Leaving here is hard to do...... So I won't

[BayougirlMrsS 3,939]

Where to start..... the beginning i guess...

So it was the summer of 2009 and i stumbled upon this site... but back then it was Lapbandtalk.... but not only LB people came here... People looking for answers, support, comfort, a place that they could feel connected if you will with people like them selves. I meet some of the nicest, amazing encouraging people here. Some of which i am still in touch with via Phone, FB, chat... Some i have even had the pleasure of meeting in person and have life long friendships with. Some i have never met in person, but feel like i've know them my whole life. Kindred spirits if you may. But, Alex saw the need to have one site that everyone could come to no matter what WLS journey you were on. Some loved it.... Others, well not so much and left, never to be heard from again. I, myself left for a while. But felt a need to reconnect and get some encouragement to get back on the wagon as you would say.... I had let my success make me complacent.... and in turn i gained back 20lbs. This time i recognized what was happening before i let it get the best of me... and got the best of it. So now im back at the 140is range and happy happy happy.

As a lot of you know, my journey has not been the "ideal" one. No, i didn't have problems with my band (one 1cc unfill in over 6 years) whoop whoop... My problems came from some place worst... much worst.... In the form of the person that should have been my rock, my back bone, my at-a-boy giver... the person that should have been there encouraging me and praising me to keep striving to do and be better. Instead, i got you will never succeed at this, why do you need surgery, can't you do it the "natural" way.... Then you're too thin, you look sickly, your face is sunk in.... LB is just a hobby... you have a surgical body.... but the best one.... Your losing weight was the worst thing that ever happen to us..... And yes im talking about my Husband... The person i have spent a quarter century of my life with. the person that i once thought i would grown old with... The person i thought would be the one to say...Wow, you look nice, pretty, sexy... Now we are room mates in the same home if you will... two people that see each other everyday... but never really SEE each other. And yes im just a guilty. When i started this i had a few friends ask.... Do you have a strong marriage? I thought what a strange question... Of course i did... or so i thought. So i find myself at a cross-road if you may between staying in a marriage of convince where there is no romance, no intimacy, no connection. OR.... taking the leap and getting out and jumping into a world i no longer know.... Another world were there are no guarantees that i will be happy. What if i end up alone? (no i will never be a divorced cat lady)... What if i can't make it on my own? I never really had too. I mean, i got married the first time at 16, divorced at 18 and remarried at 23...... What if ... What if... good Lord the What ifs..... Anyway, in my journey of self discovery, I have made incredible successes as far as weightloss, feeling and looking better than I have in year.... But, i have made some terrible mistakes, trusted people i thought were my friends... Seeked out approval from people i should not have and in ways i should not have. But, i made my bed so to speak...

So in my haste of anger, disappointment, and a lot of hurt... My first instinct was to leave this place, leave the place that lead me on a few paths.... One of great success and the other great self disappointment. So i deleted... deleted... deleted... i thought that's it... Im not going back. but then i realized... it's not this site.... It was me. I made those choices.. No one did that but me.... I have a lot of self reflection still to do.... I hope one day to have an Epiphany if you may and wake the hell up and Piss or get off the pot..... It's just so damn hard to pull that trigger, cuz once the bullet leave the chamber, something or someone will be damaged and life will never be the same.

So, thanks to all my friends that have supported me through the years and i know will continue to support me. And to those i have offended and hurt along the way... I ask for your forgiveness. I am but mere mortal.... I know that in the years i have given lots of good advice, some say even great advice... I have been open and as honest as i can... some took me and my advice as negative... but in the years i have gotten way more thank yous... the F yous... So i consider that pretty good coming from a southern fowled mouth, shoot from the hip, tell it like it is girl.... So for this, I will stay and bug the hell out of all of you.... lol...... its not that you all didn't mean the world to me, but I deleted all my friends in my haste... and if you still want to come along to see where this journey leads... friend me again...

Thanks for everything...... Chris AKA BayouGirl....

[Dub 10,067]

Damn right !

Well said.

Welcome back.

Carpe diem !!!!!!!

