So why does this annoy me so much?

[4MRB4PHOTO 3,899]

I work with a woman who had Sleeve surgery eighteen months ago. I would have never known she has had WLS as she is a large woman who eats whatever she wants, whenever she wants and takes no caution to her diet.

During a luncheon last week she commented on my plate of food. A small piece of chicken, a few cubes of cheese, and some olives. A tiny toddler sized portion of food, especially compared to the loaded plates of those around me.

She said and I quote "I'm glad your surgery is working for you, mine failed me and I am thinking about suing the surgeon."

As she stuffed food into her mouth.

I was so annoyed, I excused myself and went to my desk to finish eating my plate.

It annoys me because this type of "behavior" spreads the misinformation already ignorantly discussed in our culture about WLS.

Instead of her failing herself, her tool and her decision; her surgery is marked as the failure.

Many people in society unfortunately do not take responsibility for their own actions. Unfortunately this is happening more and more.

I think I am going to sue my Father for my weight struggles, because he bought me an ice cream cone when I was 5 years old.

[lauraellen80 854]

Okay, what does this mean: TL:DR

I am so out of it!

It's short for "too long; didn't read."

[Ashlegal 525]

@@4MRB4PHOTO

I know a good lawyer.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

And here's some more whining from me.

Some of the themes on this thread underscore why I said the other day on another thread that I don't give a f**K about the butthurt newbies.

I'm here primarily to learn about how to deal with my changing WLS challenges (through loss, maintenance, and God knows what's next) and to be in community with other WLS patients who understand what this journey is really about.

That doesn't mean I don't care about newbies -- far from it. And I do offer advice and support. But it's easy to tell the diff between those who are having a rough day and need a leg up and those who will never, ever have a good day.

Those guys are so boooooooooring and a complete waste of my keystrokes.

It would also be a waste of time for @@gowalking to try and rescue her friend's MIL or for @@Ashlegal to try to convince her co-worker that she had wasted her perfectly good sleeve due to her own ignorance and irresponsibility.

We really, really, really cannot fix stupid.

[BLERDgirl 6,417]

..........

What amazes me is that we don't get more education on how our bodies work. We get one body to do us our whole lives (though the option exists to exchange a few parts if they wear out). We have instructions and warning labels on everything, but we aren't taught how to take care of the most valuable machine we own. I think basic anatomy and physiology out to be required - folks would be less susceptible to internet legends if they were.

I worked in social services for may years. Many people do not know how to talk to doctors and medical personnel. Instead of asking questions and actually having a conversation, they just nod and either ask a friend/neighbor/non-medical person or ignore the advice altogether.

[gowalking 10,790]

Thanks for all your comments friends. I was just feeling frustrated. I'm struggling to stay on track. I even have an appointment for a fill for next week. I work s hard at doing what I should...and to hear of someone just ignoring an opportunity...well...like I said...I'm on a rant.

[sharkgirl 251]

I saw this same mentality during the pre-op classes. I would see people sitting in their cars eating fast food breakfasts and drinking a huge soda before going into a nutritional class for WLS. Of course they were also parking in the cancer patient parking because they were closer then the other spots.

[AvaFern 3,516]

I can understand your frustration. A lot of things annoy me in life, lol, but other people's food habits regardless of their diet or surgeries isn't really one of them. I was a self-pay patient so I learned nothing about how I was supposed to eat. I had surgery two weeks after I went to the education session. I have learned over time how to eat to maintain my weight and the things that make me gain, but I was never a Protein first, veggies next, starch last girl. The entire time I have had my sleeve I have eaten what I want to in smaller portions. I don't eat junk food because it makes me sick, so that eliminates a lot of sweets and fats, but I have no problem going to Panera and having a cup of chili for lunch and taking home half a sandwich later.

I try not to judge others for what they eat because I know there are plenty of times where someone could easily judge me. If someone wants to have chocolate for Breakfast, good for them....the only person they need to be accountable to is themself. In the morning when I weigh myself on my 3 scales...the only person there is me, not someone who had an opinion about what I had for dinner the night before. We all pay for our choices, one way or the other.

[2goldengirl 2,076]

I think the other things that can be alarming about this kind of behavior in others is that we all know people who are all too ready to believe that WLS is "the easy way out" or "you'll just gain it all back, my sister's brother -in-law's cousin did". We want respect for our choice to have surgery and respect for our efforts to be successful pre and post operatively. We work damned hard at it, and seeing people treat their surgery in what appears to be cavalier fashion undermines that respect, or seems to, at any rate.

[lisacaron 5,075]

OK to add my 2 cents to the pot stirring here....

Is that person wasting her opportunity? Maybe...but who are we to judge? Even though we are deemed "ready" for a surgery how many of us are really ready for it?

