How can I convince my husband to consider weight loss surgery?

[Chelly 364]

Hi

I was always overweight or obese from childhood on.

Yes I lost weight a couple of times but always put it back on and then some.

I never considered bypass surgery until last year when as they say a light bulb went off in my head that I wanted to get healthier then I was.

I lost my father when he was 56, my brother when he was 43 and last my mom and she was 83. They were all overweight. For my father and brother that contributed to their dying so young.

I didn't want that for me.

I think that for your husband you need him to know how much you love him and respect his wishes first.

I agree with everyone about either getting him on here or to a bariatric meeting if all possible.

Do things about this in small dosages or you might not get through to him.

Has he had any health issues beside sleep apnea?

Has his doctor warned him about his health?

I wouldn't if I were you hound him about starting a family because he probably already feelings pressure about that. That pressure makes for bad feelings towards each other. You from what you said have ill feelings already.

He has to take small steps towards this and small steps are better then no steps at all.

Love him and support him as much as you can and then some.

Go slow and don't shove this at him for he will back off even more and never consider it at all.

No one can do this for him but him.

Take care of yourself and him.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

I would have been deeply resentful of anyone who pushed WLS on me before I was ready. This is something that I needed, but was such a personal decision that I can't even imagine how I would have felt if someone I loved was on a Quest to convince me to do it.

Added to that emotional side of things, this surgery is a lifelong commitment to good choices and small portions. Even if you could "talk him into it", you can't eat, exercise or limit portions for him. That's something he has to be 100% committed to even when things are tough physically and emotionally.

It's my opinion that you can do no more than offer to go to a seminar with him so that he can learn about his options. Any more than that and you are treading on rough territory. I know your heart is in the right place and it's clear that you love him and want him around forever, but the more you push this decision, the more likely he is to push it away.

[Sleevarilla 169]

He is a grown man who should get to make this very personal decision on his own. How would you feel if he pushed you to do something you didn't want to do ... like maybe get a boob job or a nose job? Nagging never works. Mention it, and then back off. If he's interested, I'm sure he knows how to research it. If he doesn't want to consider it, then respect his decision or leave. It's really that simple. If he's not 100% committed to the lifestyle changes that come with this, and he does it only to please you, I suspect that there will be much misery in your future. I can't believe all these posts that are telling you how to manipulate this man into doing what you think is best. Seriously? Manipulation is never good. Look at all the stress in his life recently ... do you really want to add the stress of a partner pushing something he doesn't want? Give the man a break!

Edited September 22, 2014 by Sleevarilla

[☠carolinagirl☠ 18,722]

My husband is the most amazing guy -- funny, kind, thoughtful, smart, adorable -- but he's struggled with his weight all of his life. Literally since the day he was born. I think for him a lot of it is genetic (his mom struggled and lots of his cousins do too) and also that he grew up in a household that revolved around food (his parents came to the U.S. from Italy when he was little and I think turned to food as a way to make up for their loneliness here). He turns to food when he's sad and he's had lots of really tough things happen to him in life, particuarly in the last five years or so.

Although he's lost weight before, he wasn't able to keep it off. He's 43 now and close to 400 lbs. and I'm so scared for his health. He's a tall, solid guy, with the weight really evenly distributed, so he doesn't look like he could weigh that much, but I know it's too much for him and I'm really worried for his health. He already has sleep apnea and high blood pressure. I'm 32 and we've been trying to start a family without any luck and it's been really hard on our relationoship. I don't know if his weight is a factor in that, but I'm afraid it might be.

I've been trying to get him to consider weight loss surgery but he gets so upset any time I mention it. He says he's lost the weight on his own before and that he can do it again. But he's been promising me he'll lose weight for years and I think it's just too much for him to do on his own. I've tried to be supportive (encourage him to come walk the dogs with me, be supportive emotionally, etc.) but it doesn't help and I'm starting to feel resentful and angry. Like shouldn't he do this out of his love for me? Rather than potentially lose 15 years off of his life and leave me alone?