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

I'm sorry about your marriage. I'm going through divorce myself. It's hard as hell and I need this place. Welcome back.

[Valentina 2,642]

Being "out here" alone is not easy, but worthwhile. My S.O. committed suicide the morning of my surgery. It's taken me years to recover from it.

I, too was a member on this site (2011) , left and just came back this Jan. The people here have welcomed me back--some even remembered me (one I count as my favorite friend), and those who don't have shown me the support and encouragement that I so badly wanted and needed.

I welcome you as I have been welcomed--with arms wide open.

[gowalking 10,790]

I've been on this site since just before my surgery a little over three years ago. The people here have helped me to lose the weight and are helping me to maintain as well. I've seen some great posters leave here over the years and it makes me sad but I also love the new people who come here and share their stories. I hope to be here for years to come.

[Marie2016 87]

Think about what you deserve... don't settle...

[Djmohr 6,965]

Welcome back!

I am sorry about what is going on with your marriage. Change is never easy.

I have only been on this site for just over a year now but I am very active on it and absolutely love meeting others who are going through and been through the process.

This is like my second home!

Nice to cyber meet you and look forward to seeing your posts!

[2muchfun 8,928]

OK, confession time. When I first came to Lapbandtalk I saw some of your posts and I admit, I checked out your gallery. I remember thinking, "she's a hottie"!! Hope you stay. Don't recall you ever getting rude with anyone. Do recall you making some comments about your hubbie being less than supportive in the last couple of years.

I agree, I don't like this site as much as the old site. And there are so few banders posting these days. We need you, and many new banders still need to see you because you're an inspiration of what we can all be.

Sorry about your hubbie.

tmf

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

Well this site used to be vertical sleeve talk in an alternate reality.

The mixing everything together has advantages - I've gotten to know some great new people - but is much hardee to navigate.

Glad you are back and sorry to hear about your marriage problems. I recognize the hypocrisy but I will say it anyway,I hope you find it within you to try counseling or some way of saving things. It saddens me that my long term relationship didn't survive this either. In my case, it was dead way before I lost weight, but I had attributed the lack of affection, intimacy, communication or any meaningful time together to my obesity. It grossed me out, so I genuinely thought it did him too. Well, I got slim, much better looking and it didn't change and I just couldn't take it anymore. We are better friends than life partners but even years later it saddens me that it wasn't salvageable and I always hope for better for others.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

I shouldn't post this, but I'm going to do so anyway.

In my personal experience (and my long years of observation), a person who feels trapped in a marriage that isn't working (and doesn't look like it's ever going to work) is in that trap because they don't see any other good options. As you already know, that's a tough place to live.

Staying in a marriage -- whether it's good, bad, just OK or meh -- is a continuing choice. If you're still there, you're choosing to be there.

It sounds to me like you need a plan -- a plan to build at least one other option (or more) that can work for you. BTW, plans involve Step 1, Step 2, Step 15, Step 105. And they are implemented over time. I've never seen a plan that says "Step 1" -- boom, done!

But for now, it sounds like you're stuck in limbo with no plans.

This last bit is coming to you from someone who's 70 years old. Yes, acting recklessly -- to seek temporary relief from a bad situation -- can do damage. But being paralyzed and unable to change at all and just endure, endure, endure does more damage. The bottom line is you have just one life. You are living it now. You don't get another one.

Very, very best wishes to you!

P.S. You probably know all this already.

[kristenashley 5]

So sorry you had to deal with that!!! Glad you are back!!! Cheers to a new life! And a new you! And hopefully finding someone who appreciates you snd all your hard work!!!!!!!

[needtorecover 574]

I remember when this site was lapbandtalk! I was a lurker/occasional poster back then. I had a different screen name. I was agonizing over the decision to get a lap band, then my GP talked me out of it so I just left and pushed it out of my mind. Annoyed that I followed her bad advice but at least I got it done and am well on my way to permanent weight loss.

I am so sorry your husband isn't supportive. I hope you find peace, whether through working on fixing things with him or just leaving for a fresh start.