I'm 30 years old and I never really dated. I haven't had weight loss surgery, I'm trying to lose weight on my own without surgery and doing well. I've went from 470 to 430 in about two months. I'm not ready to meet women yet as I wanted to be under 300 before I do that. I'm not sure how to do it. I've always avoided socializing but I feel a big reason I gained so much weight was due to loneliness. I created an online account but didn't add any information or pictures, just wanted to look. I see a lot of women I am interested in but I have no idea how to introduce myself or what I should say. If it progresses to a date I have no idea what to do or where to go on a date. I don't know when I should kiss a woman or request a second date. I feel like I shouldn't need to be figuring this out at 30. This seems like something I should have learned in high school. Is there like a tutorial for this? I feel like it just gets harder to find someone after 30 and throw in the fact I have virtually no dating experience.

Well I discovered something interesting today. While perusing my matches on eHarmony, I noticed I was matched with a co-worker. This is someone who I like a lot and didn't know she was single. I'm wondering if I should pursue this? Not sure about office politics. It would also then become awkward if she wasn't interested in a romantic relationship.

@@sgc don't poop where you eat. lol Office romances cause problems, I seen it happen.

I know several people who met their spouses at work - so good stories happen too...however...i have worked for the same company for DECADES and prefer to keep my personal life (all aspects) seperate from work. That attitude has served me well. Think hard about this.

Well I discovered something interesting today. While perusing my matches on eHarmony, I noticed I was matched with a co-worker. This is someone who I like a lot and didn't know she was single. I'm wondering if I should pursue this? Not sure about office politics. It would also then become awkward if she wasn't interested in a romantic relationship.

@@sgc well you should wait and see what happens with the other lady that you been talking about. Hopefully the second date goes well. not sure about your co-worker I've done that in the past ???? it went well but we just went out separate ways after that. Maybe you should take some time to yourself and see what is it that you looking for.

I'm not going to pursue the woman at work. Don't need to make things awkward at work. Just surprising the odds we would be matched given the thousands of available people in my area plus the fact there are hundreds of people where I work and I would be matched with someone I know.

So I offered to pick her up and she said she appreciated that. She said she needed to get a new car. I proceeded to make small talk and after a couple exchanges she went silent. For a week. Then today out of the blue she asks how am I doing. I told myself I had moved on. I enjoyed our first meeting so I'm tempted to respond. I don't think I'm being to clingy expecting a second date in less than a month after the first.

So I offered to pick her up and she said she appreciated that. She said she needed to get a new car. I proceeded to make small talk and after a couple exchanges she went silent. For a week. Then today out of the blue she asks how am I doing. I told myself I had moved on. I enjoyed our first meeting so I'm tempted to respond. I don't think I'm being to clingy expecting a second date in less than a month after the first.

This is why you should be pursuing more than one person. It's a numbers game right now. I did this for more than a year till I got lucky and found someone I wanted to be exclusive with. I will admit I wasn't comfortable with more than one man at the same time, but it's what you have to do. Just so you know...I did not become physically intimate with any of them. The only one is the man I'm now exclusive with. This isn't a judgement...I'm just letting you know how I approached it.

So I offered to pick her up and she said she appreciated that. She said she needed to get a new car. I proceeded to make small talk and after a couple exchanges she went silent. For a week. Then today out of the blue she asks how am I doing. I told myself I had moved on. I enjoyed our first meeting so I'm tempted to respond. I don't think I'm being to clingy expecting a second date in less than a month after the first.

This is why you should be pursuing more than one person. It's a numbers game right now. I did this for more than a year till I got lucky and found someone I wanted to be exclusive with. I will admit I wasn't comfortable with more than one man at the same time, but it's what you have to do. Just so you know...I did not become physically intimate with any of them. The only one is the man I'm now exclusive with. This isn't a judgement...I'm just letting you know how I approached it.

I have been but no luck. I would definitely meet with someone else if I could find that person.

So I offered to pick her up and she said she appreciated that. She said she needed to get a new car. I proceeded to make small talk and after a couple exchanges she went silent. For a week. Then today out of the blue she asks how am I doing. I told myself I had moved on. I enjoyed our first meeting so I'm tempted to respond. I don't think I'm being to clingy expecting a second date in less than a month after the first.

