Surgery woes: Grandpa begged me not to have the surgery

[2goldengirl 2,076]

Great work! I wonder if your mom is aware that going through (and opening) your mail is a felony?

[nyseness 76]

I wouldn't press charges she is your mom for heavens sake, but I would report the charges to your bank. Just explain it wasn't you and they will investigate. Why should you have to suffer due to her actions? No matter what you choose to do focus on yourself and stay blessed.

[Alex Brecher 10,486]

@@crazygoose,

I am sorry it’s been so hectic for you. You’re best off in you’re in your best mental and physical state possible before surgery, so I hope you can somehow block the negativity.

It sounds like it’s not even reasonably about you and/or the surgery. If your mom’s flaked out on you before, she’s probably flaking out on you now not because of the surgery, but because that’s just what she does.

As for your grandpa, he’s right to be concerned, but there’s also a good chance, like you said, that neither you nor he knows the full story behind his friend’s death.

If you’re already dead set on surgery and they won’t support you as you want, you can only block them out and look for support where you can. Good luck!

[De fluff 59]

Good luck crazygoose sorry to hear what you're going through with your family! You will be fine!! My surgery is scheduled for April 21 and I'm excited!! Can't wait!! Keep in touch! Remember you got this!!

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[VSG AJH 499]

One of my dearest lifelong friends and her husband both died in their 30s after gastric bypass because their lives became very stressful after surgery (which was unrelated to their surgery). They both became raging alcoholics because they could no longer overeat in they way they previously would to cope with their stressors (not specifically related to surgery) so they turned to alcohol and quickly became very addicted (very indirectly related to surgery as they had absorption changes with GBS). Their surgeries affected their bodies in ways that accelerated their deaths, but their deaths were caused by choices they made that were completely unrelated to their surgeries. Anyway, all of that to say that the jump from the surgeries to their deaths is not a big one to make, but at the core, the two things are entirely unrelated, and it's probably the same with your granddad's friend. I'll admit watching them on the downhill slide made me nervous about going under the knife myself, but even moreso, it made me respect the process and while-person healing that happens after surgery. Though I drink socially, their experiences make me respect the power alcohol can have on a transformed body, and it makes me aware that healthier coping habits are VITAL on this side of the knife. I loved and I miss my friends, and I wish things would've been different for them, but I am SO thankful for the health and vitality I now have as a result of my own weight loss surgery.

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My condolences. Did your friends death help you to choose the VSG vs the Bypass?

Thank you, and yes. Even though I can rationalize the ultimate end to their lives was not directly caused by the bypass, I know there are enough links that for them, the bypass was related to their deaths. Their situations certainly contributed to my choice for VSG because I knew I wouldn't have the same absorption changes that they had, and that probably contributed to the alcoholism that led to their deaths. They both had some initial complications with their bypasses, and instead of getting the issues corrected, they chose to "cope" and self-medicate with alcohol, and their lives completely spiraled out of control. They didn't realize things would get so bad so fast, but Denise in particular couldn't keep food down (vomiting + dumping constantly), so a drink or two would hit her brain hard and fast. Wes began having seizures after his bypass, so he lost his job, went on disability, etc. His situation felt very hopeless, so he chose alcohol where Denise just kind of stumbled into it. Anyway, all of that to say that they bypass by itself did not kill them, but there is a long link back to it, and their situations contributed to my having the VSG done not once, but twice. (My initial surgeon left behind fundus in my original sleeve surgery, and when I sought help to have that complication corrected by a new surgeon, he suggested retorting my intestines and turning the pouch that had formed into a bypass. After thinking hard again about Denise and Wes and the slippery slope they ended up on, I said, "No thanks. Please just fix my sleeve," which he did one month ago.) The bypass is great and it works for so many people, but the devastation it caused for my friend was enough to make me say no to it. Since in the end, the weight loss results are pretty similar for VSG and bypass (bypass loss starts faster, but they seem to even out over time), the choice was easy for me.

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