If anyone has any ideas of how I could help convince him or support him in the process I would be so grateful for any suggestions. I feel like his weight is destroying him and I can't stand to watch him suffer like that.

i think anyone with a weight issue knows it

and if someone would have told my 5'1 and 336 pound self i needed to have WLS

i would have died of embarrassment/shame and been mortified someone had the balls to say that to me...

support that person

you mentioned it..now it is up to him as others have said to make that choice

because that person has to do it...my hub before surgery could have said/done and danced around me naked promising he will take out the trash if i had WLS but until i hit the bottom (me not being able to walk or wipe my butt) it was not going to happen.

how about cooking healthier..how about going for walks and how about let him

know you want him to live forever and to do that, he and you need to be more active and eat better......and see what happens.

all the best

[Lexibelle 18]

My husband is the most amazing guy -- funny, kind, thoughtful, smart, adorable -- but he's struggled with his weight all of his life. Literally since the day he was born. I think for him a lot of it is genetic (his mom struggled and lots of his cousins do too) and also that he grew up in a household that revolved around food (his parents came to the U.S. from Italy when he was little and I think turned to food as a way to make up for their loneliness here). He turns to food when he's sad and he's had lots of really tough things happen to him in life, particuarly in the last five years or so.

Although he's lost weight before, he wasn't able to keep it off. He's 43 now and close to 400 lbs. and I'm so scared for his health. He's a tall, solid guy, with the weight really evenly distributed, so he doesn't look like he could weigh that much, but I know it's too much for him and I'm really worried for his health. He already has sleep apnea and high blood pressure. I'm 32 and we've been trying to start a family without any luck and it's been really hard on our relationoship. I don't know if his weight is a factor in that, but I'm afraid it might be.

I've been trying to get him to consider weight loss surgery but he gets so upset any time I mention it. He says he's lost the weight on his own before and that he can do it again. But he's been promising me he'll lose weight for years and I think it's just too much for him to do on his own. I've tried to be supportive (encourage him to come walk the dogs with me, be supportive emotionally, etc.) but it doesn't help and I'm starting to feel resentful and angry. Like shouldn't he do this out of his love for me? Rather than potentially lose 15 years off of his life and leave me alone?

If anyone has any ideas of how I could help convince him or support him in the process I would be so grateful for any suggestions. I feel like his weight is destroying him and I can't stand to watch him suffer like that.

So, it's possible I'm not going to be as touchy-feely as others, so I apologize ahead of time. I don't mean to sound harsh and my tone is one of genuine concern and understanding. Please understand that.

Okay, so having dealt with this personally - my first suggestion is going to be to explore the reason you're having trouble getting pregnant rather than focusing on your husband having major surgery. Male infertility isn't often hugely linked to weight and it could simply be hormonal or anatomical. It could also not be an issue on his end at all. Either way, getting to a fertility doctor will help you get the answers and point you in the right direction.

This will solve two problems. The first is, if it is a problem on his end and weight loss might help, the doctors can tell him and it may provide extra motivation to lose weight (surgically or otherwise). The second is, if it's not a problem on his end or if weight isn't a factor, then you can get pregnant and won't resent him anymore for not being able to get pregnant. As an extra added bonus, suddenly having that little life to take care of is often good motivation to get people to take a closer look and deeper interest in their own health.

Once that's all out of the way, then address your concerns for his health and take the other advice here. However - don't be angry at him if it doesn't work or he's not doing it for you. WLS HAS to be a decision that he makes for himself - plain and simple. As a wife, I understand how it seems selfish for someone not to want to extend their life so they'll be with you longer - however it's equally selfish to expect someone to have a major, life-altering surgery for your own benefit. Hopefully that makes sense. When I started looking at WLS I never once pushed the idea on my husband or made him feel like it was something he had to do. He made the decision to join me at the seminar, meet the doctor and pursue it on his own.

In the end, while he's your partner (hopefully for life), it's also his body for life. It needs to be his decision 100% - otherwise if something goes wrong or he finds himself miserable (read the failed surgery or regret forums), the blame will go toward the person he views as having pressured him into something he may not have been ready to do yet.

The best thing you can do is be his partner, his supporter. Create a healthy environment for him to live in. If you have to, tell him it's for YOU to improve your chances of getting pregnant (maternal health does play a huge roll). Keep both of you busy with things that keep you active when possible - around the house and otherwise. Taking the dog for a walk feels like exercise - exploring a new area of town or building something outside (garden, porch, etc) doesn't as much.

Either way good luck. I don't know how long you've been struggling to get pregnant, but I understand the toll it takes and wish you both lots of luck and baby dust.