How is the attention?

[leag78 469]

I'm single and have been for almost 15 years. My daughter is going on 14 and the last person I was with was her dead beat father who has nothing to do with her. I guess that played a big part on why I let my weight get out of control. My mom seemed to think that I went into a depression because I just stopped caring about my appearance and I just felt unattractive.

When I'm around men I don't show any interest because I automatically assume that they wouldn't want to have anything to do with someone like me. I felt disgusted, and often thought that no man would ever want someone as big as me. I was a 342 lbs of hot mess. I'm down 34 lbs since surgery 7 weeks ago tomorrow, but obviously still have a long way to go. I miss having someone in my life.

My question is, how long did it take for you to be noticed by the opposite sex? Did anyone of you give yourselves makeovers? I know I still have a long ways before I can have the confidence in myself. I mean if I make eye contact with a man I automatically look away because I assume that's what he's gonna do. Any thoughts?

Edited June 2, 2015 by leag78

[AvaFern 3,516]

I understand how you feel. I have been big and I have been small and I know that when I'm heavy men want nothing to do with me and when I'm small they like me. I suppose I noticed that they began paying more attention to me when I was around 145-ish, but now that I'm 126 I haven't quite kicked the habit of assuming they think I'm a big fat fugly. Periodically I catch a guy checking me out and I feel almost yucked out, which is weird. The guy I'm seeing right now tells me all the time how tiny I am, how hot I am, how I'm the perfect litttle polly pocket size, and I honestly don't feel like that at all. I tend to think that the way we see ourselves contributes to how others see us as well. I felt way hotter when I was younger and around 135-140 because I had lots of confidence. Now I'm 31, about 10-15 pounds smaller than that and I feel like my thighs are too big, my butt is too flabby, and my neck and forehead have wrinkles. I fake confidence though and that seems to work, lol.

Oh, and in terms of makeovers...I had 3 massive plastic surgery procedures, so I'm going to call that my makeover, lol. I also tend to buy a lot of clothing because I am still tickled pink giddy that the XS shirts are almost too big on me. I have been on like a 4 month makeover at this point, haha.

[woo woo 872]

You will 100% start getting noticed as soon as you start feeling better/more confident.

Give it a couple months to kick in.

Meantime follow your plan, get exercise in. You're gonna look and feel fabulous before you know it!!

[laguerr13 993]

I thought it might be refreshing for you guys to hear from the opposite sex, being big all my life I never had any issues dating girls, maybe once I was outright told that I was too big, but I'm so outgoing I never experienced the things I hear people talk about, I was never into looks, always about who made me laugh and feel good, and who could hold a conversation, then I was fortunate enough to marry a very beautiful South African woman, blonde, blue eyes and size 6 when I met her, she has been my rock, my biggest supporter and gave me my princess age 7, and my twin boys age 6, but now that I have decided to undertake my journey(surgery on 6/10), I'm having certain psyche issues that have to do with acceptance, in other words would he or she still would've wanted to be my friend if I was the old me?, I would say that when the right one comes along you will know the difference, and if you tell them your story it will solidify the relationship, you see I had a first bad marriage and my wife wasn't a very nice person either, so I knew the difference right away, be strong, and don't look for it, it happens at anytime! Already down 30+ lbs and 7 days to go ...........

[gowalking 10,790]

For me it wasn't a number reached, it was the realization that I was no longer obese. I knew last year that I was 'normal' sized and felt comfortable enough to start to date. It's a part of the process of the 'makeover'. I haven't had plastic surgery but I've gone through a makeover by wearing makeup, getting a new and younger looking hairstyle, wearing attractive clothing, and feeling pretty and confident.

It doesn't happen overnight and certainly not at one time. Again...it's a process and you will know when it's time to put yourself out there. You may have some negative incidents..dating is very up and down for sure but as long as you know that you are worthy of positive attention, you will be OK.

Good luck..and enjoy.

