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I wasn't aware that I did not love myself. Only recently was I able to love the person who was -- the obese me I see in photographs from more than a decade ago, or even the overweight me I see in photos from 21-months ago. And once I loved that person who was, I loved the person who is.

It did not happen by chance. It took work. I have been doing the inner work since completing my plastic surgery, the work I guess I was supposed to do 12 years ago when I had my weight loss surgery. Back then we did not have comprehensive treatment teams to help us along. We had only a surgeon to change our anatomy. The rest was up to us.

I realized that because I did not know how to love myself, that I did not know how to love someone else, either. I have been blessed with some very wonderful people in my life. I buried my mother last month. She knew how to love better than anyone. Her love shone through in everything she did and everyone she touched. She was one of the very most wonderful people in my life.

John came to her funeral, He took the hours long drive in inclement weather up into the mountains in the middle of nowhere to the peaceful village where my parents live. He was a friend of the family since the age of 12 or 13, something like that. John also is one of the wonderful people in my life. He was my first love; I was 16 and he was 14. I had not seen him in 20 years. He held me tight in his arms and I cried. I felt like a little girl again in those moments, as if I was 16 and Mom was alive and life was simple again. I felt so safe. I did not want to let go. I did not want to return to reality. John did not say a word. He just held me for as long as I needed. I could feel the energy passing between our chests, our heart chakras, as we stood there.

It is amazing that love never dies. I don't know if I would have appreciate the enormity of John's act of love that day had I not been on this spiritual journey that I'd undertaken to transform my "inside" having completed transforming my "outside." And the memories came flooding back, all the things he did for me, expressions of his love for me, and I am amazed that such a young boy could have been such a man in these matters. He was more of a man at 14 than some men I have met in their 40s.

And I remember, too, all of the ways Mom showed us her love every day of her life until she became far to ill to communicate any longer.

And I recognized all the ways the men in my life expressed their love to me -- there were not many to be sure, just a few really special ones, and not all of them were lovers.

Have you done the inner work to love yourself? Have you had any transformative experiences?

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I feel like I'm on that path. I got into counseling a few months ago, not because of WLS, but because of a long overdue divorce on top of WLS on top of my children leaving the nest. My heart knew this work must be done. I am confident that although this year has been the hardest of my life so far, self love will be the outcome. Thanks for the thoughtful post. And my sincere sympathy on the loss of your wonderful mother.

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@JustWatchMe

I've read that crisis is the prelude to growth and transformation. Out of your pain you will emerge with unconditional love and acceptance.

One approach that I've found very enlightening is guided meditation.

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    • LeighaTR

      I am new here today... and only two weeks out from my sleeve surgery on the 23rd. I am amazed I have kept my calories down to 467 today so far... that leaves me almost 750 left for dinner and maybe a snack. This is going to be tough for two weeks... but I have to believe I can do it!
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Doughgurl

      Hey everyone. I'm new here so I thought I should introduce myself. I am 53y/o and am scheduled for Gastric Bypass on June 25th, 2025. I'm located in San Antonio, Texas. I will be having my surgery in Tiajuana Mexico. I've wanted this for years, but I always had insurance where bariatric procedures were excluded. Finally I am able to afford to pay out of pocket.  I can't wait to get started, and I hope I'm prepared for the initial period of "hell". I know what I have signed up for, but I'm sure the good to come will out way the temporary period of discomfort and feelings of regret. I'd love to find people to talk to who have been through the same procedure or experience before. So I look forward to meeting you all. Hope you have a great week!
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    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. LeighaTR

        I hope your surgery on Wednesday goes well. You will be able to do all sorts of new things as you find your new normal after surgery. I don't know this from experience yet, but I am seeing a lot of positive things from people who have had it done. Best of luck!

    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

    • CaseyP1011

      Officially here for a long time, not just a good time💪
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
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