Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

Recommended Posts

I am in the middle stages or pre op and am excited to eventually be able to do things I couldn't do before.... but I asked my husband to not tell anyone I was doing WLS. I don't feel ashamed but do you think it's wrong for me to keep this a secret?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

No not at all. The less people who know, the better IMHO.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think it's a personal choice that everyone has to make. I don't think there is a perfect, one way fits all choice. Personally, I have told anyone and everyone. However, that's a part of my personality. I know not everyone is an open book.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I also have told everyone and anyone that might ask.. If they have their comments I do not care for, I really do not care. If you have not been in my place, or our place, having food issues and being overweight for 30 years, then what in the world do they know. So far everyone has been very supportive. It is a very individual decision who you tell.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Keep it private as long as you feel you need to. I've noticed a lot of people have a crummy attitude toward WLS and, in general, feel they have a right to opine loudly whenever they hear about it. No reason to set yourself for annoyance or hurt feelings.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have chosen not to tell but a few people prior to surgery because I didn't want the negative comments in my head during the first part of this journey to permanent weight loss that some would feel important to share without them being knowledgeable about the topic.

I think it is a personal decision on how best to handle it, but remember, you can't un-tell them so if you are torn which way to go, I would suggest holding off for now unless they are a part of your support system.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

im only telling family and two close friends thats it the clients at work im just telling diet and exercise which is the truth to some extent

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I also want to keep my surgery a secret. I am curious though, do you work? I am trying to figure out what I can use for an excuse for being out of work and what I can use as an excuse for eating only soft foods when I come back. We have a lot of lunch meetings where I work and we are constantly going out with vendors, I thought I could get away with ordering salad and then picking through it so it wouldn't be noticeable that I wasn't eating as much but some of the things I am reading are leading me to think that idea won't work.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Not at all. It's a personal decision. I chose not to tell, and at six weeks out, I've not one regret. Good luck!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes I work I work in a psychiatrist office so the clients we see once a month will definitely notice my absence and weight loss

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You could always say "I have had some health problems but I'm doing well now! Thank you so much for your concern!" if people get nosy about where you have been.

As far as meals out, Soup is generally a good option!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

No, I don't think it's wrong to ask your SO/spouse to not tell others. Even if you do plan to tell someone, I'm one of those people who think it should be *your* time and *your* decision. I pretty much had a melt down and got very angry at my partner last week over this. Over a month ago, I had told him that he did not have my permission to disclose my surgery to ANYONE without my explicit consent. I explained he could tell his boss/coworkers I was having surgery (because he took off work) "for digestive issues" if he wanted, but no other details. I *specifically* told him not to tell his mother, because she's just been really unpleasant to me.

It's difficult. She's mostly an okay woman, in her 80's, but it's very clear that she thinks her son has chosen poorly because of my weight. Lately she's made it part of our interactions whenever I see her. So, for example, a couple of months ago, she gave me diet cook books, and quizzed us about how much we out, because she thinks that eating out is a problem. Last December I went to Christmas dinner with his family, and that was the *worst* it's been -- first, my sweetie told his mother I don't eat blue cheese, so she wasn't going to put the dressing on the salad, but then she DUMPED a giant container of blue cheese crumbles on the salad. When I later politely declined a serving, she got upset at me. My sweetie said "She doesn't like blue cheese..." and his mother denied putting any in it. We couldn't tell if she had forgotten or what. But the final stroke was that most of the foods on the table were bad for me (carby) or just disgusting -- her salad, gross stuffing with giblets -- so I ended up with small portions of the bone dry turkey, macaroni and cheese, and bread I'd made. His mother leaned over the second time I refused her salad and said, "Well, look at your plate -- you won't eat the salad but you'll eat all that? That's why you're fat!"

I cried half the way home in the car, because I had put up with that, and because of that, I have NO interest in that woman knowing about my surgery. So when my sweetie said, last week, "Oh, I told my mother you had surgery and she hopes you get well soon..." I was FURIOUS. I am not interested in that mean-spirited woman thinking she somehow influenced me, when in fact the opposite was true -- every time she did stuff like that to me, it made me sure I would NEVER have WLS.

