I am trying to understand my patterns of emotions with eating. Really examine it and learn.

I have known for years that grief will cause me to totally lose my appetite. I literally cannot eat another bite, even mid meal, if I am given bad news, or become suddenly sad. Anger or fear will also stop my appetite cold.

This happened to me on a dinner out with my husband this past week. The vacation surroundings were wonderful, the food was perfect, I was hungry and enjoying the food. Then mid meal he started a fight and I completely lost my appetite. I took the rest of the food back to the hotel and gave it to my daughters.

Although that loss of appetite was not a revelation to me, it got me thinking about my history of overeating. I truly eat for comfort. I feel such happiness when eating. The comfort feeling is the polar opposite of the feeling in my gut I had during our awful dinner. During anger or fear or sadness, my gut hurts, burns, feels queasy. When I'm overeating I am feeling pleasure and comfort and joy. I don't go to the food right after a negative emotional episode. It's more like the next time I'm in a normal state (the next day or later), I just keep eating to keep the good feelings alive.

Of course, with the band I am not overeating as before. I listen to satiety signals and stop. I have a couple of months of good habits under my belt.

It's just that I know that unless I uncover the causes and triggers of my overeating, I am doomed to return to it over time. I always thought I overate to feel better. I now think it's more like, I overate to not return to the bad feelings again. To keep the good, normal feelings of this present moment going. It's not an immediate reaction to emotional lows of the earlier moment.

I hope this makes sense. I am curious what others have uncovered about their overeating triggers after they stopped overeating. Especially if you've had counseling to help understand it.

@@☠carolinagirl☠ -- How GREAT is that picture!!! I'm going to print it out and post it on the fridge with this picture of my dogs (who just happen to be begging for treats!) Actually, I don't have to post their picture on the fridge, because any time I'm standing at the fridge, they are going to be in this same position which happens to have been taken while I was standing at the fridge -- with them begging for treats.

At my house... same circus, different clowns.

same circus... different clowns... describes my dating life...sigh

Hilarious! I used to wonder at times if I might be part Labrador Retriever, except of course for the retrieving part -- that's exercise, right? Lol. I am not a dog. But oh, the feelings. So many feelings -- and that's what I used food for, to tamp them right down. As soon as I sensed that whirring inside, I would start looking for food. And sometimes I would eat ahead of time because I knew an anxiety-provoking occasion was on the docket. I used to "prep" myself with a snack prior to a conference call. There's something about that phone and having to communicate in that way which really sets off anxiety for me. Or meetings. I usually work from home but when I have to see clients one-on-one or heaven forbid conduct a training session, etc., I would do both -- first the prepping with food and then after I would stop somewhere for a reward. This kind of emotional eating became like a set of parenthesis for me -- punctuation.

Now I allow those feelings to come right up to the surface and guess what? They are not so bad. Actually most of them are kind of silly. Low self-esteem can certainly kick off some pretty immature responses -- "what if they don't like me" is really "what if they don't like my work." Now that I know what it is I can roll my eyes at myself and move forward in a new way. That tentacled mess in my head has unbraided and now when I feel those knots coming I try to take some time to really look at what's going on. The overwhelm I feel in trying to manage my daily life, our family, the land, my job, creative work, pets, etc. -- well, when I really look at it all I feel like I'm doing a great job. I am patting myself on the back now instead of undermining myself -- first by denying the feelings and then by inappropriate eating followed by the inevitable beating myself up over time. "I'm so fat."

As a former Labrador Retriever, of course I ate for lots of other reasons, too, but I'd say anxiety is right at the top of my hit parade. Still -- eating from boredom, celebration -- pure love of food. I do still love food and I enjoy eating -- that's important to me. I'm a good cook and I like to be "in" food, preparing it, serving it, organizing the pantries, having dinner parties, etc. I didn't want to turn my back on food in a weird way and I'm glad that now I can still enjoy food but just in smaller amounts at appropriate intervals. Eating for the right reason, like it's time for a small meal, rather than eating for every reason possible. Much of my eating was "in for a penny, in for a pound," like I had to get it in because I knew I'd probably be putting myself on a severe diet soon. I'm very glad to not be on a diet. Sure, I have to think about it -- I am careful. But I was so restrictive before and was never able to sustain a program for long enough to lose the weight without regaining. The band is enabling me to do that and I'm so grateful.

This is a wonderful thread -- I'm really enjoying reading every one's thoughtful insights into why we do what we do (or did what we did so we don't do it again).

CowGirlJane...LOLRH

Bandista thanks for your response...made me feel good

CowGirlJane...LOLRH

LOLRH? please explain. I'm not aware of these abbreviations.

I've been seeing a counselor for a while pre-surgery, and I'm continuing to see her post-surgery. It's helped me recognize my triggers (I don't eat when I'm upset or when I'm fighting with my bf. That's an automatic appetite suppressant), but when I'm bored? I snack mindlessly. Which is part of the reason I chose to restart college at the same time as my surgery. It keeps me occupied and when I'm busy, I don't think about food. I do make sure I keep drinking, but keeping occupied has helped distract me greatly.

My other major trigger is simply habit. It's habit to eat at certain times, habit to have dessert this many times a week, whatever. But since surgery, I can't eat at set times, because my tummy doesn't always want fed when the clock says it's lunch time. I always do my shake in the morning at 6 a.m. when I get up, and sometimes the tummy wants something more substantial at 11 a.m. Sometimes it's not until 2 p.m. (a lot depends on if I exercise a lot. I tend to want an earlier lunch if I've been walking or cycling) Breaking the habit and breaking through the boredom are two of the major things I hope will keep me on target.

I just had a day of emotional eating. Although the amount is NOTHING like it used to be. I mainly was not concerned with eating protein first. It's scary, but I'm so glad I'm not alone. I believe that this will be a life-long struggle and that will support I can overcome the need to want to eat when I'm depressed. Thank you all for sharing.

I just had a day of emotional eating. Although the amount is NOTHING like it used to be. I mainly was not concerned with eating protein first. It's scary, but I'm so glad I'm not alone. I believe that this will be a life-long struggle and that will support I can overcome the need to want to eat when I'm depressed. Thank you all for sharing.

I recommend this book. It helped me a lot in separating emotions from my eating. That reduces the struggle.

"The Emotional First + Aid Kit: a Practical Guide to Life After Bariatric Surgery"

So I got some bad news today...and I really over did it today.I ate the wrong things and too much of it.I'm totally depressed and stressed out about things, but I hope to get back on track tomorrow.I feel hopeless

So I got some bad news today...and I really over did it today.I ate the wrong things and too much of it.I'm totally depressed and stressed out about things, but I hope to get back on track tomorrow.I feel hopeless

Not a big deal in the large scheme of things. Tomorrow's another day!