feel like crying

~c~ · November 10, 2004

I called for a fill since i KNOW i need one.I am one fo thoses who is in total denial about it and feel like it's just that i am not trying enough.

Sooo, i schedual a fill and call my Mother for a ride to Montreal.it's about 2 hours each way.They offered to bring me for the appts right from the beggining.We have been there 3 times.I am still at 1.8 in a 9.75 band.I can eat a whole burger with the bun,a whole chicken breast with the sides of salad and whatever.I KNOW i need one...

She says, oh the 24th sure,when is this thing gonna work anyway!I was shocked into silence and felt like a total failure in about one half of a second.I ate one small diner plate the other day when i was there while everyone in my family ate 2, plus i had a BITE of the dessert, while everyone had a whole piece of the berry cheesecake!!

I had the surgery in 2002 but only got my first fill December last year so i count that as my official starting point.I went from 206 in Demember 2003 to 186.I don't care if it's 20lbs in one year IT'S 20 POUNDS GONE FROM MY BODY!!!

Yes i could be consistent, i know that,yes i could probably be more vigilent about the choices but heck i am human and it's been very difficult for me to wrap my head around the changes i need to do.

Meanwhile my mother is at her heaviest weight ever. she is close to 200 and she is 5'3.In the same breath she tells me she had the worst case of angina to date.She needed 3 shots of nitro and 1 crushed aspirin,then she tells me she made a load of cinnamon Buns and she will be eating one for breakfast!!!

I don't get it or her and now i am upset and feel like a failure BUT i won't eat any crap or take it.I will suck this up and forget just as always.

Oh! for the record after she said that, i said"It is working, it's not the Bypass i had.I won't lose it all overnight"

I think they expect me to melt right in front of them!~

Crap!!! now i am pissed!!!!!!!!!!!

How can i get my day back!!!???

paula · November 10, 2004

How can i get my day back!!!???

Go shopping!

Even if you dont buy anything.

Its such an uplift in my spirit to go to the store and just try on clothes that the sizes were once tight - and NOW fit loose. This helps me!

PamRN · November 10, 2004

You're a smaller BMI so you're gonna lose slower, and from the look of your stats, you've done pretty darn well! I'll be thrilled to see 186!! It's been a decade since I've last seen 186! You've been on a downward trend, you're not 232 pounds anymore, and with the band, you never will be again. From 232 to 186 is a loss of 46 pounds...who cares when it actually started, you are DOWN 46 pounds. That is a pretty impressive loss. You ARE doing great, You ARE going to do even better, and YOU deserve to celebrate! As you head out to face the day turn on some good music and sing along nice and loud, You are doing awesome!

blossom · November 10, 2004

I think you're doing great! Like Pam said, you are DOWN 46 pounds!!! Sounds to me like you just need to find your "sweet spot" with the fills, that's what we are all looking for. Have you explained that to your mom? It takes time to find it. Besides a slow weightloss is a healthier weightloss.

I'm sorry you're feeling bad. A mother's criticism always cuts the deepest (and I have had many deep cuts)! Just keep your focus on a new healthier you. You never know, your mom may just decide to get healthy too!