Has anyone ever had someone bring you down by saying "I think you looked better before"? How did you handle it?

This is a concern of mine. I know how I FEEL is the most important but I know people (my mother) who WILL say this to me just to bring me down. Every chance she gets, she takes.

One of my sisters and her daughter staged an intervention. They are both overweight (my niece is very obese) and weren't used to seeing me thin. I knew it was intended with love, so I shared my height weight and the healthy weight ranges and they were both like "oh, you look at least 20# lighter than that, never mind"

I think as the person changing we have to be braced a little for reactions from coworkers, family and friends. Now that I have been at goal for awhile, nobody remembers what I used to look like,so it is a temporary problem.

@@glitterpockets I am sorry that it will come to that. Although it seems you are used to her bringing you down, that still does not make it right. I have never had this happen before so I cannot speak from experience, but I have an idea of how I would handle it. First I would probably reply with something like this: "Oh yeah, well your face looked better before!" I'm joking. But seriously maybe you can reply in a way that will bring her down, but not by cutting her down. Perhaps you can say something like: " hmm, thats weird, because I feel so much better." I know it takes a lot to try to handle that situation gracefully. Best of luck, sorry it has to be that way.

@glitterpockets....mean people really suck. I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I'd like to tell you that inner beauty is immeasurable by society's standards and self inflection by far the most important and only valid viewpoint. I can tell you to be confident and not care what anyone says to you or about you. But the reality is, that it is harder to do in real life. I could say that they should be happy for you and see the light in your eyes of the new healthier you coming out. Yes, I could say those things....

But reality is, mean people suck...they suck so bad I'd like to take a big "Suck it back at you" slap right to their inflated heads. You will never be able to please everyone. But here's the thing...you don't have to....the problem is theirs, not yours. This IS ABOUT YOU, and YOU are worth it. Even if they sometimes fail to see the worth in you. It is there. It sucks not to have your family as support and in your corner....I wish that pain were not there. But...we are here for you. I truly hope it gets better for you. Chin up....

I had a family member tell me I looked skinny ( at 170 lbs?) and asked if I was finished losing weight. His comment wasn't intended as derogatory, and I didn't take it that way. My response was that according to the BMI charts I am still obese, so I'd like to lose enough to be in the "normal" weight category.

As far as your mother's attitude you could point out that while she may have liked your looks better when you weighed more, the medical community is pretty clear about how unhealthy obesity is for us.

That's just awful coming from your own mother. I'd pull out the snark: "Thanks Mom, how nice you seem more concerned with my looks than my health".

Has anyone ever had someone bring you down by saying "I think you looked better before"? How did you handle it?

This is a concern of mine. I know how I FEEL is the most important but I know people (my mother) who WILL say this to me just to bring me down. Every chance she gets, she takes.

"I liked you better before. Funny that."

My mother has always been smaller than me but she's not skinny or built. I think a lot of it is gonna be from jealousy due to the fact I'll be smaller than her when it's all said and done. I take dieting and losing weight seriously because it's a horrible struggle for me everyday just to look in a mirror. Her on the other hand says she's dieting and I'll visit her and see a snickers wrapper in front of her or fast food papers in her garbage. She takes me and everything I say as a joke.

I'm assuming most of you know what Facebook is. On holidays we all take pictures of the family etc. She'll post the MOST horrible ones of me and keep the good ones I like off of everything. Like she's purposely trying to make me feel fat and horrible. Its so bad I've been diagnosed with ptsd due to "wonderful" childhood.

Sorry for the vent guys, I just feel like here is the only place I can go where people understand.

I think this quote applies.

We delight in the beauty of the butterfly but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty. Maya Angelou

This is your metamorphosis, don't let anybody disrupt your journey!

I had to work really hard to get to a good place in my life, and create my own happiness. I removed all negative people from my life. You might not want to extract your mom from your life, but it really helps to have a positive supportive environment to heal and be healthy in.

People don't like change, especially when they think you are getting too good, leaving them behind.

Has anyone ever had someone bring you down by saying "I think you looked better before"? How did you handle it?

This is a concern of mine. I know how I FEEL is the most important but I know people (my mother) who WILL say this to me just to bring me down. Every chance she gets, she takes.

"I liked you better before. Funny that."

Exactly what I was going to suggest. EXACTLY.

(I'm a little afraid now, just a little, that @@LipstickLady is in my head)

Has anyone ever had someone bring you down by saying "I think you looked better before"? How did you handle it?

This is a concern of mine. I know how I FEEL is the most important but I know people (my mother) who WILL say this to me just to bring me down. Every chance she gets, she takes.

Tell her privately, that you love her and you know she loves you, but Mom, sometimes the things you say like (whatever she just said to bring you down) hurt me.

Now if she has a shred of decency she will stop. If she continues to hurt you, then distance yourself a little from her, she'll get the message.

I always liked this quote by Jack Nicholson. It isn't related to this, but it is funny.

“my mother never saw the irony of calling me a "son of a bitch”

― Jack Nicholson

Edited November 6, 201510 yr by 4MRB4PHOTO

@@glitterpockets ...

Have you ever thought about divorcing from your mother?

What of actual value would you lose if you never saw her?

Or barring that, what if you just told her to shut the f**k up? And kept telling her that when she continued to abuse you in the ways she has become expert in abusing you?

It sounds to me (?) like she suffers no negative repercussions when she abuses you, that there's no cost to her at all. What if her abuse of you actually cost her something? What would be so costly to her / negative to her that she would stop abusing you?

I have a mother like that

Sorry to hear that your mom is saying that to you. If you feel great and proud of everything you have done brush it off. Don't let it get to you. One of my cousins seen me this year and she just said " they ain't giving you any food"? Or you are not eating at all? I just smiled and of course I was not going to be rude. But it's something that you should not let it get to you. No matter what people are going to talk if you skinny or fat.