Hurt again.

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

I'm really not sure what I want right now.

I want to focus on my life, job and kids. I want my free time full of fun and adventure, attention from men and people who make my life more interesting in a good way.

I don't know that I want mr forever right now. I want to be free for awhile

There is a whole world out there#

[pink dahlia 2,513]

Good to hear that you're heading in the right direction, relationship wise. Many, many years ago I fell hard for a guy who could of been twins with your Mr. Alcoholic loser. I moved on, and while it was hard, I eventually met my husband and have never had to think twice about his choices, actions or reliability. I can't say that about my ex ! I guarantee you my ex is probably dead, spent time in jail or lives a rocky, difficult life. I dont wish the man bad karma at all, but strong feelings cant hold an unstable, rocky , unhappy "relationship" together. Im glad you got out too, before it was too late. Good luck to you !!

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

I just got home from my divorce support group and heard, again, what is the wisdom of those who have gone before me: a healthy relationship can only come after I am emotionally complete on my own without another person. Until then, I am unconsciously trying to fill a hole with another person that can never be filled, and will draw to me people who either consciously or unconsciously have a similar need to merge with/control an incomplete person. Recipe for disaster (and my marriage was one disaster I don't care to repeat).

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,444]

BellaBloom, you ask "Why am I still here?" You're the one who has the answer. You're the one who has to do the work. Pen and paper, two columns: What makes this relationship worthwhile? What makes it not worthwhile? Sit down, keep your entries very brief and specific (e.g., his breath stinks; I can't understand slurred speech; he falls over, et al.). When you run out of things to write, put the pad down and pick it up any time later as new things come to mind. In the end, see which column is longer.

You begin by implying that you've been here before, but not with an alcoholic. Here's something I discovered. If you care to roll it around in your mind, you may find that it has meaning for you, too:

I don't believe in the practice of human sacrifice, especially if I'm the one to be sacrificed.

You say you like his company. An alcoholic is not company. The non-alcoholic in the pair finds that she either (a) drinks more than she ordinarily does or would for lack of someone to talk to and for a false sense of company, or doesn't drink in order to be caretaker/chauffeur to the drinker. Neither makes for a fun evening. I know this because, long ago, I had a quasi-relationship of the type. A man who worked in another city for my company came in every few weeks for a few days. I'd see him once during each trip, which was fine, but the time together was crummy. It took me a while to figure it out.

[sorry about the yellow face. It should be lower case "b" in parentheses, but it automatically turns into the yellow blob. So does "b)."]

You like his company, yet he's boring and shows no interest in you? Ask yourself how that works.

At the same time he shows no interest, he professes love and desire. For him this relationship is about sex. Stay there if it's what you want, but if so, be aware that you can't complain. If convenient sex isn't what you want, leave.

If you have a history of sticking with dead-end guys, therapy.

Above all, SOMETIMES ALONE IS BETTER.

Laurie

Edited October 14, 2015 by WLSResources/ClothingExch

[mskami77 295]

Proud of you and your strength! @@bellabloom

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,444]

Sorry about my message above. I didn't see your note about having broken up with him, so I wrote only based on your initial note.

Edited October 14, 2015 by WLSResources/ClothingExch

[gowalking 10,790]

I just got home from my divorce support group and heard, again, what is the wisdom of those who have gone before me: a healthy relationship can only come after I am emotionally complete on my own without another person. Until then, I am unconsciously trying to fill a hole with another person that can never be filled, and will draw to me people who either consciously or unconsciously have a similar need to merge with/control an incomplete person. Recipe for disaster (and my marriage was one disaster I don't care to repeat).

Yes. Yes. Yes. Let me say it again. Yes. This is truth. Remember the line from Jerry McGuire? 'You complete me'. No. No one should complete another. Compliment yes, complete...no.

[AnnainOK 49]

You're headed in the right direction--however, as the ex-wife of an alcoholic, be aware that you can slip into another situation like this rather easily. I would suggest some sort of counseling, maybe even an al-anon group. It takes real work to root out the issues that allow us to get sucked into an addict's life--and there are all kinds of addicts.

[finediva 979]

You find him irritating and boring AND he fell on you twice. Seriously,