeing those types of dynamics in relationships).

Keep trying and see dates as Job Interviews, jettison the junk, and the dates keep you on your toes, so to speak.

Go to events of people that have interests you have. Go to Meetups and search for, let's say, Hikes, in your area and join a group. Then at least you have a group of people that you may become buddies/friends with and might find a sweetie too.

..and here I am, going to take my 45 year old self's advice :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@ I just turned 48 but met my boyfriend online at 41 years old. I met a few doozies in the process (one with dirty socks on) and actually hadn't even seen a picture of Bob before we met in person. You have to take a chance - thankfully mine paid off. I hope I never have to do it again though.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm so sorry to hear that you aren't having a good time online dating. Like everyone says, you have to weed through a lot of bozos but you can also find someone wonderful! I met my fiancé on OKC and I still can't believe I found such a wonderful, loving and thoughtful partner to spend my life with. Here are some tips from my ups and downs with online dating:

  1. Get a girlfriend to do online dating with you. Have a fun, girly night where you create your profiles, get dolled up and take some awesome photos. You can help edit each other's profiles to keep them fun and light and you can start this adventure in a positive way rather than feeling like you are caving in to a last resort.
  2. Take breaks. If you aren't enjoying online dating it shows and you are less likely to be successful. Everyone takes breaks from online dating - it's best to come back to it when you aren't so drained from the experience.
  3. Try casual dating online before you look for a long term relationship. I found my fiancé while we were both looking for something casual and love struck us. But before I met him, I had a great summer going on casual dates and getting to know different people. Not being so invested in trying to find a relationship let me focus on MY needs and I was in a great head space when the right one came along.
  4. This was just my experience but as this is a weight loss forum... I found I had much more success when I embraced body positivity. Before this, any guy who complimented me on my curves or said they were looking for a curvy woman I wrote off as a fat fetishist. Lord knows there are creepy fat fetishists on dating websites but some men just love a curvy body and not only is that ok, but it's awesome.
  5. Check out the Bye Felipe Instagram account and podcast. They were started by women coming together to laugh at the misogynists and creepers who we have all encountered online and it is better to laugh at these ridiculous messages than to cry. Bye Felipe is also sponsored by the Burner App, which allows you to use temporary phone numbers instead of giving out your real one - which I really wish had been around when I was online dating.

So, those are my tips. Sorry for the novel - but good luck with your journey and hopefully this helps!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

so what would be the next step after the whole online dating thing didnt work out?

i am so rusty at all of this....

I'm having the same dilemma. I'm sort of on a hiatus from online dating. It just became so exhausting.

Sent from my SM-G925T using the BariatricPal App

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You can cast a wider net, but you don't have to give up the dating sites. An acquaintance who will very soon marry a man from a dating website simply decided to keep meeting and dating from it until she found the right one.

You will find a lot of incompatible or inappropriate me, but there are good ones with good intentions. Just be sure of your requirements and, moreso, which are non-negotiable.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • Prdgrdma

      So I guess after gastric bypass surgery, I cant eat flock chips because they are fried???  They sell them on here so I thought I could have them. So high in protein and no carbs.  They don't bother me at all.  Help. 
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        It's possible for a very high fat meal to cause dumping in some (30% or so) gastric bypass patients, although it's more likely to be triggered by high sugar, or by the high fat/high sugar combo (think ice cream, donuts). Dietitians will tell you to never do anything that isn't 100% healthy ever again. Realistically, you should aim for a good balance of protein, carbs, and fat each day. Should you eat fried foods every day? No. Is it possible they will make you sick? Maybe. Is it okay to eat some to see what happens and have them for a treat every now and again? Yes.

    • NovelTee

      I'm not at all hungry on this liquid pre-op diet, but I miss the sensation of chewing. It's been about two weeks––surgery is in two days––and I can't imagine how I'll feel a couple of weeks post-op. Tonight, I randomly stumbled upon a mukbang channel on YouTube, and it was strangely soothing... is it just me, or is this a thing? 
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        I actually watched cooking shows during my pre-op, like Great British Baking Show. It was a little bizarre, but didn't make me hungry. I think it was also soothing in a way.