This is why you should be pursuing more than one person. It's a numbers game right now. I did this for more than a year till I got lucky and found someone I wanted to be exclusive with. I will admit I wasn't comfortable with more than one man at the same time, but it's what you have to do. Just so you know...I did not become physically intimate with any of them. The only one is the man I'm now exclusive with. This isn't a judgement...I'm just letting you know how I approached it.

I have been but no luck. I would definitely meet with someone else if I could find that person.

go on multiple dating sites. I did three of them. Jdate, POF, and Zoosk. I emailed and talked with at least 50 or 60 men over a time period of about 14 months and went on probably aorund 20 or 25 first dates...and had follow up dates with four guys. Most of the dates were OK but there wasn't the spark or we/he/I knew we weren't having a second date. I went to alot of wine bars....lol. It can be exhausting but also fun to meet new people.

@@gowalking as you said..it's a job!

Best advice I ever got...have low expectations. I don't really think much about someone unless we have had 3-5 dates.. it's a strange world this dating business.

Don't take it personally..just keep trying!

I am on multiple sites but some I have put more into the profile than others. Messaged quite a few women and none of them have returned my message. I really liked the first woman. I immediately knew I wanted a second date. The second woman I wasn't feeling it. I spent more time thinking about when can I go home and how do I tell her I'm not interested. There's also a part of me that thinks maybe she did have legitimate car issues. This seems like high school drama.

So an update. I went on a couple dates with the original girl. We had gone out to dinner on the last date and everything seemed fine. She had talked about her cooking and said she would need to cook for me. We decided to go out that weekend. I texted her the day before and she said she had a fever. I told her I hope she feels better and let me know when she is ready. She never texted again. She has since moved changed her status to moved on so I guess that's it. Haven't generated much interest from women. What I thought would happen has. I've plateaued on my weight loss. I've begun to question the point of losing weight. I probably wasn't ready to jump into this.

Keep trying. Just have fun with it. I get rejected sometimes and I just move on. There are a million people out there and there is a lid to every pot. Keep going out on dates and you'll find your match.

Don't just email a girl once. Try a couple times. Email every girl you think you could possibly like. It's hard to tell from a picture wether there could be chemistry. Don't just say "hi". Say something like "hi beautiful! You seem smart and interesting! How do you like sushi?" Always ask a question so it's easy for them to start a conversation with you.

Have at least 5 or 6 pictures that are clear up of yourself. Make sure your profile has correct spelling and grammar. List your height and talk about yourself. Girls do read profiles. Try to be funny with it.

If a girl goes out with you, ALWAYS insist on paying the first and probably second date. Take a girl out to coffee for the first date. That way it won't cost much if there is no spark.

Keep trying. She is out there.

So an update. I went on a couple dates with the original girl. We had gone out to dinner on the last date and everything seemed fine. She had talked about her cooking and said she would need to cook for me. We decided to go out that weekend. I texted her the day before and she said she had a fever. I told her I hope she feels better and let me know when she is ready. She never texted again. She has since moved changed her status to moved on so I guess that's it. Haven't generated much interest from women. What I thought would happen has. I've plateaued on my weight loss. I've begun to question the point of losing weight. I probably wasn't ready to jump into this.

Your remark about questioning the point of losing weight is bothering me. Did you decide to do this hoping to find a girlfriend? I hope not. Love yourself my friend...and everything else will fall into place...even if you never find the 'right girl'.

So an update. I went on a couple dates with the original girl. We had gone out to dinner on the last date and everything seemed fine. She had talked about her cooking and said she would need to cook for me. We decided to go out that weekend. I texted her the day before and she said she had a fever. I told her I hope she feels better and let me know when she is ready. She never texted again. She has since moved changed her status to moved on so I guess that's it. Haven't generated much interest from women. What I thought would happen has. I've plateaued on my weight loss. I've begun to question the point of losing weight. I probably wasn't ready to jump into this.

Your remark about questioning the point of losing weight is bothering me. Did you decide to do this hoping to find a girlfriend? I hope not. Love yourself my friend...and everything else will fall into place...even if you never find the 'right girl'.

I decided to start because I had high blood pressure and sleep apnea and am only 30 years old. Finding a girlfriend was a high priority. Even if I get down to a normal weight, my body is still ruined. I started questioning why I was dating on the last date. We went to a restaurant and sat in a booth and I barely fit into it. How can I date when I have to worry if I'm going to fit in places? Now wasn't the right time to start. In the past 6 weeks I gain a pound. Granted I didn't undue what I already did but I was losing about 3 pounds a week. I'm about 20 pounds behind schedule.