Secret sleever

[downsizingdiva 460]

I'M A SECRET SLEEVER, AND SO SO VERY HAPPY THAT I AM. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND KEEPING IT A SECRET UNLESS YOU LIKE OTHERS BEING IN YOUR BUSINESS, WATCHING YOU, JUDGING YOU, COMMENTING ON YOU, ETC ETC. MY JOURNEY HAS BEEN SO MUCH SIMPLER KEEPING IT TO MYSELF...THAT'S JUST ME THO.

[Mrswrath 19]

I had my sleeve aug 3. My husband and teenage daughters knew. Also I have a friend going through it too, so she knew. As for family I told my patents ( who I work for) that I needed 2 wks off wrk for a little procedure. I told no one else!!

When the dr did my sleeve he found I had a hernia - so now if anyone asks why I have been out - I say hernia surgery.

For me I do not want the gossiping behind my back and the chatter.

Now do I think my parents figured it out - yes. But I stick to my hernia story!!

Plus I had complications the first day and was so dehydrated I need 25lbs of Fluid and blood transfusions in me- so that's my story- I am a private person and just that added drama- blah who needs it right now!!

[Pinkgirl1234 761]

Yes stick to the hernia it's the truth...you had a hernia...had it fixed....no more info needed.Keep this undercover it's done.No questions....

[Pinkgirl1234 761]

I believe in Secret WLS.....too many have too much to say about anything!

[Ms. Nunya 126]

I'm not telling.

[Hugs :) 9]

Wow, I'm so glad to see I'm not the only one struggling with the decision to tell or not to tell. My surgery is scheduled for Sept. 15th and I'd really prefer to keep my personal decisions to myself and avoid the judgmental comments of others who know nothing of what I am enduring. That being said, I will take on the comments and questions on an individual bases. One of my biggest deciding factors in my decision for surgery was because a friend shared with me that she has WLS a few years prior, which surprised me because I didn't even know she had ever had a weight problem. When I started checking into it for myself, I was able to ask her about her experience and what to expect and it really helped me make my decision. So if I can help someone else along their journey, I want to be open to that but other than that, I'd really rather keep private.

Since the beginning of the year, I've already lost just over 30 lb's, mostly from cutting out sugar and fast food and trying to change my lifestyle to be closer to what I'll be doing after surgery with the exception of the far smaller portion sizes post-op. I regularly work-out in an aqua-fitness class already and many people have already noticed and commented on the changes. I'm hoping this will help the additional weight loss after surgery be less of a big deal. When people are asking how I've done it, I am just saying I've been making a lot of lifestyle changes and I've also made the the comment, "you name it, I've about done it all" and leave it at that, which is true both before and after surgery.

When I've had to request time off from work and other commitments, I've just told the necessary people that I'm having a medical procedure for personal reasons and prefer to keep it private. They typically think that it's a "female" issue and leave it alone. I've also read somewhere on another post in this group someone else had a great comment

for this by saying "it's just one of those things that is necessary but no one likes to talk about". I love that & knew I'd have to remember that one.

I am still wondering how to best handle comments post-op while still being honest but not broadcasting my personal life to everyone. I'd love to hear more how everyone else is handling this as well. Ultimately, I must remember that regardless of any comments, criticisms, or judgments I may get, my self-worth is not determined by what people say or think of me, but by what God knows of me.

Best wishes to everyone on their journey!

[bhopeful 33]

Awesome reading everyone's opinions here. I just posted this exact question about half an hour ago and here the same topic pops up with lots of replies. I really feel that people judge far more than they support, generally. So I will probably keep it quiet.

[smileygal 43]

Hi. I have also decided to keep my journey very secret. The reason that I just can't stand other people's opinions - uncalled for - on my life. Having been through infertility, IVF and a divorce that judgement and opinions from people who do not have a clue really is not welcome here! My husband of course knows - he is a fabulous support. I have told 2 girlfriends with a third finding out from an unguarded posting on a FB thread. I've told my boss I need some surgery but I don't want the rest of the office to know - lovely people but all have their strong opinions too. I'm telling all I'm starting to look after myself better with diet and exercise. I hope it will be that easy. Maybe I'll feel more confident to share my journey after.

My only big worry is if something goes wrong and my parents and brothers didn't even know I was going into hospital....,

[BrennaB 2]

I decided to keep it a secret, only telling my husband. Not even my mom or kids know. I told my coworkers that I was having a "women" surgery and no one asked questions. When I started losing weight prior to surgery I attributed it to a low carb diet and carried around Protein Shakes. I am 3 weeks post op now and noone has suspected anything. I only stayed off work for a week. It is no one's business what I do with my own body.

[wwboy 141]

I think there's a difference between private and secret. Generally speaking, privacy builds confidence while secret keeping does not... Privacy is having well conceived boundaries and good strategies for maintaining them. Secrecy is putting up false boundaries and lies to maintain the image of intimacy and connection where there is not. Secrets like these breed shame - because we imagine the judgments of those we hide from and apply them to ourselves. Not a fun cycle :/

To me - it sounds like many of us here are doing the heathy work of sorting out what is private and what is exposed. Little of this sounds like secret keeping to me.

As for me, I have shared this with close friends I respect and value. For some (like gram-mama) I've had to have long explanations which were tense at moments. But that was better to me than trying to maintain a false sense of connection while keeping the truth from her. Most others - I couldn't care less what they think and so I don't include them on my process. They may hear gossip...or create it...which only verifies their untrustworthiness to me in this regard. I did put s note up on Facebook to about a hundred family members and friends....but that list was carefully created...and the post was only for them.

I don't want to do this surgery in secret - and yet I don't want to do it alone. It's not secret if you decide who knows (even if only 1). But don't be mistaken! Intimacy is created exclusively by the mutual sharing of secrets. The more we withhold, the less intimacy we'll enjoy.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Tobeornottobe 89]

My health is my business, not my co-workers or my neighbors. I am not required to share my health information with anyone. The only people who know are my BFF and my family and that's it. I don't run around sharing all my health information.

[NewReinforcers 1]

I have my initial consult this month, I have told very few people that I am considering this and will keep it that way as I progress. It's a private matter.