Who all did you tell?

[Sunshine_Gal 68]

I told my partner, after all he's in this journey 24/7 with me. I told my family and some friends and neighbors. We live 1500 miles from family so I could have gotten by with not saying anything. Those that have know me for years know I have yo-yo'd year after year. Anyone that cares about me should be supportive but I agree you open yourself up. Even those that are closest to me are often times not very tackful (I think they just don't hear what comes out of their mouth or speak without even thinking).

I have Facebook but chose not to mention it there because, as was stated above, a lot on my FB are acquaintances were made through a hobby we share and not really friends and family that know me well. I did start a blog mymirrorsreflection.blogspot.com and share my struggles and accomplishments there.

This is nothing you should be ashamed of, those that criticize are those that have no idea how difficult this process is. it's not just go have surgery and voila get skinny, it's a daily process of changing our lives. When someone starts talking about my surgery I'm happy to let them know what it entails, most often they had no idea whatsoever how life altering it

Stand proud you've made the best decision for the rest of your life! Good luck and please keep of posted of your progress!

[Bandista 7,466]

I'm not ashamed (in fact I'm incredibly proud of myself!) but I feel like this is such a private thing for me so I told just a handful of people. There are a couple of friends I wish I hadn't told....

[Sweet Pee 349]

Just because some people choose not to share does not mean they are ashamed.

Some people are surrounded by toxic, unloving, selfish, mean people. They have already been bullied and belittled for being fat for a long time, and they know this treatment of abuse will continue if they tell about their decision to have weight loss surgery.

Each person circumstances are different and must be respected.

For me, my decision not to tell anyone has nothing to do with being ashamed of my surgery.

It has everything to do with the fact that I am a extremely shy person and I can not to talk to very many people, and do not like too many people talking to me.

Although I am very shy, I have made a lot of improvements through out my life, and continue to try to be more out going.

I just want everyone to know, just because some people choose not to share does not necessarily mean that they are ashamed, but it could be for a number of reasons.

At least we had the surgery. That is the most important thing. Taking control of our lives now — today, so we can have a better future tomorrow.

[KingMoose 238]

I don't think any of us implied that if you don't talk about having the surgery that automatically makes you ashamed of it. I believe that as part of us telling people is exactly that telling people how we took control of our lives and took "extreme" steps to lose our excess weight. It is also a way to explain and de-stigmatize the common thought that WLS is the easy way out. It allows you to explain your trials before using conventional diets and how this was your choice after a long line of failed attempts and the was just the natural progression since the aforementioned diets failed. I personally tell people because I want people to know that just because I had WLS it is an everyday lifestyle that I have to plan and choose the right things to eat and if I don't there are almost instantaneous reprocussions ie. dumping syndrome... whereas if I "cheated" before I do not feel those bad decisions. Also the fact that more than the way we eat and live our daily lives how much of the process is more a mental shift in the way we think overall not just as food for fuel but the way we view life itself.

Part of a lot of out journey has been to take control and change the support circles we have. Some of us have and are severing ties with those toxic relationships and surround ourselves with people who support and love us for who we are not what they think we should be. We have also because of the feeling of confidence we have gained through the process have "come out of our shells" and have taken control of our insecurities of shyness, self-esteem, skepticism... it is our life our decision and those who do not support us and our decision to better our lives for not only us but our family's.

I do not think anyone on this forum would ever think that not telling about your journey = ashamed, exactly the opposite that is part of you taking control of your life and only giving as much information about your private life as you feel comfortable with.

Remember that if we say something that is relevant to our journey does not mean that those who do not do it our way was wrong. Some people are so sensitive to their own personal views they are intolerant to others, and think it is an attack on their views. Which is not the case it is the over politically-correct way of thinking that everybody has to have the sunshine and roses view.

Instead of assuming that we who talk about ___ are automatically discrediting those who think ___. Why not just say: "that is good for you that you were able to do that, I am not in that place yet I have only told... because ___.

People stop being so defensive!

[BLUE63 11]

I TOLD one friend, no hubby no children. I AM 11 lbs from goal and so far no one has committed on the weight loss and that is the way I like it. I do not like to have a big fuss made either pro or con about the surgery. It was my decision to have the surgery and did not need or want others opinions. I have been very happy with my decision to have surgery and also not to share with other people my decision. As everyone is different I respect everyones opinion on how to handle their own decision.

[Sunshine_Gal 68]

Oh I must apologize that was a poor choice of words. I did not mean to imply any of you that have embarked on this journey is ashamed. I should have reread what I'd written more carefully before posting. I so agree with all of you that this is such a personal choice and one I'm sure we've all made after many hours of thought. It's not an easy step and we all know within ourselves those who are around us who will be supportive and those whom it is best to not say anything to. There's certainly no rights and wrongs about sharing or not sharing our WLS with others. We've made the choice to get healthier and that's the most important thing of all! Good luck everyone.

[BackSpin81 350]

I told supervisor so that I request FMLA and short term disability through HR, my mom and dad because they donated the $4000 I was missing to pay for the surgery, my dad told his wife (that pissed me off!), one close friend, 1 coworker, my landlord, and a slew of random strangers just for the heck of it. (If it comes up I disclose it.)

I chose not to tell anyone else because I was not sure of how successful I'll be with my weightloss. Plus I don't want anyone offering me any advice about things they don't know/understand, or watching my eating habits for ME.

