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Feel like a grinch



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Got past my late husband's first birthday. The 18th of dec

Then my 60th yesterday. Kinda surprised I got NO birthday wishes here. Guess I know who tries to remember birthdays.....Sigh. Jealous I guess....a peon I suppose

Now today Xmas eve and tomorrow the end of the emotional marathon

2015 sounds better

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Got past my late husband's first birthday. The 18th of dec

Then my 60th yesterday. Kinda surprised I got NO birthday wishes here. Guess I know who tries to remember birthdays.....Sigh. Jealous I guess....a peon I suppose

Now today Xmas eve and tomorrow the end of the emotional marathon

2015 sounds better

Happy Belated Birthday. I hope your 2015 and years to follow become uplifting, positive, and bring you happiness. You are in my thoughts.

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Happy belated birthday. Sorry it's late!

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Happy Birthday Julie. All you need to do is get past these tough times. It may take a few years till this time of the year gets easier, but I promise it will. My late husband's birthday and our anniversary were five days apart...June 18th and June 23rd. It took a long time for that week to not bother me the way it did at the beginning.

You have to do what feels right to you but I always wished my husband a happy birthday and a happy anniversary. It always made me feel a little better to acknowledge those days and move on.

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Thank you ????????. Trying to move thru my pity party breakdown.... Think it might be part of the healing????

Gasping for 2015

See the (adult) kids tomorrow too. Cheers me up. They requested moms meatloaf????. Italian and all...

But still. Made a fire and the lights are nice????enjoying them. Or the cocktail...hmmm

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Julie, what is it about meatloaf? Feels like love. My kids wanted my meatloaf this week too. We've had a hard year but we're doing okay. I understand the birthday feelings. My husband was so cold on my birthday every year. It made me feel bad. Holidays and anniversaries are for two or more people. Birthdays are just for you. He was an ass and selfish and it always hurt my feelings. One good thing about Christmas shopping this year is I didn't have to shop for gifts that he would deliberately not open or let sit for six months. Such passive aggressive shit. Just aggressive actually. I'm sorry to go off. I wonder if l'll ever have a relationship that's two directional. One can hope. Okay, enough Christmas Eve wine. Lol.

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Julie,

I don't know about the loss of a spouse but yes Christmas has challenges. It is two days after the holiday that my mother passed away after a very long illness. Being a caregiver for all of my adult life created it's own issues but what I know is that we all cope in our own way. I used food and other substances for years. I've been clean/sober for almost 20 years and here I sit with 90 plus days into being banded and still struggling with the food addiction. The new year will be here soon enough and then it's one foot in front of the other as it always has been right? I hope you find freedom from this sadness that dwells within you right now. I hope the new year brings you a new freedom and a new happiness.

Juli

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Sorry, just read your posts now, sending you hugs and late birthday wishes !!! Anniversaries of some sort are hard on everyone, that special day meant something to you for some reason. Maybe try to remember the good things about that person, and maybe try to do something in his honor ? Maybe you could pick an organization or a hobby your late husband had , and donate some time or money towards someone who is in need ? That would be a way to honor his memory, and make it a little easier to cooe with yoyr loss. ? Every year in February ( her birthday) I send a small check to a certain Animal Rescue group that my late friend volunteered at. Everybody wins. Her memorial service was 3 yrs ago, a few days before my WLS. Ironic, was' nt it ? She had just lost her life to cancer, I was getting a new chance to live a healthier life. I try to remember those things and honor her life and others I have lost too. I wish you well. Hugs !!!!

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Thank you dahlia dahling. Animal organizations work for me. He wanted firefighters Of course he got his wish (and will) completed to his instructions. Got a kick he wanted his remains in Lake Tahoe. Where we met. Ha. It was illegal and so I did it smiling and crying

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How are you doing Julie? Hope your new year is a happy one!

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Thank you for asking about the new year! The first birthday/Christmas with out my husband was the hardest thing I've ever done. But it is a new year. I turned 60 and I hVe plans to go to Hawaii soon.

Much better. I've turned a bit of a corner ????

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Hawaii...how wonderful. Just one thing Julie..this is not always a linear journey so don't be surprised if you feel like you are going in the wrong direction. It happens and you just have to make it through. It will get better again and this is just the way it will be for a long time. Eventually, the better times will be longer and longer and you will come to an acceptance I hope. That's when you'll know that you will not only survive, but even be happy again. I promise it will happen.

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Thank you walker.

You are such an insightful person. I truly appreciate the truth from those that have been through widowhood and back. Seems like the fog has lifted a bit.....still trying to get thru

My health is wonderful. That is the most positive thing I can say and my kids are coming Sunday for a family luncheon.

Thanks again. I value your posts toake me laugh. And cry

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Thank you for asking about the new year! The first birthday/Christmas with out my husband was the hardest thing I've ever done. But it is a new year. I turned 60 and I hVe plans to go to Hawaii soon.

Much better. I've turned a bit of a corner ????

Glad to hear you are feeling better! I am even happier to see you are taking a nice trip. It is important to take care of yourself! Have a safe, fun, and relaxing trip!

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Enjoy your children. Mine are my life line

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    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

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