Were you ready for the surgery and all that entailed or might have if you had a complication? What about the post-op diet? Could you really say you were ready for that?! Were you ready to change your mindset and the way you viewed food all these years that lead to your obesity?

If you were well good for you!!! Many of us weren't and still aren't. There are many on these boards and in the Dr.'s office still trying to work out their mental and emotional issues with food. It's really simple to tell an addict to stay away from people who are drinking and taking drugs...but do you have any idea how hard that really is? You can't watch TV today without seeing something about the next drug, beer flavor, vodka, hard cider, pumpkin flavored everything, KFC, McDonalds, Arby's Sonic...shall I go on....?

Many patients don't have the support from psychologists and many fear seeking one out. The psych eval before surgery seems to be a simple evaluation to see if you have some obvious gross mental abnormality. They aren't checking to see if you are a food addict. They are checking to see if your a substance abuse addict or if you tend toward eating disorders....but they forget that obesity IS an eating disorder and yes the patients need treatment for such or would any of us be obese to begin with??

Not all of us can have our "tool" given to us and then know how we are supposed to use it because what works for Mary does not work for LIsa, What works for Ken does not work for Lisa. What works for Liz does not work for Ken and does not work for Lisa.

Lisa and only Lisa can figure out what will work for her....because her issues are not yours and vs versa. It's hard to be mad or upset a person when you think about it......

Following the "rules" are kind of like common core math...not everyone can figure it out and understand it. Most teachers have a hard time teaching it and most students and parents simply choose to opt out. That's what this lady did...

The point of contention here is that instead of blaming others we need to look at ourselves and put the questions we can't figure out and understand back to the medical industry and have them really look at us as the patients and tailor these tools to help serve us best.

I might wear a size 14 regular but for it to fit right I still need a hem. I don't fit into the "off the rack" sizes the way they are meant to fit because I wasn't made in a factory. I am one of kind as are you. One size does not fit all...it may fit most but it never fits all....and some of us need a little extra tailoring.

[dlappjr 467]

You are right.

It's frustrating. Especially frustrating when you care for someone's health more than they apparently do.

I think there is a great misconception that has been permeated into urban legend that weight loss surgery does the work for you.

We all know that it does not and that it takes effort and discipline to be successful post op.

Seeing a lack of effort or discipline from folks post-op is sad because you know they are simply prolonging their struggle and if they don't snap out of it they may even be worse off now.

This reminded me of a post from a Facebook group I belong to. A gentleman there has been a big advocate for WLS and speaks to groups about how life changing it is. This is an excerpt from one of his speeches, about how to tell, or what to say to people when you tell them you had surgery. The part about it being a tool gets summed up very well here. Hi name is Bill Streetman. If you want to see some of his video on youtube, search for him there. He recently rode his bike from Ohio to NC to speak at an Obesity seminar there. https://www.whs-newlife.com/author/billwhs-newlife-com/

WLS is not the reason I, or anybody, lose weight or keep it off. Bringing in less calories than I burn up is why I lost weight. And I did that by eating less calories (but eating the correct calories to fuel my body) and exercising to increase what I burn up. In my life I have had difficulty managing my eating. So to help me I underwent gastric bypass. This helps me eat less. It does not however make me make good food choices. And it's never got me out of bed to go work out. That is why we say it's a tool, not the solution. It's no different than a short person using a ladder to paint their ceiling... a tool to assist them with the limitations that they were born with. The ladder doesn't do the painting, doesn't select the color, doesn't roll straight lines, doesn't clean up afterwards. It's a tool just like WLS.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I have empathy for those that "don't get it". I was one of them and it was pretty effing hurtful to be told repeatedly that I would be content on petite portions and when I didn't do that great, after much (tho misguided ) effort to be told I failed due to "patient non compliance".

Since I really get it NOW I do understand the frustration but there is another side to the story.

[gowalking 10,790]

OK to add my 2 cents to the pot stirring here....

Is that person wasting her opportunity? Maybe...but who are we to judge? Even though we are deemed "ready" for a surgery how many of us are really ready for it?

Were you ready for the surgery and all that entailed or might have if you had a complication? What about the post-op diet? Could you really say you were ready for that?! Were you ready to change your mindset and the way you viewed food all these years that lead to your obesity?

If you were well good for you!!! Many of us weren't and still aren't. There are many on these boards and in the Dr.'s office still trying to work out their mental and emotional issues with food. It's really simple to tell an addict to stay away from people who are drinking and taking drugs...but do you have any idea how hard that really is? You can't watch TV today without seeing something about the next drug, beer flavor, vodka, hard cider, pumpkin flavored everything, KFC, McDonalds, Arby's Sonic...shall I go on....?

Many patients don't have the support from psychologists and many fear seeking one out. The psych eval before surgery seems to be a simple evaluation to see if you have some obvious gross mental abnormality. They aren't checking to see if you are a food addict. They are checking to see if your a substance abuse addict or if you tend toward eating disorders....but they forget that obesity IS an eating disorder and yes the patients need treatment for such or would any of us be obese to begin with??

