Hi guys, I've struggled with my weight since childhood. I was put on meds in high school for attention deficit and lost a bunch of weight. I felt great about myself, boys were noticing me for the first time, I was pretty happy with life. Sometime in college I went off the meds because I couldn't stay awake without them and I didn't like that my body depended on them. Slowly the weight crept back on and it's been here ever since. The only minor health issues I have are PCOS and a mild case of sleep apnea. I'm super excited to dive into this sight and read on all these specific topics I've been wondering about. Here's my problem. I hope someone else can relate to this because I really don't know what to do about it. I have a big family and a big group of friends. I haven't told anyone I'm having surgery yet. I'm terrified to tell them. I've been going through this process for FIVE months and my surgery is in ELEVEN DAYS and I can't seem to work up the courage to tell people. My boyfriend knows, but no one else. Not my parents, not my BEST FRIEND. I told her I have something I need to talk to her about and I wanted to tell her in person. Pretty sure she thinks I'm dying or something. I feel like it will be the number one source of discussion in my social circle, everyone will be talking about it, and I feel like people will think less of me or something. I picture people in my head saying things like, "she wasn't THAT big, I think surgery was a bit of a drastic choice. She should have just worked out, she must be lazy", and stuff like that. This is going to sound so dumb, but in my head I keep thinking that if I just don't acknowledge that I'm over weight, no one will notice I'm fat. In my head I look like a totally normal sized woman. But then I see pictures of myself and sometimes it takes me a second to realize the fat person in the picture is me. So I just ignore it. I never talk about my weight, or say negative things about the way I look. Not because I have high self esteem, but because I feel like if I ignore it, it's not really true. I must sound insane. I have honestly considered googling stomach tumors and telling people I have some sort of benine abdominal tumor I'm having removed so I don't have to admit what I'm really doing. Please tell me someone else out there struggled with this, lol. I know 2 other girls who had this done in the past and they were perfectly comfortable telling everyone. But when I look at them, I don't see thin girls, I see the girls who had weight loss surgery, and it makes them less attractive in my opinion. How do I get over this fear of telling people? Why am I so ashamed?

I told no one except my husband, kids, parents and sister. This is your life, your body, your decision. At work they only knew I had to take off for medical reasons. One person actually asked me about it and I said hiatal hernia repair.

My parents and sister weren't told until one week prior. I am a very private person and I didn't want questions, comments, opinions, etc for weeks prior. I also didn't want people watching me eat post op thinking....hmmm should she be eating that? I also wasn't positive I would lose and maintain the loss and then be judged. I still have not told anyone. When people ask about my weight loss I say lots of gym time and low carb eating(which is true!)

I am not sure if any of this helped...but I think it is OK not to tell people if you do not want to.

Good luck with your surgery!

Very helpful, thank you. Like you touched on, I'm worried people will figure it out when I loose a lot of weight and put it together that I just had a "medical procedure". I'm stuck because I don't want to tell anyone, but I don't want to be dishonest about how I really lost weight either.

Telling people is such a personal choice - you get many opinions on this board about it. I did not feel comfortable shouting from the rooftops that I had surgery - when I chose to have surgery, I did not sign up to be a flag bearer for bariatric surgery.

Before surgery 18 months ago, I told 5 people - my husband, son, parents and good friend. Since surgery, I've told 2 people, my financial planner and best friend. I have no idea why I told my financial planner - it was a weird day and he asked me about losing weight and it just came out, even to the surprise of my husband. I told my best friend while we were on a hike and I just felt compelled to tell her - I felt like I was not being organic with her, so I told her and it felt good.

I do not feel compelled to tell other people, not even my brothers. I live in a small community that runs on gossip and rumor - I know if I told one person in the drop off line at school that the gossip would return to me by the end of day with most people that I know sharing in it. It's not worth it to me. I've done so much "house cleaning" during this process - ridding my life of people that suck the energy out of you and working on living a positive and healthy lifestyle, that being the center of gossip and rumor did not appeal to me.

My suggestion is to do what your gut tells you to do. I find me initial gut feeling is usually on and when I ignore it, I end up wishing I hadn't. Do some soul searching and decide who you want to tell and think about why you want to tell them. I wouldn't tell people "just because".

Best of luck to you!

Girl, I am weary to even post on here in fear of someone finding out. Probably irrational, but where I am at right now with it. I really didn't want my step-daughter to find out. I mean I am a low bmi'er, and I don't want her feeling like she always needs to diet or be thinner. At first I didn't tell my mother, she can be a bit judgmental at times, like all of the time. I did tell her when I returned from Mexico,after the surgery was finished and she seems to be dealing with it okay. Girl, like the other posters said, do what you feel is right. I don't think there is a wrong way to go about telling or not telling people.