Convincing My Husband

[JamieLogical 8,684]

I am having a tough time convincing my husband that surgery is the right answer for me. He's convinced I can lose the weight "on my own" because I have done it before. I've tried explaining to him that losing the weight isn't the problem (though it is definitely a huge challenge), it's keeping it off that i now KNOW I just can't do. I know it's possible to regain weight after VSG but the information I've research has all shown that while s significant number of patients do gain some weight back, they don't gain nearly ALL of it back. If I lose 100 pounds and ultimately gain 20 of it back, I'm still down 80 pounds! Unlike my past yoyo dieting, where I have invariably gained all the weight back plus some.

I'm 35 years old. I don't remember a time since middle school where I haven't been on a diet, failing a diet, planning to diet again, etc. My weight is a constant source of stress and anxiety for me. But my husband doesn't get it. He doesn't struggle with his weight. Early on in our relationship he packed on some pounds because he was content, we were eating out a lot, and my unhealthy habits rubbed off on him. But his doctor told him he needed to lose some weight so he just started exercising three times a week and eating better and viola, he dropped the weight an hasn't put it back on. It was so easy for him, he thinks it should be that easy for me. He's not emotional the way I am. He doesn't come home from work after a bad day and just want to skip his workout and eat a tub of ice cream. So he doesn't know what it's like to constantly be battling himself.

Do any of you have any advice on how to make him understand? He is a very good and loving man. I know he'll support me in whatever decision I make. I just wish I could get him more "on board" with really seeing that this is the best decision for me. I don't just want his acceptance. I want his understanding. If that makes any sense?

[Momof2inIowa 195]

when I told my husband that this is a choice I wanted to look into he felt the same way, he said maybe I should diet and excersize for a few more years before making a decision like this. I told him I have been working at it for the past 5 years...nothing is changing, my knees are hurting,I have constant migraines...I need to do something now. I showed him all of the research that I did, showed him the pros and cons of the option I selected (Sleeve) and why it's safe. After showing him all of that data he was 100% behind me and my decision. I know it's scary for them because they dont' want to lose us, or see us hurting, just show him that it's all ok. I am 33 and I will be 3 months out of surgery on 7/30, I am already down 65 lbs and feel AWESOME! I know you can do it! good luck!

[Brightfuture058 26]

My husband saw the pain I was in from my hips and knees, so he has supported me through this entire process. But he was really worried about me. This is not just a physically challenging process but a mental challenge as well. So he really worried about me. But its been almost 6 months now and my husband can see the difference in me, No More Pain. Its amazing. Good luck with your decision.

[BeagleLover 1,020]

@@JamieLogical I totally agree with you, being heavy IS a burden--- and you're 35! Carrying all that weight as you age gets worse and worse, with potential serious co-morbidities-- diabetes, heart problems, joint probems/replacements, sleep apnea to name a few. One of my doctors told me that my excess weight (BMI of 38) would take 10 years off my life! People's bodies just work differently. I fully support you in your wanting to get your husband on board.

Having said that, it sounds as though you are having some trouble with emotional eating. Many of us are or have been in this boat. This book really helped me:

"Emotional First + Aid" by Cynthia Alexander (the bariatric one).

Best wishes and hope everything gets resolved and let us know how it goes.

[BladeFox 235]

I feel your body is your body, however, if you need to hear it from him that he supports your decision, then this is a system that you have set up between the two of you. I would stress with him the difference of being overweight and unhealthy as opposed to being the correct weight and healthy and what that will mean for the both of you. Share with him the symptoms of yo-yo dieting and how that wrecks havoc on the heart. Still, I say that you should discuss what really matters in this weight loss battle and not so much about the surgery as an isolated matter. Take him to the information session and let him ask questions (if he will go) and get on You Tube to show him the many videos that are out there about the procedure. He may be afraid and don't know how to tell you. Good luck with this one!

[TEXASLADY52 264]

My husband has seen how I have struggled for years with my weight. I would lose and then gain it all back and then some. My knees and joints have wore out after all of these years of extra weight. I have tried and tried to get WLS and it was never possible. This past year everything fell into place. I told my husband that I felt God was telling me it was my time. I am 61 years old and the weight has ruined my health. I am praying to get healthy again and live a long life. I am telling you to go for it while you are young. Live your life to the fullest!!!

[Momof2inIowa 195]

Just a follow up, I am very much like you. Without my husband backing me 100% I wouldnt' of had it done. we do everything together, and if he felt it wasn't right after I gave him all of the information, I wouldn't of done it. While my body is my body, our life is OUR life...and without me there would be no us and no mother to my children. I am sure he is just scared as my husband was, that's how you know they love you like crazy! Just fill him with information and I am sure if you both feel it's the right decision you can make it together. I wish you the best of luck.

[JamieLogical 8,684]

I've pretty much made up my mind not that I am for sure having this surgery, so this weekend I am going to go into full-on campaign mode to get my husband on board. Are there any specific resources any of you would recommend that might convince him? Info on mortality and complication rates? Personal accounts of the journey that might help him identify with someone who has been through this? Anything you can come up with, I would GREATLY appreciate.

[Brendymom 19]

My husband wasn't on board at first, so I asked him to come to the seminar and Dr appointments with me. He also talked to our PCP who was very positive. By my surgery date he was in agreement that I will doing the right thing and has been a wonderful support since.

[JamieLogical 8,684]

We just had a really long talk and I think he's on board now. Maybe not 100% understanding, but definitely accepting and supportive.