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Giving up

NULL

By NULL, in Singles Forum

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Jangy03253    56

Jangy03253
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I am a little confused You lost weight for a partner?? Not for your health??

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Karen B45    38

Karen B45
Posted

I know the feeling. I had surgery to feel better about myself in addition to improving my health. I also would love to find a partner, but just cannot find anyone to date. It's definitely harder to date over forty than it is when you are younger.

I have been celibate for three years...don't want to say that I am asexual or giving up, but I definitely have times when I take a break and don't try for a while. You might just want to do that, take a break for a while and then go back to it. A few months away does a lot for your perspective on it. :)

Best of luck whatever you decide!

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thisfathasgot2go    235

thisfathasgot2go
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This kind of talk is scary to me. We have had two recent incidents where men decided to shoot people because they were alone and had nobody, no relationship.

Why is it so bad to just be alone and happy with being alone?

Is this just a male - femaie thing?

I am ok with being celibate for life if I have too. I just find no need or want.

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FrankyG    1,450

FrankyG
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You sound depressed and lonely. I would suggest counseling, and also working on developing actual friendships. Get out there and find some group activities that are fun for you, and allow you to find people that are interested in the same things you are, and just work on developing your social skills.

You should not be looking for a relationship right now. You need to figure out who you are and become happy with that person before you will be open for a healthy relationship.

With you being depressed, insecure and lonely, all you'd attract right now would be broken people anyway... as you sound broken yourself. So fix what is wrong with you, and relationships should follow.

Good luck!

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Jangy03253    56

Jangy03253
Posted

Lord justice I am still very confused. Are you looking for a relationship, friendship or just sex? I am only wanting surgery to be healthy. I can care less what I look like or what relationship, friendship or sex I may or may not get. I have read this whole thread and agree with the fact that you have to love you first. Therapy sounds like a great option. I am not trying to harsh with you. But if your not happy in your own skin how can you make someone else happy? And coming out of a 16 year relationship. Well another of any type would be the last thing on my mind.

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Jangy03253    56

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I do not know if you can delete threads on here. But tbh I do not see that you were attacked at all. And to say women jump to conclusions is pretty bad comment to make. I think everyone was giving you good suggestions. Friendship is something that does not just happen you have to work on a friendship the same you have to work in a relationship. Maybe a change in attitude and not thinking everyone is out to attack you would make it easier to find friends??

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Go To Topic Listing Singles Forum

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    • Alisa_S

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      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
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    • Alisa_S

      Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

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