[downsizingdiva 460]

FIANCE, DR, KIDS -NOONE ELSE ON THE PLANET

[downsizingdiva 460]

I HAVE TO SHARE THIS. I TOLD ONLY DR, FIANCE, AND MY KIDS, WHEN I WENT TO MY REGULAR DR, WHO SUGGESTED THE SURGERY, ABOUT TWO MONTHS OUT, WHEN HIS NURSE (WHO I KNOW OUTSIDE OF THE DR. OFFICE) FOUND OUT THAT I HAD THE SURGERY IN JANUARY, HER COMMENT WAS, " YOU'VE LOST 50 POUNDS, AND YOU HAD THE SURGERY, HERE I THOUGHT YOU HAD BEEN DIETING REALLY HARD". I HAD TO BRING IT TO HER ATTENTION THAT I LOST 30 ON MY OWN BEFORE SURGERY AND 20 AFTER SURGERY AND THAT YESI HAD BEEN WORKING HARD......SHE AND OTHER PEOPLE LIKE THE SURGERY IS JUST A BREEZE, TICKED ME OFF SO BAD. EVEN SOME PEOPLE IN THE MEDICAL PROFESSION DON'T UNDERSTAND IT AND VIEW IT AS THE EASY WAY OUT OR THE MAGIC WAND. I'M STILL ILL ABOUT IT AND SO GLAD I CHOSE NOT TO TELL ANYONE.

[Sunshine_Gal 68]

@@downsizingdiva You should have asked her to follow you around for a few days to see how 'not easy' it is and a total change of lifestyle. So few really get it and think it's just a magic bullet. I'm surprised that a nurse would have this reaction though you'd think she'd be more educated. Wow you've done marvelous at 50 pounds off!

[BackSpin81 350]

I HAVE TO SHARE THIS. I TOLD ONLY DR, FIANCE, AND MY KIDS, WHEN I WENT TO MY REGULAR DR, WHO SUGGESTED THE SURGERY, ABOUT TWO MONTHS OUT, WHEN HIS NURSE (WHO I KNOW OUTSIDE OF THE DR. OFFICE) FOUND OUT THAT I HAD THE SURGERY IN JANUARY, HER COMMENT WAS, " YOU'VE LOST 50 POUNDS, AND YOU HAD THE SURGERY, HERE I THOUGHT YOU HAD BEEN DIETING REALLY HARD". I HAD TO BRING IT TO HER ATTENTION THAT I LOST 30 ON MY OWN BEFORE SURGERY AND 20 AFTER SURGERY AND THAT YESI HAD BEEN WORKING HARD......SHE AND OTHER PEOPLE LIKE THE SURGERY IS JUST A BREEZE, TICKED ME OFF SO BAD. EVEN SOME PEOPLE IN THE MEDICAL PROFESSION DON'T UNDERSTAND IT AND VIEW IT AS THE EASY WAY OUT OR THE MAGIC WAND. I'M STILL ILL ABOUT IT AND SO GLAD I CHOSE NOT TO TELL ANYONE.

Yup, that's exactly why I limited the amount of people I told. This my journey, this is my life. The choices that I make are for me to understand, figure out, and work through. The last thing I need is someone assuming that having weight loss surgery was easy and my weight would magically fall off. Pffft!

I may add to my list of others I may tell (friends, family, etc). But as of right now I'm more focused on me and doing the right thing.

[blashlee 509]

My immediate family, my boyfriend (we live together), my closest friends, my two bosses at work.

Initially I thought about keeping it to myself and family only, but I realized my friends should know so that they can support me. Or at least know why my interest in going out with them has declined.

[IcanMakeit 1,319]

I told my entire family, my best friends and my best work friend. I don't believe it is necessary to discuss personal health matters with acquaintances. When a person who is overweight and seems to need help asks me about my weight loss, I should probably open up, but so far I haven't because I live in a very small gossipy town. (My family and friends don't live in my town.)

[Alex Brecher 10,516]

Faxxy,

This is a topic that comes up regularly. Don’t be embarrassed about WLS! Of course it can be embarrassing. We all want to succeed at everything we try, including lose weight. Especially lose weight, because it’s so visible. Everyone can see you! But it’s just not reality. The reality is, some of us have to fight obesity harder than others, and we need WLS to lose weight and get healthy.

If you chose not to have WLS and stay overweight, that would probably be something to be embarrassed about. But getting WLS and saving your life? Be proud!

And it’s certainly not an easy choice, so don’t feel like you’re going to be taking the easy way out. You’ll be working plenty hard at your diet.

Now, of course it’s your right to tell or not tell whomever you want. As you can see on this thread, everyone has their own reasons for telling or not telling certain people about WLS. As long as you are getting the WLS because YOU want to and YOU know it’s the right thing to do, that’s all that matters.

[B-52 7,113]

I told my Wife, obviously, and my Son and daughter...who are both in their 30;'s....and I asked them to keep it to themselves.

I did not want people making me a target of their attention, the talk of the office.

I took a week off from work, personal time.

After my heart attack and surgery, diabetes and bleak family history, (they're all gone due to obesity related illnesses) I tell people I had no choice...it was loose weight or die. LITERALLY!

That was over 4 years ago....after 2 years I lost all the weight, body fat%, learned to eat right for the first time in my life, became an exercise junkie, etc, in other words I completed the program....finished the "Journey" (still hate that term") I went through all the compliments, kudo's etc.....as though I did anything but agree to have surgery....

But Now, over 4 years later, it's old news...no one talks about it...the old friends and co-workers have forgotten I was obese and take the new me for granted, and the new people I meet such as new patients I see everyday, , etc, never knew me when I was fat.

Ironically, I sometimes have to remind people I was once over 100lbs heavier!!!

So in my opinion, it's all good. Needed corrective surgery, had it done, went threw a few years of "recovery", and now it's over, old news, no longer an issue.

I'm glad it worked out that way.