I'm 30 years old and I never really dated. I haven't had weight loss surgery, I'm trying to lose weight on my own without surgery and doing well. I've went from 470 to 430 in about two months. I'm not ready to meet women yet as I wanted to be under 300 before I do that. I'm not sure how to do it. I've always avoided socializing but I feel a big reason I gained so much weight was due to loneliness. I created an online account but didn't add any information or pictures, just wanted to look. I see a lot of women I am interested in but I have no idea how to introduce myself or what I should say. If it progresses to a date I have no idea what to do or where to go on a date. I don't know when I should kiss a woman or request a second date. I feel like I shouldn't need to be figuring this out at 30. This seems like something I should have learned in high school. Is there like a tutorial for this? I feel like it just gets harder to find someone after 30 and throw in the fact I have virtually no dating experience.

Kind of feeling suspicious she is seeing someone else and maybe I'm a back up. If it's this difficult to talk to her again and get another date, what's the point? It sucks because I had a good time and she seemed to as well. The other woman lives about an hour away so it's not like we can just meet after work or something so that kind of sucks.

Well just take it slow. At least it's an hour away and she's not in a different state. Well if you have that feeling maybe you are correct ????.

I don't want to burst your bubble but it is normal to "date" several people, go slow until you know each other and go from there. Consider it a good sign that someone you just met isn't all clingy and stuff. I had a guy scare the crap out of me....accused me of "playing" him because he could tell I had logged onto the website. I should mention he and I hadn't even met yet....

So she finally gets back to me and wants to meet. We agree on a day and I ask her what she would like to do. She asked what I thought so I made a suggestion. Nothing. Is this some game? Is this what they call playing hard to get? I liked our first meeting but this is becoming too much work.

Meanwhile I have been chatting with another woman. She is kind of far away so I'm not sure how that will work.

Was she working when you texted? Just a thought?

You should still be chatting other women at this point. You might meet the love of your life while this girl is slowly responding!

Dating is work- at least what I remember! ???? it should be fun too.

Just be yourself and have fun! I agree with a few other posts about online dating--- expect to make contact with a lot of weirdos before you meet a few interesting people.

Do you think your confidence has increased after you met with a woman in person?

Good Luck with your future dating life!

Edited November 10, 201510 yr by TMG1980TMG

Well just take it slow. At least it's an hour away and she's not in a different state. Well if you have that feeling maybe you are correct .

Well technically not another state but another country. She works in the US and crosses the border each day for work. She works be me so we're going to meet after work. Not sure how the logistics of this is going to work. The majority of the hour commute is crossing the border.

Now the other woman finally answered and said she is having car issues. I'm not sure how I should proceed.

Hey well just see how things go with the new woman. In regards to the other one only you can decide what to do. Txt her back and see if you guys probably meet again and just saying if she does not reply back maybe she will have another excuse ????. Online dating is hard work just take it easy.

I was wondering if it would be creepy if I offered to pick her up? Not sure how a woman would feel having a man come to her house on a second date.

Edited November 11, 201510 yr by sgc

Well just wait if she txt's back if she got her car fix, but because her car is not working it might not seem to creepy ????.

I met the new woman. It was ok. She was nice but I didn't get the same vibe as the first one. She didn't leave any hints about meeting a second time like the first one.

Speaking of the first one, she texted me while I was with the other woman. She said she felt bad because she was looking forward to meeting. Would it be ok if I offered to pick her up?

I met the new woman. It was ok. She was nice but I didn't get the same vibe as the first one. She didn't leave any hints about meeting a second time like the first one.

Speaking of the first one, she texted me while I was with the other woman. She said she felt bad because she was looking forward to meeting. Would it be ok if I offered to pick her up?

Offer yes, and even offer to meet her at a neutral location ("is there a near by land mark I can pick you up at?") Most of the justifiable hesitancy is giving their home location away. Who needs a stalker who knows where you live? But it is a privilege and a sign of mutual respect when a woman trusts you enough with her address...treat it as a sacred trust.

I agree with @@OKCPirate she may appreciate that you are willing to pick her up or meet close to her that is more convenient for her.

@@sgc good ????glad she wrote back. Well maybe you should offer her a ride now. Hopefully you guys have another date soon.

It's not going to work with the second woman. I got a text this morning and basically said she wasn't interested. I was more relieved than disappointed. She was nice but I just didn't feel it. I was wondering how to approach that and she did it for me.

You know what I noticed... and this has been progressive. I know from the first meeting whether i want to see someone again. In my early days of "online dating" often the man would be interested in me, but I didn't want to see him again. I always hated having to communicate that. I have gotten much better at sending the right signals and in general I don't have that happen anymore.... we just have a pleasant coffee, chat or whatever and it seems that it goes unspoken that we arent going to pursue this.

One of my insights was believe it or not reading about meyers briggs personality types. It might be all bogus, but I am an ENFP and one of the things I learned is that often that personality type is flirtatious and engaging without even realizing it. I am more self aware now and am much better at being friendly and pleasant without sending the "flirtatious" signals. I recently realized that my obesity used to keep me in the safe zone - I could be all smiling and engaging and everyone knew i was not actually flirting. Now that i am more shapely and attractive, it was being misinterpeted.

Who knew the world was so complicated? haha

It's not going to work with the second woman. I got a text this morning and basically said she wasn't interested. I was more relieved than disappointed. She was nice but I just didn't feel it. I was wondering how to approach that and she did it for me.

I am more self confident than the average woman.... so I would probably be okay with someone picking me up once we had talked alot/met. Of course, I share a house with two young strapping lads (my grown sons) so I probably have a false sense of safety - ha.

I like the suggestion made to say something like "I would like to see you again, would you be comfortable with me picking you and taking you to that movie we talked about? Or is there some convenient location we could meet at?"

I met the new woman. It was ok. She was nice but I didn't get the same vibe as the first one. She didn't leave any hints about meeting a second time like the first one.

Speaking of the first one, she texted me while I was with the other woman. She said she felt bad because she was looking forward to meeting. Would it be ok if I offered to pick her up?