Feeling like my "partner" doesnt get it

[Forsythia 882]

My husband is a thin guy who comes from thin people who can eat anything they like. And he has a cabinet in the house - its super high and I can't reach it - that is straight up full of garbage. Buddy bars, candy, tortilla chips. Out of sight, out of mind. The first week I was home from the hospital he bought a cake. He was all - "the cake is for you babe". I was of course "WTF I can't eat cake! - and it is chocolate with chocolate icing.. you bought that for you!" (because I do not like chocolate cake with chocolate icing). Since that incident he has done better about hiding his stuff.

My husband never had the expectation that I would be cooking for him though since I get home from work so much later than he does. But I do occasionally cook a meal which we can both eat. There are lots of leftovers these days.

[Travelmego 235]

Get another refrigerator.

Tell him to cook his own meals.

People can only treat you how you let them.

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

At the time of my surgery I was living with my partner and two grown sons and my oldest sons girlfriend. They were supportive but of course still wanted to eat!

One of the things we did is put "temptations" in a cabinet that I never opened. Out of sight out of mind helped because it was driving me crazy seeing and smelling crackers, chips and junk food all the time.

Also, I gave over cooking duties.

When we went out to eat, they were great about sharing meals or otherwise making it so I could be successful there.

I would try to appeal to him for some support but I kinda agree with lipstick lady too. I mean, we had the surgery,not them. We are the ones with the issue and at some point you have to really develop a certain mental toughness about your own priorities. I had the advantage that I was so "over food" by then - it was like the bad boyfriend that needed to be kicked to the curb if you know what I mean. I was really really really motivated.

I kinda liked her suggestion about cooking too... haha... mushies - yuck!

[LumpySpacePrincess 594]

Its possible he wants you to keep cooking dinner (even if you don't eat it) because he feels food was one of the stronger bonds between the two of you and he might be afraid that will go away. I say still cook him dinner, just cook healthier versions of what you normally would. It will give you good practice for cooking healthy when you can eat fairly normal again, and he might even decide he likes some of the healthier options.

I think its equally important for us to support our significant others as it is for them to support us. We often forget they are going through some massive changes too, and our relationships will be more likely to last if issues are addressed on both sides.

[Bigmommatojacob 54]

I had this issue from the beginning with the food and I had to realize my weight and food issues were mine not anyone else's. The two week pre-diet of straight liquids my family went to our camp and let me tell you it was some cooking going on. I cooked something for every meal. I watched them eat and said that is what got me to this size in the first place. I loved my family and friends time before the surgery and they still had to eat. At the hospital my husband would go to the cafeteria and bring it back to my room. Only once did the smell bother me but my IV had blown and I wasn't getting my nausea meds. After coming home I slept for the three days just getting up to sip my drinks. Then the forth day I cleaned house and he was so mad and I told him I have to move to lose. I don't cook everyday he and our grandson eats a sandwich or grill a piece of meat and a salad but I still cook. I am his wife and I love to see their face enjoy the meal. I have found on Pinterest a WLSRecipes for the sleeve and they are great. We have tried several and my family loves it also. Also I get free books from book buds.com to my kindle and have gotten several cookbook for WLS and paleo diet. Just remember this you have to find your reason for eating your feelings and the world is going to keep eating while your looking for your answer.

[agwj71 45]

My family and I have discussed not bringing any tempting foods into the house at least for the first few months after surgery while I'm getting used to my new eating habits. I asked them if they are going to have junk foods to please eat them elsewhere or just hide them and don't let me know they exist. They're on board with that. My husband and 13 yo daughter LOVE veggies and salads so I really don't foresee a problem...fingers crossed.

[ProjectMe 909]

I didn't expect my husband to switch up his lifestyle just because I chose to have surgery. It was my choiceto jump through the 6 months worth of hoops, go under the knife for the 13th and hopefully last time and change my mindset towards food. Because this was my choice, I did not change what I normally did for my family. I still cook dinner every night....although I may double up on the veggies & skip making the starchy sides for them.

The interesting thing is my husband began to adopt my lifestyle in small ways over time. He has since lost over 60 pounds. While I appreciate the support...I didn't change my lifestyle for him. I did it for me.

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

One of my (nearly useless) nutritionists once said (pre-op), "Oh, as a bariatric patient you'll find grocery shopping easy. It's no different than planning your husband's meals."

I LOLed!

[ProjectMe 909]

One of my (nearly useless) nutritionists once said (pre-op), "Oh, as a bariatric patient you'll find grocery shopping easy. It's no different than planning your husband's meals."

I LOLed!

LOL! Before surgery, I would just walk up & down aisles getting whatever I thought we needed. Now, I have two lists. One for the family & one for me. And I spend waaay more time in the grocery store reading labels...kids don't even want to go with me anymore.

[ajcarl 18]

By now you have probably left him. Or you won't make it. Perhaps he'll change. Probably not. Too bad but you deserve better. He is not a honey or a good guy if he won't change

[tubabuddha 7]

My kids will still want what they want. I'll try cooking it. Thank goodness my daughter can cook some things now.

Maybe if your cooking really started to suck, he'd start making what he wants.