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Sucks to be a Newbie and be considered Offensive



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I made a comment yesterday about not being able to conceive of people who would put their surgery at risk by drinking alcohol or eating a burger so quickly after surgery... It got a lot of feedback, most of it negative. I'm so sorry. It was never my intent to offend anyone, and clearly...I don't know too much of the emotional piece of this lifestyle change. I thought I was well informed about the mechanics of the procedure and the aftermath, however, I guess I'm not. I'm just trying to get healthy and fit so that my retirement with my husband (who is 8 years younger than I am - He's 55, I'm 63), will be as enjoyable and full of activities as possible. I have RA, Psoriatic Arthritis, Sciatica, Fibromyalgia, and a Meningioma in my brain. I am - yes - a little vain and have been asking questions about excessive skin because I'm frightened of the rash and pain that can be associated with it. But mostly...I'm afraid of the unknown. No matter how much you think you know and have read about it, you can't know til you are out of recovery. I'm nervous and anxious awaiting the approval from insurance and surgery date.

I want to publicly apologize to anyone who I may have hurt or offended. Again...it was not my intent.

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Sandstress51,

I just read the string of posts you are referring to. I think many people are coming to this site in a heightened emotional state. People are in different stages of the process--going through the required supervised weight loss, getting all the pre-op work done, waiting for approval, getting approval and setting a date, going through surgery, recovery and subsequent absolute utter complete life changes. During all those stages we are all under a tremendous amount of stress. I think during all the stages peoples emotions are so raw and near the surface that things which would otherwise not bother us--set some people off. People who have not undergone a COMPLETE lifestyle change have no clue just how stressful it is. I don't have any answers but that is my theory as to why some posts turn more negative.

I hope your surgery goes well and you have an easy recovery.

Blessings,

Kathleen

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This is a site that offers information, experiences and compassion. However! There are those who do not know how to write their feelings down with tact. There are those that sugar coat everything and others that hit you right between the eyes.

Don't apologize for your point of view but be prepared for several view points on what you say. You are not wrong in your thinking as far as being so soon out of surgery to do those things. But it is out there as a question and a fact. A learning example of experience or knowledge of the procedure.

Continue to question or relate your knowledge as you experience it and take no comments personally.

There are thousands of people on here in different stages of surgery and like the poster said before some are emotional wrecks. Some just want to do what they want. Others are really wanting to know what to do. And others somewhere in between.

Nothing regarding WLS has prepared me for it more then experiencing it. But that is just me. I don't think that you need to feel bad unless you name called.....

Don't pull away. Just find what you need on here as others do and stay away from the bullies. They are on every forum. But there are a lot of helpful, well meaning people on here that truly want to help..... :)

Edited by RJ'S/beginning

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Thanks Kat! I needed that. I'm not ashamed to say that I am very scared of how stressful it will be to adjust to the lifestyle change. I'm concerned about stupid crap like wrinkles and excess skin when I should be focusing on how I'm going to get through the change in habits. I'm not and have never been a big eater, and I do eat healthy foods, but I am also a lover of sweets. That coupled with the difficulty in moving has led to almost no exercise at all except for occasional walking. I walk in Grand Central Terminal to and from my office and that's about it. Advice please!!!

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Thank you RJ. I will keep your kind and helpful words in mind as I continue to visit this forum. :)

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Don't sweat the small the stuff. No one will remember in a day or two. Welcome and don't worry too much about loose skin. I have previously lost most of my weight and gotten down to around 155 (oh yes, I gained it all back thankyouverymuch which is why I'm here and getting surgery) and I had a little loose skin but it wasn't excessive or painful. And I didn't have any rashes or anything. It was nothing a little Spanx couldn't fix. It's better to feel good, be healthy and look good in clothing.

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Thanks Kat! I needed that. I'm not ashamed to say that I am very scared of how stressful it will be to adjust to the lifestyle change. I'm concerned about stupid crap like wrinkles and excess skin when I should be focusing on how I'm going to get through the change in habits. I'm not and have never been a big eater, and I do eat healthy foods, but I am also a lover of sweets. That coupled with the difficulty in moving has led to almost no exercise at all except for occasional walking. I walk in Grand Central Terminal to and from my office and that's about it. Advice please!!!

You're welcome. Like RJ said everyone is different in how they have conversations. I've lost 100 pounds and my excess skin doesn't bother me but I'm not one to wear a bikini in public ;) . I do wear a swimsuit about 3 to 5 times a week--a one piece for me. I will confess, I have had non-surgical work on my face and neck. I was getting Botox before surgery and after surgery I had the procedure where they use radio waves to tighten the skin on the neck. It has worked but not as well as surgery would. I'm saving money and if I can save enough, I'll have plastic surgery probably only on my "bat wings". I can live with my stomach and legs for now. To me, they don't look that bad. If I can save enough money in a few years I'll have more plastic surgery. I don't have any medical conditions that would cause my insurance to cover it--so I'll be financing it myself.

