I wasn't aware that I did not love myself. Only recently was I able to love the person who was -- the obese me I see in photographs from more than a decade ago, or even the overweight me I see in photos from 21-months ago. And once I loved that person who was, I loved the person who is.

It did not happen by chance. It took work. I have been doing the inner work since completing my plastic surgery, the work I guess I was supposed to do 12 years ago when I had my weight loss surgery. Back then we did not have comprehensive treatment teams to help us along. We had only a surgeon to change our anatomy. The rest was up to us.

I realized that because I did not know how to love myself, that I did not know how to love someone else, either. I have been blessed with some very wonderful people in my life. I buried my mother last month. She knew how to love better than anyone. Her love shone through in everything she did and everyone she touched. She was one of the very most wonderful people in my life.

John came to her funeral, He took the hours long drive in inclement weather up into the mountains in the middle of nowhere to the peaceful village where my parents live. He was a friend of the family since the age of 12 or 13, something like that. John also is one of the wonderful people in my life. He was my first love; I was 16 and he was 14. I had not seen him in 20 years. He held me tight in his arms and I cried. I felt like a little girl again in those moments, as if I was 16 and Mom was alive and life was simple again. I felt so safe. I did not want to let go. I did not want to return to reality. John did not say a word. He just held me for as long as I needed. I could feel the energy passing between our chests, our heart chakras, as we stood there.

It is amazing that love never dies. I don't know if I would have appreciate the enormity of John's act of love that day had I not been on this spiritual journey that I'd undertaken to transform my "inside" having completed transforming my "outside." And the memories came flooding back, all the things he did for me, expressions of his love for me, and I am amazed that such a young boy could have been such a man in these matters. He was more of a man at 14 than some men I have met in their 40s.

And I remember, too, all of the ways Mom showed us her love every day of her life until she became far to ill to communicate any longer.

And I recognized all the ways the men in my life expressed their love to me -- there were not many to be sure, just a few really special ones, and not all of them were lovers.

Have you done the inner work to love yourself? Have you had any transformative experiences?

I feel like I'm on that path. I got into counseling a few months ago, not because of WLS, but because of a long overdue divorce on top of WLS on top of my children leaving the nest. My heart knew this work must be done. I am confident that although this year has been the hardest of my life so far, self love will be the outcome. Thanks for the thoughtful post. And my sincere sympathy on the loss of your wonderful mother.

@JustWatchMe

I've read that crisis is the prelude to growth and transformation. Out of your pain you will emerge with unconditional love and acceptance.

One approach that I've found very enlightening is guided meditation.