    • Clueless_girl

      How do you figure out what your ideal weight should be? I've had a figure in my head for years, but after 3 mths of recovery I'm already almost there. So maybe my goal should be lower?
      · 3 replies
      1. NickelChip

        Well, there is actually a formula for "Ideal Body Weight" and you can use a calculator to figure it out for you. This one also does an adjusted weight for a person who starts out overweight or obese. https://www.mdcalc.com/calc/68/ideal-body-weight-adjusted-body-weight

        I would use that as a starting point, and then just see how you feel as you lose. How you look and feel is more important than a number.

      2. Clueless_girl

        I did find different calculators but I couldn't find any that accounted for body frame. But you're right, it is just a number. It was just disheartening to see that although I lost 60% of my excess weight, it's still not in the "normal/healthy" range..

      3. NickelChip

        I think it's important to remember that the weight charts and BMI ranges were developed a very long time ago and only intended to be applied to people who have never been overweight or obese. Those numbers aren't for us. When you are larger, especially for a long time, your body develops extra bone to support the weight. Your organs get a little bigger to handle the extra mass. Your entire infrastructure increases so you can support and function with the extra weight. That doesn't all go away just because you burn off the excess fat. If you still had a pair of jeans from your skinniest point in life and then lost weight to get to the exact number on the scale you were when those jeans fit you, chances are they would be a little baggy now because you would actually be thinner than you were, even though the scale and the BMI chart disagree. When in doubt, listen to the jeans, not the scale!

    • Aunty Mamo

      Tomorrow marks two weeks since surgery day and while I'm feeling remarkably well and going about just about every normal activity, I did wind up with a surface abscess on on of my incision sights and was put on an antibiotic that made me so impacted that it took me more than two hours to eliminate yesterday and scared the hell out of me. Now there's Miralax in all my beverages that aren't Smooth Move tea. I cannot experience that again. I shouldn't have to take Ativan to go to the lady's. I really looking forward to my body getting with the program again. 
      I'm in day three of the "puree" stage of eating and despite the strange textures, all of the savory flavors seem decadent. 
      I timed this surgery so that I'd be recovering during my spring break. That was a good plan. Today is a state holiday and the final day of break. I feel really strong to return to school tomorrow. 
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • BeanitoDiego

      Now that I'm in maintenance mode, I'm getting a into a routine for my meals. Every day, I start out with 8-16 ounces of water, and then a proffee, which I have come to look forward to even the night before. My proffees are simply a black coffee with a protein powder added. There are three products that I cycle through: Premier Vanilla, Orgain Vanilla, and Dymatize Vanilla.
      For second breakfast on workdays, I will have a low-fat yogurt with two tablespoons of PBFit and two teaspoons of no sugar added dried cherries. I will have ingested 35-45 grams of protein at this point between the two breakfasts, with 250-285 calories, and about 20 carbs.
      For second breakfast on non-workdays, I will prepare two servings of plain, instant oatmeal with a tablespoon of an olive oil-based spread. This means I will have had 34 grams of protein, 365 calories, and 38 carbs. Non-workdays are when I am being very active with training sessions, so I allow myself more carbohydrate fuel.
      Snacks on any day are always mixed nuts, even when I am travelling. I will have 0.2 cups of a blend that I make myself. It consists of dry roasted peanuts, cashews, pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, pistachios, and Brazil nuts. This is 5 grams of protein, 163 calories, and 7 carbs.
      Breakfast and snacks have been the easiest to nail down. Lunch and dinner have more variables, and I prepare enough for leftovers. I concentrate on protein first, and then add vegetables. Typically tempeh, tofu, or Field Roast products with roasted or sautéed vegetables. Today, I will be eating leftovers from last night. Two ounces of tempeh with four ounces of roasted vegetables that consist of red and yellow sweet peppers, sweet potatoes, small purple potatoes, zucchini, and carrots. I will add a tablespoon of olive oil-based spread, break up 3 walnuts to sprinkle of top, and garnish with two tablespoons of grated Parmesan cheese. This particular meal will be 19 grams of protein, 377 calories, and 28 grams of carbs. Bear in mind that I do eat more carbs when I am not working, and I focus on ingesting healthy carbs instead of breads/crackers/chips/crisps.
      It's a helluva journey and I'm thankful to be on it!
       
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×