Loneliness

[pinklantern 23]

I'm 4 weeks post op today. I've never felt more alone. I'm having regrets. It took me over two years to make my decision to revision from the band to the sleeve. Reasons that I feared would happen with relationships, friendships, things that I enjoy doing started very early on in my two month post op phase and continue. I know that I should be patient. I know things will get easier with time, but when the scale is not moving and I can't even get a friend to say "hey, how's it going? Wanna do something not revolving around food or alcohol?" It's just very discouraging. I'm also struggling to do things that I enjoy alone. Reading, drawing, going for walks. Nothing interests me...

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

We can all use friends.

But sometimes -- as in my own case -- we can also use a therapist.

Would you be interested in finding one who helps folks going through bariatric surgery? Mine has been a great resource for me.

It sounds to me (?) like it's not so much what's happening around / to you -- but how you're reacting to it all that's causing you pain.

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

I live and work alone, so I am alone most of the time. My solution was to get a dog. My rescue took away my loneliness and being a pet owner helped me meet people in my neighborhood. When we walk, we talk to everyone.

Most social events involve food and alcohol. You might as well learn sooner rather than later how to be a skinny girl. Show up and drink Water. Don't dodge life just because there is temptation.

Edited May 13, 2016 by OutsideMatchInside

[pinklantern 23]

If only getting a pet was an option. I do show up to things but I think people feel awkward around me because I'm not drinking or eating the same kind of things. Actually, I know they do even when I've reassured them that I'm totally cool with it. I do plan on seeing a therapist in the near future. From past experience, finding a good fit can take a few tries.

[KristenLe 5,979]

@@pinklantern Maybe your friends are picking up on your mood and are afraid to bring up the surgery. Your hormones are all out of whack. I would also encourage therapy. Bariatric Programs should have Post WLS Depression programs just like Post Partum Depression - as it's very common. Hope things look up soon.

[Andrea72 510]

@@pinklantern

I totally get where you are coming from. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were pretty much describing what I've been dealing with the past 7 weeks.

I've been pretty much a loaner most of my life and was ok with it, but what I didn't realize was how food played a huge part in making me ok with it until I had the surgery and couldn't eat. I'm not saying that is you just sharing what I'm dealing with.

Anyway, I too can't seem to find anyone to do anything with and I very much struggle with doing things alone.

It's hard, but I've started forcing myself to do things because I know I can't continue down this road of destruction.

Haven't gotten out much, but I already see a vast adjustment mentally.

Things will get better and if you ever want to talk about anything and everything, feel free to send me a message. I always enjoy meeting new people.

[pinklantern 23]

@@Andrea72 It appears as though we have a similar story. That in and of itself is comforting. [emoji4] I know it will get better, it just sucks working through it.

[2goldengirl 2,076]

I do show up to things but I think people feel awkward around me because I'm not drinking or eating the same kind of things. Actually, I know they do even when I've reassured them that I'm totally cool with it.

If they're having a problem, then it's their problem, not yours. You can only do you, y'know?

[jane13 2,256]

@@pinklantern - going to ask why does it matter what you are drinking or eating?

When I go out to eat and we sit at the bar waiting for a table, I drink Water. I don't ask what everyone is drinking that are at the bar. I don't like scotch, gin and most dark beers. If I am with a group or party, and I have been, and they are all drinking Guinness I NO WAY feel uncomfortable about not drinking.

If they start chanting TOGA< TOGA< TOGA - don't drop your sheet, but run! Trying to make you laugh...

If they are eating calamari (ick), sushi (more ick) or Lamb (triple ICK!) - there is no way in heck I going to feel guilty about NOT eating.

My point is I think it is more your perception. If there is "pressure" to try something, politely decline.