The reason I get in the pool is because no way in Hades could I do on land what I can do in the Water. I have so many orthopedic problems I can't exercise any other way. Walking is GREAT exercise if you can do it. Before I had to start using the pool, I was walking several miles at a time. If your body can tolerate it--keep walking and as you lose weight--up the distance. Walking is one of the least expensive ways to exercise since you usually only need a good supportive pair of shoes.

I wish you the best,

Kathleen

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I made a comment yesterday about not being able to conceive of people who would put their surgery at risk by drinking alcohol or eating a burger so quickly after surgery... It got a lot of feedback, most of it negative. I'm so sorry. It was never my intent to offend anyone, and clearly...I don't know too much of the emotional piece of this lifestyle change. I thought I was well informed about the mechanics of the procedure and the aftermath, however, I guess I'm not. I'm just trying to get healthy and fit so that my retirement with my husband (who is 8 years younger than I am - He's 55, I'm 63), will be as enjoyable and full of activities as possible. I have RA, Psoriatic Arthritis, Sciatica, Fibromyalgia, and a Meningioma in my brain. I am - yes - a little vain and have been asking questions about excessive skin because I'm frightened of the rash and pain that can be associated with it. But mostly...I'm afraid of the unknown. No matter how much you think you know and have read about it, you can't know til you are out of recovery. I'm nervous and anxious awaiting the approval from insurance and surgery date.

I want to publicly apologize to anyone who I may have hurt or offended. Again...it was not my intent.

No need to apologize here, just move on! I have learned to do that here, sometimes we just say something and boom, it hits a nerve with someone. My husband and I were both sleeved, and it has truly changed our lives. We were terrified of the unknown, but the alternative was sitting in our recliners dying by not being able to do anything. There is a lot of support here. You will be able to contribute to help someone else so hang in here, Life will be sooooooo good!

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If i can offer you some advice as a VGS sucess story and a blogger for 10 years, TYPE WHAT YOU FEEL. If what you are experiencing is motivating you to write for help, clearing your conscious, entertainment, or whatever...you shouldn't have to apologize for your feelings. I hope you don't feel like you owe anyone anything by stating your opinions, especially when you weren't intending to offend/harm someone else. You be you.

Edited by matt1912

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Well, you know the old addage "It's the bit dog that barks!" I think you were "Spot" on...pun intended.

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I'm kinda with you on not understanding why people are so clueless about some things.. I didn't go through with surgery to just go back to what was I was doing before. That's what got me in this mess to begin with! But.. that's me. And honestly, sometimes it's one of those things that's easier said than done. Also, I do realize that not every surgeon is as concerned about educating their patients as they should be and not every person is a proactive learner though. There are so many factors at play, everyone's experience can be incredibly different.. So while I don't totally get it, I also try not to judge too much either. I figure that's what this place is for.. a mix of people sharing their opinions and at least trying to learn something from it. I'm also of the mindset that sometimes people need a helping hand to guide them, and sometimes they need a swift kick in the ass to straighten them out. No need to apologize!

Anyway.. as far as excess skin goes, don't let anyone make you feel like you have to justify your reasons for worrying about it. It's a normal thing to be concerned about. I started out at 260 and am currently 172. I do have some loose skin. I don't necessarily like it, but it doesn't hang as much as it used to when it was filled with fat. I look and feel SO much better than I did before.. especially in clothes, no one can tell. So.. yeah. I don't have a perfect body naked, but it's still an improvement over what it used to be--loose skin and all.

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I didn't take any offense nor did I intend any negativity. You are entitled to your opinion that's what makes the site so helpful to so many people, the differences. I had to learn to expect people not only to agree but disagree with my opinions and move on. Good luck on your journey!

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My hubby has been a real help to me. He says all the time when I talk about the loose skin. We are not there yet. What he means is deal with the first step and then the second and then the third. and so on....One step at a time. One issue at a time. Health. Fixing your relationship with food. Loving yourself. Taking care of you. And so on. Learning to eat clean. All these things need to be addressed before skin.

I am almost 2 years out and now I have 2 appointments with plastics....I am excited but scared to death about that...My record has not been good in this journey for complications...but I will go forward and just keep swimming.....

And so should you!

One thing is that we never know what we consume until we really start the process. We don't realize that our metabolism is on the fritz.

Did you know that a 600 lb person can live easily on 300 calories a day without losing weight because of the shut down of their metabolism. So that could be the issue right there.....Your team will know how to help and we are here to encourage you to move forward and keep positive no matter what! :)

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Trouble with a lot of people is they hate reality or truth of the matter. Hang in there and dont worry. Welcome :)

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Sandstress we're all moving on the same road to a goal. Some hit pot holes, some speed bumps, others run and still others crawl but we do it our way. None the same. We're all different but want a similar outcome to be healthier and at a good weight for us though this surgery.

I'm sure you didn't mean to say anything to criticize any person and it takes a lot of courage to apologize to a group.

You'll do fine and good luck with your surgery.

One of my favorite sayings is:

I don't take anything personal unless it's a compliment.

Edited by Shersun

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