But I'm the same person I always was. Really?

[gowalking 10,790]

Three years out and my posts have started to shift to living and observing life as a thin person and not focused on what to eat/not eat, what I weight..etc.

Yesterday I had an encounter that would have meant nothing to someone always thin, but reminds me constantly that I am not the same person I was. I don't mean that my moral compass has shifted, or that my personality is vastly different...or possibly it is.

I was at the market yesterday and bumped into another shopper. Happens all the time in NYC markets...they are very tight as is everything in NYC. I apologized and the woman laughed and said, 'hey, this in Manhattan...nothing we can do about it.'. I agreed with her and moved on and then realized this would not have happened when I was obese. I would have still apologized but my eyes would have been down and I'd have scurried away as soon as possible.....because it would have been my fault that we collided. How does an obese woman not get in other people's space when she takes up more than her share? Now times that by a thousand because of how we live here in the city.

The old Liz would have been so embarrassed but this new, normal sized Liz wasn't even thinking that way...I was only apologizing as anyone would have done. And then I allowed a bit of small talk after that encounter that would have never happened before either.

We really need to admit that when we lose so much weight, we do become different people. Both internally and externally. I was on a girls weekend recently with long time friends and likely due to the amount of alcohol flowing, we got silly and sentimental. I heard many times, how inspirational my story is. How I changed my life around. How I was always a great person before, but I simply glow these days. I found it embarrassing but I understood it was complementary and I just had to suck it up while they went on and on.

Don't tell me that doesn't change a person because it does.

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

I don't think you will ever hear me say I am the "same". This is part of why it's so disruptive too, I mean I spent some time finding my footing. Not only am I half my former size I changed inside too ... and for the better.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using the BariatricPal App

[jj7481 363]

I look at it this way: I didn't decide on bariatric surgery to stay the same person. The same person was the one who lost and regained several hundred pounds. The same person was the one who had problems with portions. The same person was the one who kept saying he should do something to lose weight but never took action. The person I am now....he took action to improve his life for him and his family.

[amazon 579]

I agree 100% !

At first I'd be taken aback by someone who hadn't seen me in forever would say "you're a whole new person!!". I'd argue with them, no I'm not, I'm just smaller!

But, I really am a different person - a better person. Kind of like "Lisa 2.0" I'm still me, I just hope a better version :-)

I think differently, and as a result, I know I must act differently. But as others have said, same moral compass, ethics, etc. None of that has changed.

[James Marusek 5,244]

On a side issue. I went into Krogers recently after they remodeled and I kept getting blocked in the aisle ways or bumping into people. In order to add more food and goods to the store, they shrunk the aisle ways, so they are not as wide as they were before. I guess if I was still obese, I would probably become claustrophobic and wonder if there was a conspiracy afoot.

Your outsides may change but inside is the real you.

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

There are many aspects to a person - character, ethics, morals, thought patterns, behavior, insecurities... just many layers.

I would argue that due to better thought patters, better overall health, fewer insecurities, less physical pain, it is has made more room for the good things. It is hard to be genuine in your everyday life when you don't like who you are at that moment. It is hard to be forgiving and giving if you don't completely believe in your own worth and worthiness. It is hard to feel joy for other people when your own pain is so encompassing

Very few people have the courage to actually tell you the truth. I have an aquantaince from a barn I used to keep my horse at. She told me a truth that I recognize. When I was obese, I was always polite and respectful, would chat and be friendly in a superficial way.... but there was always a wall. After I lost weight, she told me that I put out this energy that made people just want to be with me, to feel some of that. I thought about what she said, and she is right... a wall that I had constructed over a lifetime started coming down. Due to my basic outgoing and extroverted personality, I think in some ways it was a bit of an untruth to be so guarded whilst being superficially friendly and outgoing. I feel like I am much more the real me now.

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

I agreed with her and moved on and then realized this would not have happened when I was obese. I would have still apologized but my eyes would have been down and I'd have scurried away as soon as possible.....because it would have been my fault that we collided. How does an obese woman not get in other people's space when she takes up more than her share? Now times that by a thousand because of how we live here in the city.

The old Liz would have been so embarrassed but this new, normal sized Liz wasn't even thinking that way...I was only apologizing as anyone would have done. And then I allowed a bit of small talk after that encounter that would have never happened before either.

When I was obese I wouldn't have felt the same way you did. I feel like all humans are equal and I just as much right to space as other people. I didn't feel like I had to apologize for existing. Other people don't apologize for ruining my shopping experience by talking loudly or not controlling their children or standing in line the whole time not even getting their form of payment out.

I really hate all these sweeping statements that people make about all obese people like they speak for all obese people. Everyone doesn't have the same feelings and even in the same experiences people don't take the same lessons from them. The other sweeping statement about fat people that I see all the time on here is that people got fat, because they put themselves last or they take care of other people. I got fat totally indulging my every whim, because I felt entitled to it, not because I put other people first.

[gowalking 10,790]

I got fat totally indulging my every whim, because I felt entitled to it, not because I put other people first.

You said it sister! I never used any other 'excuses' for the reason I was fat. Totally self indulgent even to the point of immobility.

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

Gowalking, I agree. And I knew before surgery that I would be a different person. I had been briefly thin once before, and I was different. This time I wanted my self confidence and courage back. I knew I had to shed my large body to get to that place because I had done it before.

[BCs 1000 364]

I got in the lift with a very obese colleague the other day. Someone bumped into him and apologised. He replied 'no, it is my fault for being so fat and taking up so much room'. It broke my heart

[OKCPirate 5,323]

Liz,

I agree with your premise. My confidence has improved dramatically. I think the energy level increase affects others interactions at work. It starts to change how you communicate. And when you are less self conscious you can listen better to others. So while we are onion like with many layers, subtle changes are multiple layers makes you a different person.

[AnA92212 577]

I am still struggling with this. I am 9 months out from surgery and reached goal last month. Things still a bit new to me. In many ways, I am still very self conscious. I don't yet think of myself as a thin person. I still see that almost 300 pound person in the mirror. I was shopping the other day and I know in my mind that I am a size 6. I picked up my size to go try on and help up the pair of shorts. In my mind, I was thinking that there is no way these would fit me. Then I had to remember, oh, yes, they will! Also, I used to not like to eat in restaurants because I thought everyone would judge the fat girl eating. Well, now, it's almost the same because of how little I eat. Trying to see the "thin" woman.