I'm 30 years old and I never really dated. I haven't had weight loss surgery, I'm trying to lose weight on my own without surgery and doing well. I've went from 470 to 430 in about two months. I'm not ready to meet women yet as I wanted to be under 300 before I do that. I'm not sure how to do it. I've always avoided socializing but I feel a big reason I gained so much weight was due to loneliness. I created an online account but didn't add any information or pictures, just wanted to look. I see a lot of women I am interested in but I have no idea how to introduce myself or what I should say. If it progresses to a date I have no idea what to do or where to go on a date. I don't know when I should kiss a woman or request a second date. I feel like I shouldn't need to be figuring this out at 30. This seems like something I should have learned in high school. Is there like a tutorial for this? I feel like it just gets harder to find someone after 30 and throw in the fact I have virtually no dating experience.

This happens alot with online dating. It's a numbers game. The more you connect with, the better your chances of finding a good one. But you will kiss an awful lot of frogs before you find the princess. It can feel like an endurance run so make sure you're not overinvesting in anyone right away.

She's also only 25. I think she was more into just flirting then starting a serious relationship. The flirting was nice in the beginning, but I wanted to move a little farther. I know I changed a lot from 25 to 30 both physically and emotionally.

@ scg I know you will not believe this now but sometimes our biggest letdowns are our BIGGEST blessings. Don't let this dictate when you try again- man up and start chatting with a new woman! ????

@@sgc well think about it this way good thing it happened now. Did you guys ever talked on the phone? Or was it only txt'n?

So the first woman I was talking to do just didn't seem right and our conversation just dried up. I was talking to a second woman and it was going well. She asked me if I was Christian and I gave her an honest answer. Haven't heard back from her so I guess she didn't like my answer. The third woman is finally the charm. We have a date set up and I don't know what to do. She wanted to meet at a local coffee shop. First thing is I hate coffee. Second I do not how to make a first impression. How do I greet a woman for the first time? What is the protocol on requesting a second date if it goes well?

I'm not much of a coffee drinker now but I know that they should have tea or other drinks you can have. That's about all I have, haven't been on a date for the other questions. lol

@@sgc first go on your date and see the vibe you get from this person. You can just be forward but not to pushy and say we should see each other again and see what she might say. Oh and you always give a respectable hug and see how she feels about that. Or if you don't feel comfortable you can just shake her hand.

Edited October 17, 201510 yr by lovingdavid

Congrats!

I am not sure there is a magical formula, but let me tell you what i think! Women want to meet at a coffee shop so they feel safe, have an excuse to get outta town fast if you turn out to be totally different than what you claimed... etc. You would be amazed at the lying that goes on via online dating (lies about age, photos, height, size, work type, history - you name it). The downside of a coffee date is that it is not very condusive to kicking off that attraction/desire sort of feelings... I dunno why... but i love coffee and coffee dates are not my favorite as i never get a sense about people so I always prefer if we can take a walk or something after the coffee if there is any interest at all.

anyway, it doesn't matter if you like coffee - order tea or a smoothie or a hot chocolate... but order something so she doesn't feel awkard drinking her coffee alone! Offer to pay for her coffee... or rather, just pay for it. It is a small thing, but can make a difference on that initial meeting.

When you talk, listen to her. Watch her eyes and expression. Ask questions without grilling her/inteviewing. Be open about yourself, but, no need to share your whole life history in 20 minutes. Be yourself but don't let nerves make you appear disinterested OR over eager. Just relax and see if you guys feel good around each other. Think in terms of making a new friend - how would you want to be treated?

If it is negative, don't see her again... if it is positive or even neutral i strongly suggest asking for a second date because again, I think it is very hard to get a true sense of someone (especially if people are nervous!) over a 20 minute coffee date.

If things go well and the setting/weather seems appropriate, how about ask her if she wants to go for a short walk or stroll after the coffee? If that doesn't feel right, when you are parting, tell her you would like to see her again - be bold, ask her if she'd like to go on a date. The worst that can happen is she says no.

As a woman, this is always awkward, but if I am interested in someone, I say something like "I'd like to talk to you again" and most of the time that results in the man asking me out. Alot of guys are too shy/low confidence and will ask me out by email or text later. That is okay, and probably more comfortable for many many people. I am super outgoing and have kinda learned that i don't mesh too well with shy/low confidence men so they tend to lose points with me on that one. It isn't that important though - the most important thing is BE YOURSELF and try to enjoy the experience!

Good luck!

So the first woman I was talking to do just didn't seem right and our conversation just dried up. I was talking to a second woman and it was going well. She asked me if I was Christian and I gave her an honest answer. Haven't heard back from her so I guess she didn't like my answer. The third woman is finally the charm. We have a date set up and I don't know what to do. She wanted to meet at a local coffee shop. First thing is I hate coffee. Second I do not how to make a first impression. How do I greet a woman for the first time? What is the protocol on requesting a second date if it goes well?

Did you go? Sorry just now seeing this....

Did you go? Sorry just now seeing this....

Actually going today. I have no idea what I'm going to talk about it.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Did you go? Sorry just now seeing this....

Actually going today. I have no idea what I'm going to talk about it.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Actually...let her talk. This way you don't have to over think it, and most women enjoy talking about themselves anyway. Don't just sit there, but take your cues from her and what she talks about.

I have to say everything went well. We ended up talking for about an hour and a half. She was the one who brought up going out a second time and asked when I would be available. She is going to text me perhaps this weekend or next week.

@@sgc that's great you are going to have a second date. Hope things go well.

Make sure you call her within 2 days just to ask how her day is going or whatever did you find what you guys have in common so YOU can plan the next date or meeting & ask if she's available then so it's set up , not really any of my business just trying to help a little & I just make suggestions.

Make sure you call her within 2 days just to ask how her day is going or whatever did you find what you guys have in common so YOU can plan the next date or meeting & ask if she's available then so it's set up , not really any of my business just trying to help a little & I just make suggestions.

I second this suggestion. We are all individuals but me personally will not pursue a man after expressing initial interest. I am really clear likr..."I really enjoyed our talk today, you are everything and more than I expected, I'd like to see you again." If a man does not call after that very direct invite I conclude he wasn't interested.

Funny story about someone contacting me like 3 months later. ..guess he got the message but a little slow!