Not all of us can have our "tool" given to us and then know how we are supposed to use it because what works for Mary does not work for LIsa, What works for Ken does not work for Lisa. What works for Liz does not work for Ken and does not work for Lisa.

Lisa and only Lisa can figure out what will work for her....because her issues are not yours and vs versa. It's hard to be mad or upset a person when you think about it......

Following the "rules" are kind of like common core math...not everyone can figure it out and understand it. Most teachers have a hard time teaching it and most students and parents simply choose to opt out. That's what this lady did...

The point of contention here is that instead of blaming others we need to look at ourselves and put the questions we can't figure out and understand back to the medical industry and have them really look at us as the patients and tailor these tools to help serve us best.

I might wear a size 14 regular but for it to fit right I still need a hem. I don't fit into the "off the rack" sizes the way they are meant to fit because I wasn't made in a factory. I am one of kind as are you. One size does not fit all...it may fit most but it never fits all....and some of us need a little extra tailoring.

I knew there was a good reason we got along so well. My friends are smart people.

[B-52 7,113]

"I think there is a great misconception that has been permeated into urban legend that weight loss surgery does the work for you"

WLS, specifically the Lap Band as opposed to the other surgeries (which I have no experience with) HAS done the work for me in that it has controlled my portion sizes, curtailed my hunger and cravings, etc, etc....

For me, and not necessarily anyone else, it is not a legend but a everyday reality...again, I know nothing about gastric sleeve, bypass etc...I am in the minority on this website with the Lap Band.

BUT it is up to me to make the best food choices I can....I have given up meat and dairy products, most everything made from flour such as breads and Pasta...

And in some respects, my WLS helped me give up these foods because they are not very band friendly, high risk of getting stuck...or worse.

When I read about people eating everything and anything after having the Lap Band, it tells me they are not following up with their Dr. and getting their band adjusted...because if they did it would be difficult to exhibit such behavior without exhibiting some ill effects.

But the Band is adjustable, and the individual can determine and dictate how the Band works for them.

Big reason why Dr.'s are moving away from it more and more...patient has too much control and can hang on to the old habits if they so choose.

And it's those old habits that got me in this predicament....

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,443]

1) We've all encountered people at hospital support groups, here and other websites who, whether before or after, reveal in whatever words that they expect or expected the procedure to lose weight for them. In the beginning of my band career I assumed it was the fault of their respective surgery practices; I expected that at the initial info session, the presenters left out the 10 or 15 crucial words. It may be that some practice are lax, but I've since discovered that the people in question believe that their surgery is what will lose the weight because they've chosen to believe it regardless of what they heard at the practices' session and first appts. I used to want to scream and I'm sure I was excitable a few times. Since doing the clothing exchanges, I realized that I deeply cared about our whole community, More recently I discovered that I care equally for others who get to work without aid of surgery. Anyone who diligent about their choice has my vote. I don't proselytize for surgery. If someone wants to lose weight, I don't care how they do it as long as they don't do potentially harmful diets and the like. What's changed since my excitable-voice days, though, is that if someone chooses to squander the opportunity and, I hope, advantage surgery gives them, they're o their own. At best I shrug and walk away. At worst I'll say something like, "If you don't want to do it, you have the right to so choose." For a short time I wondered if I'd turned cold or any of the words that often has negative connotation. I determined not. I'll be as supportive and helpful as I can if someone is serious about any endeavor or needs help with some family or emotional or whatever issue. Otherwise don't waste my time. I don't believe in the practice of human sacrifice, especially if someone is planning to make me the sacrifice.

2) The psych eval. Before I had it, I expected that it was major project. I was seeing a therapist at the time and had her do it instead of paying however much to someone on my practice's list. She assured me that an insurer wants very little info from the session, naming the points she covered in her letter, below.. We spoke about it for a few minutes; she already knew from my discussing the prospect of surgery in earlier, regular sessions, that I understood. I don't know how much weight the insurer gives to the psych eval, but if it's a significant factor, my therapist was correct. I don't know if she'd written letters for WLS prior or only for other purposes that aren't dissimilar.

Sir or Madam:

Please be advised that _______ is a patient of mine. I have been seeing her for a year and a half for weekly psychotherapy sessions of 50 minutes per session. I have recommended that she proceed with lapband surgery on account of the medical benefits that may be derived from this procedure.

Ms. ____ has realistic expectations about the results of the surgery and understands the risks involved. She also realizes that she must continue to work on weight loss issues after the surgery has been completed. She is completely capable of following the medical instructions that will follow the surgery.

If you have any questions etc etc

Sincerely,

You'd think that, if the co's.want only that much, everyone would pass the psych.