Boss

[4shiggles 57]

I am at a loss right now. I was in my boss' office from my weekly review and she point blank asked me if all my appointments lately are for bariatric surgery. I only told family, a few close friends and an HR rep. I didn't feel comfortable telling anyone else. She said another person in the office is doing it and recognized my Protein Drinks. I can't lie(ever it's a curse) so I said yes but then to change the direction I said "but I'm also getting a hernia repaired too". And then I said I wasn't telling anyone and don't feel comfortable with others knowing my medical info.

I just really feel deflated. I don't know how else to put it. I only told those I trusted and could count on for support. Maybe I'm overreacting but i was really caught off guard.

[Pillar2butterfly 391]

From a legal standpoint, you don't need to tell your boss anything, and your boss should know better than to ask...and can get in trouble for even asking. However with that said, it can be difficult in handling the conversation. I would just tell your boss, you would appreciate their confidentiality in the matter.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

As you continue to grow up, you will learn this marvelous lesson life teaches us all:

You are not required to answer any question anyone asks you -- even if it's asked by an FBI agent, in which case you can always ask to speak first to your attorney.

Another thing life teaches us is that if you want to keep a secret, do not tell anyone.

[LaDivaDev 129]

Hey there....WOW. Talk about feeling ambushed. I don't think that people really get how personal this is for us. There seems to be a sense of entitlement to your personal information which is not okay. It is your right to never have to disclose what you aren't comfortable disclosing. I really admire your integrity in the moment and can only imagine the violated feeling you probably experienced. Truth is, this is YOUR business and nobody else's. Obese people deal with enough discrimination already without having to tell the worked when they're trying to improve their health. At this time, you need peace of mind without others crossing that boundary line! Once you go further through your journey, it's up to you who you share with. Just my two cents. I'm feeling you on this.

Always with Love and Compassion,

Dev

[JamieLogical 8,684]

If you have an HR department, you should report her immediately. She has no right to ask you that question and you have no obligation to answer it.

[Miss Mac 6,261]

Well, it sounds like it was not those whom you told that blabbed your business around, but some Nosey Nancy.

Yes, go to HR and ask them to clarify whether or not you have to tell your boss about your medical procedures. (You really don't have to tell anyone) Let them know.

If you like your boss then that will save her from future action from the U.S. Department of Labor.

If you don't like your boss, then it will be instant Karma from HR. If you ae in any kind of Union environment, you can file a grievance.

[4shiggles 57]

No my boss just put pieces together and asked me point blank. I was thinking how awkward that conversation might have been if I wasn't in a WLS program and got called out lol. Like its the new "are you pregnant Question"

[2goldengirl 2,076]

Make sure she knows in no uncertain terms that you expect her to keep this confidential. I'm wondering whether you don't work for a smaller company that doesn't have an HR dept. if you do have one, they're seriously remiss in teaching managers and supervisors questions they can and cannot ask. This question was absolutely unlawful. You weren't obligated to either lie or tell the truth, because the question was not allowed, period. And the person who "recognized your shakes" needs a piece of your mind. There are a bunch of people here who keep Premier Protein in the office fridge, and most of them aren't candidates for WLS.

WTH in your office decided to be the food Police, anyhow?

[Mzdiggs 169]

"Excuse you" would have been my response. She was really out of line from an employers stand point. Unfortunately I work in EEO law and all kinds of lights went off in my head.

[Dub 9,922]

Where I work......the HR folks would have informed my boss anyway.

I didn't sweat the notification, though. I'm was under no illusion that the amount of weight I was planning on losing cold be explained away by saying, "I'm on a strict diet".

I also couldn't care less what folks on my job think. I'm doing this for my health.

FWIW.....I have yet to have a single person come up to me and not be fully supportive of my choice. They can see the obvious pain relief and overall improved health.

I can't imagine a boss who wouldn't be enthused about an employee having this surgery. The employee will most assuredly become more productive and have improved attendance rates.

[Valentina 2,642]

I am at a loss right now. I was in my boss' office from my weekly review and she point blank asked me if all my appointments lately are for bariatric surgery. I only told family, a few close friends and an HR rep. I didn't feel comfortable telling anyone else. She said another person in the office is doing it and recognized my Protein drinks. I can't lie(ever it's a curse) so I said yes but then to change the direction I said "but I'm also getting a hernia repaired too". And then I said I wasn't telling anyone and don't feel comfortable with others knowing my medical info.