[Debbieduck4 399]

What's weird for me is that sometimes I get kind of annoyed at my hubby when he thinks I look cute now. I know that's messed up in the head somehow, but he will say something about me being hot now and my thoughts go something like this.. "Oh, now you think I'm hot? Now I'm acceptable to you? What about before when I was all dolled up with a cute outfit on, hair and makeup done, and really needing your compliments?" I don't know what's wrong with me! Usually I enjoy the extra attention, but just once in awhile I have those thoughts. I probably need a counselor! haha! Other than that, I definitely really noticed on a recent vacation while at the beach and wearing sun dresses that I got lots of appreciative glances. But I also think I dress a little more feminine now too because the girly dresses and tank tops and stuff look cute again. Enjoy the new you!

[pink dahlia 2,513]

I think it all comes down to self confidence, because no matter what anybodys weight is , if you dont feel good about yourself its very noticable. Some large women radiate self confidence and "own the room " and some small women can't make eye contact or talk to people. Years ago I met an average looking woman, about 5'6, not slim, a little heavy, average looks. But she was so outgoing and friendly ! I asked what she did job wise and she said "Im an entertainer on a cruise ship ! I get up on stage and belt out the tunes on the nightly shows !!! Wow !!! Talk about self confidence !! Sooooo, start putting a little extra effort into yourself and watch what happens !! Good luck !!

[AussieSam 234]

I know this sounds strange but my wife preferred more when I was 440 pounds. She tells me she felt more secure and now I dropped a lot she seems to get worried a bit.

[Weighting2BeFree 164]

I know this sounds strange but my wife preferred more when I was 440 pounds. She tells me she felt more secure and now I dropped a lot she seems to get worried a bit.

At 440 she felt secure because in her mind there wasn't any competition. As you lose weight, I bet your confidence is returning and that can make a man attractive as well. She may think you will leave her for a younger, hotter woman. Weight loss just doesn't affect you, it affects everyone around you because you change, not just your weight. ☺

[BLERDgirl 6,417]

I think it's part mental/personality as well. Even if you do become single digits slim, if you feel unworthy that's the attention you will get. Even at my highest, over 400 pounds I was always outgoing and confident. I had no problem getting attention from men because I liked me and always thought I was cute. of course I kept myself groomed, well dressed, etc.... People are just as attracted to happy, outgoing people as they are tight bodies.

My advice is while you are working on the physical, work on the mental as well. Tell yourself daily you are worth love/attention and groom yourself accordingly.

[AussieSam 234]

I know this sounds strange but my wife preferred more when I was 440 pounds. She tells me she felt more secure and now I dropped a lot she seems to get worried a bit.

At 440 she felt secure because in her mind there wasn't any competition. As you lose weight, I bet your confidence is returning and that can make a man attractive as well. She may think you will leave her for a younger, hotter woman. Weight loss just doesn't affect you, it affects everyone around you because you change, not just your weight. ☺

Yes totally agree with you

[jane13 2,256]

I work in a predominately male area and as an older, 52 y/o morbidly obese women, I get ignored (over looked). When I was thinner, 160-170, and of course younger, I didn't have to <cough> to get someone's attention. Its kind of nice at times because I am not interested in any but my hubby but I see a slimmer (& younger) woman walk by and watch them stop & gawk. Sounds bad but its just human nature. There are a few really nice looking men here and I am not going to lie I notice them. But I think women were raised to not be as obvious.

@@leag78 when the time is right you will respond (react) to the attention a little better each time. take your time....

[Bandora 136]

I have been in a serious relationship since the month of my surgery ( June 2013)so I am not dating. But..........

I would have to say that when I entered " Onederland" I began to be approached regularly by men. Now, I am in my 40's so I am not out dancing or clubbing ( ha ha) but I noticed that fellow grocery shoppers make small talk with me and also men at places like the mall, car wash and even at the medical complex where my dentist is located.

Men talked to me when I was bigger but sadly I didn't seem to attract quality men. I think some feel an overweight woman is a doormat. Just a general statement. Some men I felt were looking for a big woman to take advantage of.

Stay positive! You will meet that person when you least expect it.