6 days postop: parental issues

[likelike 63]

When I had my surgery last week my husband was unable to be by my side because of his 12 hour graveyard work plus it would of taken him an additional hour to get to the hospital. So my mom stepped up by going to my postop lifestyle class the day before surgery and my step dad would also be there to being me to and from the hospital.

Well, the morning of my class I finally told my mom how much I weighed and she laughed at me, which naturally hurt my feelings and made me realize bringing her there was a big mistake.

Then the day my patent came to pick me up my parents forgot to pick me up! We agreed to leave at noon and my mom texted me that they'd be there before twelve but when I asked how the traffic was at 1145 she said they were still at home!!! I had gotten my last dose of pain meds injected into my iv since I told the nurses that I'd be checking out at twelve but by the time my parents got to the hospital the pain meds wore off... I was in pain getting in and out of their big ass car. My step dad knew I was upset and started to make some bullshit story up of.. "you were too drugged up last night!! We couldn't understand you!!" ... Um no... I told mom this morning to pick me up at noon. He was making things so bad the moment I came home by saying my husband should of taken me to and from the hospital and this was not any of his responsibility. (Both my patents are retired and live WITH ME AND MY HUSBAND)

So last night (5 days post op) I went for a walk at the local marina around 830 cause it was cooler (92) but when I got home I was out of breath. So this morning I thought I'd take it slower by walking a lap around the mall but came home exhausted yet again! My dad tells me to suck it up .. and he doesn't understand why I'd be so out of breath. I told him he wouldn't understand and that caused him to snap at me saying that he would because he had a valve transplant a few years ago (but I was always there to support him during his recovery) . I told him I just had half of a major organ removed and he started to get all huffy and puffy.

Since this morning my husband removed my nonfat yogurt and sugar free pudding from the kitchen refrigerator and placed it in our bedroom fridge so that I wouldn't have to run into my dad again.

I'm so exhausted of all this and I want to go back to work but I know that's not feasible since work is pretty demanding. Guess I'll be in my room for the next three weeks.

I can't believe I'm 28 years old and crying over this shit.

[JamieLogical 8,727]

Yikes. Sounds like they aren't the easiest people to deal with. It's hard enough just trying to take care of yourself in those early days post-op without the drama of dealing with other people's issues. Hang in there. Do your best to avoid them (I know it's hard when you are trapped in a house with them all day!) and just take care of yourself. You'll be going through so many emotions in the next couple of weeks. It's completely normal, even without the situation you're in.

[likelike 63]

Thank you so much !!@@JamieLogical

[Bufflehead 6,358]

Is there any way your husband can sit down with your parents and say something like:

"Likelike is recovering from major surgery and she's working on getting stronger and healing. She's following her doctor's orders with respect to exercise and eating, but it's going to take some time before she gets her strength and energy back. She really needs all of our support right now. Can you please stop criticizing her and being sarcastic with her? It makes her feel really bad and she needs to feel positive right now. If you can't do that, could you please take a vacation for a couple of weeks?"

Or you could have the conversation. But I think it's good to lay it all on the table, what you need, and how you aren't getting that *at all* from them, instead of picking back and forth about each individual instance of their being rude and non-supportive. Once they see the big picture of what is going on, and that what they are doing is truly hurting you, hopefully they will want to support you and lift you up instead of tearing you down. And since you said they live "with you," I assume it is your house and your prerogative to tell them to get lost for a couple of weeks if they persist. There is no reason you should be hiding away in your own home!

But, if you know your parents well enough to know they would have an extremely hostile reaction, then yes, stay out of their way, avoid their company, talk to them as little as possible, and focus on your own recovery rather than whatever they are saying/thinking/doing. Work on making them irrelevant to you, at least in the short run.

[alicia54 36]

I am so sorry you have to deal with that kind of bs. on the bright side it sounds like your hubby is good support it is hard to excuse rude from others but the people here are starting to feel more like support and caring people so be proud of yourself and try not to show people how hurt you are good luck and stay strong ali

[Maggietcu2 55]

You sure have a lot going on. Clearly they are not dependable right now. Glad you worked out some other arrangements. Could a friend come check on you during the day? Maybe use the motivation to get out of the house to push through your workouts Best of luck to you!

[ShrinkingPeach 1,291]

Agree with the others, so sorry you are having to deal with the stress of all that. It's not fair to have to hide in your bedroom when it s your house. I would speak to them and tell them if they cannot be supportive then to not say anything at all about it.

Take your time and rest, don't go back to work too soon. It takes time to heal and recuperate. Good luck and stand your ground! You have already achieved the toughest part, be proud of your decision!

[Cars 27]

Not to sound mean but your parents seem to be grouchy. I hate when people try to battle or compare there past experience with yours. It's not about who had a bigger surgery or who had more pain. Really! They were selfish and unconcerned from the beggining , laughing at your weight, being late to pick you up then, making smart ass remarks about you being out of breath. Pay no attention to them. Go on with your normal routine as if they were not there. You have support from your husband and that's good enough. Maybe there is a sense of jealousy . Keep your head up. You'll be fine. Especially when you start dropping pounds. Good luck

[likelike 63]

Thank you you guys!! It really brought me to tears reading all of your input!! I truly value all of your advices and will talk with my husband with trying to work with my parents. You are all so supportive and I'm so thankful for finding this website!!

[sparkles1971 47]

Maybe it's time for them to find a new place to live.

[jane13 2,256]

I agree with @ maybe its time for them to get their own place. If they live their rent-free they should be able to help somewhat and it seems they cant do that to terribly well. I don't get people like that, young or old.

[BigViffer 3,545]

I'm betting that when you were younger you heard the phrase, "As long as you live under my roof, you will treat me with respect!"

I'd let them hear that. Being family does not give one carte blanche to treat another family member any way they want without repercussions. Lowered stress is very important to the healing process, especially if you were a stress eater before.