I just really feel deflated. I don't know how else to put it. I only told those I trusted and could count on for support. Maybe I'm overreacting but i was really caught off guard.

I believe, depending on what your job is, your boss may have had to know. No. I'm not suggesting that the subject was tactfully handled, but I don't know if your boss asking was necessarily negative or gossip mongering.

I would, however tactfully inform her that I expect confidentiality--complete and totally as it is my choice who I tell..

[JamieLogical 8,684]

I am at a loss right now. I was in my boss' office from my weekly review and she point blank asked me if all my appointments lately are for bariatric surgery. I only told family, a few close friends and an HR rep. I didn't feel comfortable telling anyone else. She said another person in the office is doing it and recognized my Protein drinks. I can't lie(ever it's a curse) so I said yes but then to change the direction I said "but I'm also getting a hernia repaired too". And then I said I wasn't telling anyone and don't feel comfortable with others knowing my medical info.

I just really feel deflated. I don't know how else to put it. I only told those I trusted and could count on for support. Maybe I'm overreacting but i was really caught off guard.

I believe, depending on what your job is, your boss may have had to know. No. I'm not suggesting that the subject was tactfully handled, but I don't know if your boss asking was necessarily negative or gossip mongering.

I would, however tactfully inform her that I expect confidentiality--complete and totally as it is my choice who I tell..

Definitely not. The boss would only need to know about time off covered under FMLA and any physical restrictions upon returning to work. Only the individual handling the FMLA paperwork has to know what the actual medical condition is.

[Valentina 2,642]

I am at a loss right now. I was in my boss' office from my weekly review and she point blank asked me if all my appointments lately are for bariatric surgery. I only told family, a few close friends and an HR rep. I didn't feel comfortable telling anyone else. She said another person in the office is doing it and recognized my Protein drinks. I can't lie(ever it's a curse) so I said yes but then to change the direction I said "but I'm also getting a hernia repaired too". And then I said I wasn't telling anyone and don't feel comfortable with others knowing my medical info.

I just really feel deflated. I don't know how else to put it. I only told those I trusted and could count on for support. Maybe I'm overreacting but i was really caught off guard.

I believe, depending on what your job is, your boss may have had to know. No. I'm not suggesting that the subject was tactfully handled, but I don't know if your boss asking was necessarily negative or gossip mongering.

I would, however tactfully inform her that I expect confidentiality--complete and totally as it is my choice who I tell..

Definitely not. The boss would only need to know about time off covered under FMLA and any physical restrictions upon returning to work. Only the individual handling the FMLA paperwork has to know what the actual medical condition is.

Definitely not. It all depends on your job, it's requirements and the contract you signed upon your employment. It doesn't have to be a negative thing. Everyone is always so quick to push

"ruffled feathers" button. It doesn't have to be that way. I'm just saying, not every question a boss asks an employee has to have a negative connotation. Just ensure yourself of your boss' confidentiality and get back to your new life.

[lisacaron 5,075]

@@4shiggles it sounds to me like there was a bit of gossip going around the office. Someone saw some shakes and maybe felt comfortable enough to share that maybe you are on a similar journey.

Your boss asking you, could have been just casual curiosity. Perhaps he/she is proud of you for making a choice to take care of your health and well being. Perhaps it's just more gossipy chatter, what ever the reason the fact that you felt ambushed is what's concerning.

Of course you never have to lie to anyone, but you also have the right to be comfortable in your work place. So you could simply say, I'm not comfortable expanding on this and/or you could say I'm not at liberty to discuss personal issues with you.

Something casual but professional to let the boss know that this is not a line of conversation you wish to partake in.

Co-workers and bosses sometimes can and do blur the line of personal and private space. We spend so much time with each other on a daily basis that sometimes they take it for granted that they can ask such personal questions. If you are not comfortable with that, you can simply re-establish your boundaries and let them know how you are feeling without having to cave into their demands for information about you.

It may not be an HR issue, just simply a back up 2 steps and take your nose out of my business on this matter type of issue.

Good luck with everything!!

[Mary2016 55]

I am usually pretty upfront. But my work environment is a mess until May, when they are supposed to make changes and lessen my work load....yadda, yadda, yadda......I am afraid if I tell them why I am going they will ask me to postpone. My surgery will probably be in May. I work for a large company and all of my paperwork will be processed through the HR Leave Team. My boss will not be told the reason. But it's darn awkward. She would never point blank ask, but the "I hope you're okay", etc will be so darn uncomfortable. You feel the need to explain.

Edited March 3, 2016 by Mary2016