My husband likes to eat out a lot. We have family get togethers at our daughters. It is all based on food. SIL fried a turkey, I had a couple of pieces and some grilled veggies, no one asked. Of course there were multiple desserts: cheesecake, lemon pound cake and banana pudding. I didn't even WANT it. This is pretty common menu at these functions and I have been asked things like "have you tried Grandmas homemade pecan pie/pumpkin rolls/yeast rolls?" and I said no I was too full on the other food.< /p>

You have to focus on food being fuel for your body. You didn't go OUT to eat, you went to socialize.

That, in itself, is a great reply to anyone asking why you are not eating.

IMO, you don't owe anyone any explanations about why you are not drinking or eating like everyone else.

[MarciaN 391]

If only getting a pet was an option. I do show up to things but I think people feel awkward around me because I'm not drinking or eating the same kind of things. Actually, I know they do even when I've reassured them that I'm totally cool with it. I do plan on seeing a therapist in the near future. From past experience, finding a good fit can take a few tries.

I was worried about this too, at first. Then I realized that people don't really pay too much attention to what others are eating and drinking. I have no problems going to a bar now and either asking for Water or "nursing" one drink. No one seems to notice that after a few hours it still is barely touched. As for food, we can eat wonderful food. No one notices how much you eat- You may be conveying that you are uncomfortable and that is what people are picking up on. Enjoy the people you are with and they will enjoy being with you. Good Luck

[ProudGrammy 8,322]

never felt more alone - having regrets

@@pinklantern

you are the one that is making healthy new food choices

your friends shouldn't have to eat healthy to help you (it would be nice, but....)

go to those parties with your friends

exercise WON'T power

(i won't eat this and won't eat that!!)

easier said than done

can you find a support group near you?

you will meet people while you are sharing/talking about your common bond

volunteer work??

more people to meet

Please don't 2nd guess surgery

explanation about not keeping friendships

in my opinion that is no good reason

you are doing great with your weight loss

as you loose more weight, you will gain confidence

get back together with older friends

meet and make new friends

walk again, good exercise!!

reading and writing, great "mind" exercise!!

stand tall and strong!!

good luck bud

kathy

[choicemun 111]

I feel your pain 6weeks out and I have never felt so alone. I have learned food was my "best friend" and I never cared too much about what I did with people or didn't do as along as I could eat.

And now that is not much of an option I feel this since of emptiness, I don't want to do anything everyone makes me angry and I still feel regret.

But I hope it gets better and the scale not moving just makes things worse. I am just going to close my eyes and hope with time everything will get better.

I hope things get better for you I wish I could say something to make you feel better.

Good luck....

[Christinamo7 4,041]

@@choicemun I was ANGRY at 3-4 weeks and had some depression after that. I am not normally a subdued person. it is the hormone dump. I am trying to be gentle with myself, and others around me - and I know my usual sparkling personality will re-emerge-

and filtering any important decisions through people I trust.

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

@@Christinamo7

I totally agree.

I made a post around 4-6 weeks about my Dr handing me off to his PA. I am still pissed about it but at the time I was totally irrational about it. Hormones are a bitch.

[CelesteMarie 129]

I'm 4 weeks post op today. I've never felt more alone. I'm having regrets. It took me over two years to make my decision to revision from the band to the sleeve. Reasons that I feared would happen with relationships, friendships, things that I enjoy doing started very early on in my two month post op phase and continue. I know that I should be patient. I know things will get easier with time, but when the scale is not moving and I can't even get a friend to say "hey, how's it going? Wanna do something not revolving around food or alcohol?" It's just very discouraging. I'm also struggling to do things that I enjoy alone. Reading, drawing, going for walks. Nothing interests me...

Awe. I feel for you. The "break up" with food for me is worse than any men I've broken up with! I do know how you are feeling, even though I have a great support system around me. Start doing things you never did before, like volunteering, or going to the gym regularly, or taking up another hobby. I know it's hard, and it WILL get better. People don't realize how much of a major change this is in one's life. I plan on going out with my friends to eat still, it will just be different for me. I am only 8 days out so am still on liquids but when I go back to food, I will do the same things I used to do, just differently. Hope you feel better soon! A good cry helps.

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