local tragedy has the single women in a panic

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

A 40 year old single mom was murdered and chopped up buy a guy she met online. They chatted for a month or more before meeting... and they had been on several dates/3 weeks into it before the incident happened. they went to the Marinars home opener game - so at least the date started out in public. According to everything I have read - she behaved in a reasonably prudent way in terms of length of time, going to public places etc.

I am on a couple of local ladies Facebook groups and there is a general freak out going on "I am never going to date again" type sentiments.

Of course what i know factually is you are much more likely to be murdered by someone you know - which is a disgusting fact in and of itself - but, it still casts a bit of a worrisome doubt.

As it applies to me, I very much trust the man I am seeing, I have met his friends, I know where he works etc. so I have no feeling that I should be afraid. However, that creeping anxiety remains.

Sometimes people in this world really suck.

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

This is awful.

[RILEYSMOM22 344]

That makes me want to do a background check on all men I date.

[jahemenway 40]

I saw that too. Being from Seattle myself, it freaked me out. Knowing that I was in dating mode not that long ago, freaked me out even more. Really getting harder and harder to trust people. Thankfully, they did catch the guy she went on a date with. Hoping if he is guilty he's prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. Prayers for her 3 kids.

[jane13 2,256]

@@CowgirlJane - OMG what a sick S.O.B.

incarceration is TOO good for him....

[OKCPirate 5,323]

That makes me want to do a background check on all men I date.

Yes, actually you should. If I am serious about someone after the coffee date, I'll check to make sure their divorce is final and if they have any criminal charges (mostly concerned about drugs or financial fraud). This internet thing helps, but in this case, probably wouldn't have set off any red flags. I think he had one minor conviction in MO.

Late Addition: Not that this would have helped this poor woman and her kids, but get a Google Phone number so you don't have to give out your cell phone number until you really get to know someone. And Kik messaging App is also a nice way to text, while protecting your privacy.

[Katrinakit 139]

That is so sad, especially because she leaves 3 kids behind.

I have a weird outlook because I am not afraid of pain or death. I am afraid of a lot of things but not that. So I am more worried about my heart being broken than about being murdered. But I AM cautious when I first start dating someone. I guess the scariest part about this case to me is that it happened after a few dates, right around the time when I start feeling comfortable/relaxing around someone. So I probably would have allowed us to be alone too!

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

@@Katrinakit my views are similiar. I don't want to die, but I don't sit around worrying about it either. The other day a very scary horse incident occured that my sons heard but didn't see. I came in the house and my oldest said "mom, did someone just get stomped to death?" I told him what happened (close call, but no one was hurt) and we were heading out and he said... "Mom, don't die today." Even though they are young adults - I still feel that if something were to happen to me, the real tragedy would be the impact on my loved ones. This poor woman had 3 minor children - they REALLY still need their mother.

In the case of this murder, she had been chatting with him awhile, had been dating about 3 weeks... especially if I had met friends or family by then I would be very trusting and getting in a car with him etc. I won't change my behavior significantly because of this but it definately gave me pause.

I am not in the least bit comforted in the knowledge that women are more likely to be assualted/killed by someone they know. That happened to me, I was attacked and held hostage for the better part of a day by someone I had worked with for about 6 months... he pointed a gun at me besides being physically overwhelmed. That happened when I was 17 and i have never forgotten that feeling of being completely not able to control the situation and keep myself safe. We operate under the illusion of safety until we are not...

[MzB 297]

Wow. Even when you take all the right precautions there is still risk of something evil happening. Safety is an illusion I agree. The older I get the sadder I become at what the world is coming to.

[Katrinakit 139]

Wow! How scary!!

[Katrinakit 139]

That's cute that your son said "don't die today"

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

So, I am curious how you are all doing this checking? Did you subscribe to a paid background checking website?

Probably because I am old..haha... many guys dont even have Facebook accounts. When I google names, I tend to get a linked in profile, perhaps some photos posted to google images - that is about it. In the case of the man I am currently seeing, I found his law practice web presence of course. I have never found anything "useful" by checking the internet.

That makes me want to do a background check on all men I date.

Yes, actually you should. If I am serious about someone after the coffee date, I'll check to make sure their divorce is final and if they have any criminal charges (mostly concerned about drugs or financial fraud). This internet thing helps, but in this case, probably wouldn't have set off any red flags. I think he had one minor conviction in MO.

[OKCPirate 5,323]

@@CowgirlJane - Good question. In Oklahoma you go to: http://www.oscn.net/applications/oscn/casesearch.asp. That has all civil and criminal cases are stored.

Every state has an equivalent. These are free. But it takes a little detective work. In the course of conversation you learn where they have lived, you know about how old they are. Sites like http://www.spokeo.com/ can give you their legal name and you search it. Most people my age will tell you how long they have been divorced, and I usually ask where it was done and who was their judge. I can check that quickly.

I will be the first to admit, there is a fine line between creepy stalking and being safe, but I think you owe it to yourself and anyone in your home to be safe. I am remarkably transparent online and have always given women links to my social media (professional and personal) so they can relax a little when we meet (they can tell I'm a real person and can dig deep if they want).

We are lucky to be living at a time when we can do this and I really think you should.

[kaitlynm 335]

I just tried the spokeo website on myself and found lots of errors. In one spot I'm 95 years old instead of 52, and it shows that I'm married and I have never been. They have all kinds of phone numbers listed for me that I've never had and my current cell phone number is one that I had 18 years ago. That can be a problem with some of those sites.

[OKCPirate 5,323]

I just tried the spokeo website on myself and found lots of errors. In one spot I'm 95 years old instead of 52, and it shows that I'm married and I have never been. They have all kinds of phone numbers listed for me that I've never had and my current cell phone number is one that I had 18 years ago. That can be a problem with some of those sites.

I'm sorry, to clarify, Spokeo is a tool, and that's what I mean by doing a "little detective work," You have to realize things get inputted into databases badly. So you have to filter and guess, but it gets you a little closer to figuring out if they are who they say they are and if things look safe. I have a friend who hates being tracked and you can't find him online at all. So its not perfect. But for most, there is usually something.