How do you explain?

[MadameX 3]

Hi! I'm new here. Have been reading for a couple of months but decided to sign up today. My first consultation is on Jan 29 and I'm pretty sure I'm going with a sleeve. Was first interested in the bypass but after reading and researching I think the sleeve is a better fit for me.

I had lunch with a close friend today who knows about my decision to have WLS. She is totally against it which I respect but she keeps coming up with these weird facts like all people that have wls regain the weight, etc...and, also, that if I just put my mind to it and exercised and watched what I eat I'd lose the weight naturally. Oh, and that I just want to do the surgery to be skinny...Sigh........

I have struggled almost all of my adult age with my weight and have developed high blood pressure which scares me. My body is starting to feel the extra weight. I had spinal surgery 2011 (laminectomy c5&6) and need to get the extra weight off for the sake of my spine. I turn 50 this year and want to start the next 50 years healthier!

I guess what I want to say is how do you make people understand? I realize that from her point of view it is hard to understand why someone would do something so drastic to their body. But my health is starting to scare me. I never used to think about it but after my spinal surgery it's been kind of downhill....

I haven't told my mother or parents in law. Just my husband and close friends know about my plans for now. I don't want everyone to focus on the weight loss but on how much healthier I'll be. Maybe it was a mistake telling people except for my husband. I can feel myself already getting irritated by all of the questions about how much weight I've lost!

I think I've rambled enough! Haha : )

[amazon 579]

Welcome!

Who folks decide to tell about their surgery plans varies greatly. It's a topic that I've seen come up many times. What it comes down to is tell (or don't tell) whom ever you chose. You're the one who has to deal with what comes with it.

As far as convincing your friend, you won't. She'll either shut up about it and support you, or be a nag. If it were my friend, I'd tell her that the decision is mine and my dr's and put an end to it. Perhaps she's clueless that what's she's saying in NOT supportive, although probably comes from care and concern for you.

As you said, you're doing this to be healthy. That's why I did it, and I would do it again in a heartbeat.

As you go through this there's going to be comments and questions. You are going to have to learn how to deal with all of that - seems to come with the territory. But it's SO worth it.

Best of luck with your journey!

[MadameX 3]

Hi!

Thank you for your reply. Yes, she isn't being mean I think she is scared for me and I've told her I appreciate her concern but just as I respect her opinion she must respect my choice. But the weird things she is coming up with sometimes are getting old. I live in Sweden so there isn't as much info online in Swedish as in English. I think someone that has never struggled with their weight has a hard time relating to something that comes naturally to them.

It's good to hear you'd do it again. I think I'll end up wishing id done this earlier..which I almost did in 2009 when we lived in the US. I chickened out because I was afraid of anesthesia but now I know it's nothing to be afraid of.

[laurenella82 625]

I have told some people and I have decided not to tell anyone else because I don't want to have to explain it a thousand times.

What I find is that people who have never had a struggle with their weight think that it's as simple as eating right and exercising for everybody and it's not!. People who know nothing about WLS will tell you all the things they heard other people say and never take the time to research it themselves. What I would say to you is to stop explaining and just ask that those who know be supportive and those that don't, let them guess about it and admire your progress and hard work!

[MadameX 3]

Yes, I am coming to that conclusion myself. I thought I would be open and honest about it because it's always nice to get support but it just seems to be a can of worms! Haha!

[Thinthoughts 23]

Just stop discussing it with her. Once you've lost 50 pounds and more, she'll get it. If she's a true friend, then once she sees your new happiness and health she'll totally get it. Good luck!

[mrs kaje 347]

I agree with the above - just stop talking about it with her. Change the subject every time she mentions it and she'll soon get the message.

[MadameX 3]

I certainly don't bring up the subject. She is just concerned for me and we have agreed to disagree. I respect her opinions and vice versa. In the end it's up to me. Going to meet the surgeon and nutritionist on the 29th. : )

[livvsmum 2,370]

I agree with what the others have said. My mom was a totally non-believer and did the same thing as your friend. She would tell me about all of the scary facts she heard about WLS, and Sharon Osborne wishes she wouldn't have had it (lol), and gee...haven't you thought about trying a diet?

After a while I just had to tell her that the decision has been made, I would appreciate her support, but the topic is officially off the table for discussion.

Even to this day when she comes to visit she brings loads of junk food and I swear she is trying to sabotage me. I think it's not possible in some cases to change what people think, but you can decide the extent to which you will let their opinions have an impact on you.

[katcycler 95]

This is your life, your health, and your decision. You should make the decision to have surgery on what you want. Your friends and family will get onboard with it eventually. I turned 60 last May and made the decision to have surgery for me and my health. Many people tried to dissuade me and especially when I started losing weight as I was preparing for surgery, but I just told them that losing weight wasn't the problem. Keeping it off was and the surgery gave me the best option for keeping the weight off. It's not about them. It's about you. I was sleeved November 26 and I have no regrets and my family and friends are supportive and respect my decision now. No more negativity. Make this decision for you!

[peki31 37]

Most people I've told have been very supportive. Those who aren't said things like why do you need to have this. My answer is always "because I want it, end of story". I don't engage anyone like this in deeper conversation about the surgery.

[Rogofulm 2,440]

Hopefully your friend is the outlier and not the norm. My experience has been very different. I've told anyone who asked. and everybody has been supportive, at least to my face. Arm yourself with some facts, like it is now widely recognized as the most effective way of losing a large amount of weight, and keeping it off. One technique I've used is to ask them if they know about the 3 different types of bariatric surgery. They don't. So I offer to tell them about them. Then they're hooked. People find the topic fascinating, and once they're reeled in, they get excited for you. Give it a try, and good luck!

[brennasmom 24]

She should be honored you chose her your most trusted friend to share your life changing moment with her. If you remind her of that just add that one of the qualities you admire about her is her non judgement support she have come to rely on and a major factor in sharing this news with her

[MadameX 3]

I've had the opposite reaction! Most are not positive when I tell them which really, really surprised me. I live in Sweden (I'm from US) though and weight loss surgery isn't at all as common here in the US. There have been some programs on tv and articles in the paper sensationalizing negative experiences after surgery and I think that's is probably about all most people know about wls here.

Thank you for that, @@brennasmom!! : )

[shellyd88 463]

No one else is having to live in your body with whatever effects it's having on your life therefore the most important opinion is your own u carry it a around u deal with the pain or limitations no one else ppl who don't have these issues can't really understand if it were as simple as just eat less etc etc no one would be overweight in the first place so don't listen to all the negative remarks when ppl do that change subject Or shut it down make it clear that it's not up for argument