Well, gosh--- that's been a bit of an off topic theraputic rant. But anyway, my point is, I support you having privacy. :-)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

No, I don't think it's wrong to ask your SO/spouse to not tell others. Even if you do plan to tell someone, I'm one of those people who think it should be *your* time and *your* decision. I pretty much had a melt down and got very angry at my partner last week over this. Over a month ago, I had told him that he did not have my permission to disclose my surgery to ANYONE without my explicit consent. I explained he could tell his boss/coworkers I was having surgery (because he took off work) "for digestive issues" if he wanted, but no other details. I *specifically* told him not to tell his mother, because she's just been really unpleasant to me.

It's difficult. She's mostly an okay woman, in her 80's, but it's very clear that she thinks her son has chosen poorly because of my weight. Lately she's made it part of our interactions whenever I see her. So, for example, a couple of months ago, she gave me diet cook books, and quizzed us about how much we out, because she thinks that eating out is a problem. Last December I went to Christmas dinner with his family, and that was the *worst* it's been -- first, my sweetie told his mother I don't eat blue cheese, so she wasn't going to put the dressing on the salad, but then she DUMPED a giant container of blue cheese crumbles on the salad. When I later politely declined a serving, she got upset at me. My sweetie said "She doesn't like blue cheese..." and his mother denied putting any in it. We couldn't tell if she had forgotten or what. But the final stroke was that most of the foods on the table were bad for me (carby) or just disgusting -- her salad, gross stuffing with giblets -- so I ended up with small portions of the bone dry turkey, macaroni and cheese, and bread I'd made. His mother leaned over the second time I refused her salad and said, "Well, look at your plate -- you won't eat the salad but you'll eat all that? That's why you're fat!"

I cried half the way home in the car, because I had put up with that, and because of that, I have NO interest in that woman knowing about my surgery. So when my sweetie said, last week, "Oh, I told my mother you had surgery and she hopes you get well soon..." I was FURIOUS. I am not interested in that mean-spirited woman thinking she somehow influenced me, when in fact the opposite was true -- every time she did stuff like that to me, it made me sure I would NEVER have WLS.

Well, gosh--- that's been a bit of an off topic theraputic rant. But anyway, my point is, I support you having privacy. :-)

I would suggest limited contact with her. No one deserves to be treated that way and it is not good for your mental state and future health to have her be a part of your life.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm keeping mine a secret as well with the exception of my SO and potentially my kids once I get much closer to surgery day. I don't even feel like I can trust my Mom with the information.

As I've matured I find that I need the approval of others less in order to feel validated. That being said, I really don't want/need others opinions regarding my health choices. I don't want others re-telling versions of my health choices either. I think we all know that folks who haven't spent time in our shoes can be quick to judge or comment on something they can't possibly understand. Even those with the best of intentions can hurt or make you second guess yourself.

I've considered this step for two years now. I know what I want. I don't think there is anything wrong with keeping such a private medically founded decision solely your own. I only worry a bit about support at times but I feel like this is my life style change to make, not everyone else's. I have to figure out how to make my way in this new lifestyle. I would love to hear what others are doing for support if they aren't telling family and/or have weak support systems as that will be something I will need to prepare myself to deal with...

Edited by gobeit

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • Rose99

      Hi guys I really want to share this video https://shrinke.me/A7u74lMl what I eat in a day to lose weight. You'll never regret, just try it!)
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Meganator

      Over 100lbs down (80ish PO VSG 10/13/21). It feels so unreal to me.
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Sunshine Princess

      I just had a teaspoon of hummus with a teaspoon of avocado topped with a teaspoon of greek yogurt and it. was. GLORIOUS. I'm four days out and my surgeon gave me the greenlight to work in small amounts of pureed food. 
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • lizardskelter

      done
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • heyitsdilly

      I've officially surpassed 80lbs of weight loss! Working on that 100lbs!
      · 1 reply
      1. acopas

        Way to go!

  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×