I am not as successful so far as I would like to be-emotional component

[Gardnergirl2 96]

I just need support today, and I know this forum is the place. I got a fill yesterday, but left the doctor's office crying. It's that time of the month (great!), and I have had an epiphany of sorts. I went through a traumatic break up about 2 years ago, and I am still not really healed. I thought this person would be a friend for life, but we are enemies now and there is nothing I can do about it.

Why does that matter? I feel like when you aren't emotionally healed from something, it is easy to fall back on old crutched. It's funny....I dont' drink a drop or smoke.....but food is certainly an addiction as well.

I am tried of self sabotaging my life. I am tired of being sad about a situation that I can not change. I am ready to get serious and get healed......

My doctor wasn't happy with me of course, but I wasn't happy with me. So, that's what matters. I won't go back for another fill unless I have lost becuase I don't want to look like a clown. I can do this. I will do this. And, I will heal......

[rayanne 283]

First and foremost you need to love yourself. You are your worst critic right now...give yourself a break and stop kicking yourself when you are already down.... Now chin up make little changes. Friends come and go so let that one go and find some new ones here. Close that door and move forward. you can do it. I too have very slow progress but you can not get yourself down you have to work thru it and food is our crutch...I had a slip and had to get completely unfilled. Just got refilled yesterday....So I know how you feel I got the are you exercising at all from the doctor.... It hurt but I was able to say yes I have a 5k on Sunday..... you can do this .... Good Luck

[Gardnergirl2 96]

thank you rayanne. I know you are right. I just took a little ten minute walk here at work. Am going to do that at least 3 times a day, and then more exercise at home. Basically, I have to cut out all carbs to lose band or not. And, I a not a carb o holic, but yes, I have eaten some. But, I will get this down pat. Sometimes, I feel like a failure (and this relationship I discussed really didn't help that). Lots of people say I am strong - single mom, work full time plus a business on the side. Good kid...really good kid. church every sunday......but, I don't feel strong. Isn't that weird?? I just know I can't fail at this. I can't.....

[HealthyNewMe 1,935]

Yes, you will succeed. I'm probalbly a lot older than you, and that makes me want to offer all kinds of "words of wisdom" about your broken off friendship, but I won't because it is what it is..... a broken off friendship....... and only time heals that. NOT food, BUT TIME ! food does not heal you. It is meant to nourish you...... So try choosing the foods that NOURISH you and not the ones that put you in a trance, like the sugars and starches!. The best gift you can give yourself is a HEALTHY YOU! Since I was a certified COUCH POTATO for three decades of my life (so I never would have believed this during those years), I can now say that I use EXERCISE as a way out of depression, anxiety, and as a way to ZONE OUT (at least temporarily! The junk food and comfort food is just a temporary numbing fix, so why not switch that addiction to something that does the same thing, but is more healthy. The bottom line is that YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOU THINK YOU ARE RIGHT NOW. You can do this! Six months from now, you may still have this broken friendship, but six months from now you can find yourself healthier or defeated...... I vote for HEALTHIER. My Best Wishes!

[Gardnergirl2 96]

I will take any words of wisdom I can take! I know you are right. I actually enjoy exercising, yard work, etc. (well, yard work not always lol) and I have to do it all (my son does help), and I do have some help. But yes, I feel overwhelmed sometimes beetween 2 jobs, housework, yard work, homework. etc. But, I will be a success story. I am not going to fail.

[☠carolinagirl☠ 18,722]

I just need support today, and I know this forum is the place. I got a fill yesterday, but left the doctor's office crying. It's that time of the month (great!), and I have had an epiphany of sorts. I went through a traumatic break up about 2 years ago, and I am still not really healed. I thought this person would be a friend for life, but we are enemies now and there is nothing I can do about it.

Why does that matter? I feel like when you aren't emotionally healed from something, it is easy to fall back on old crutched. It's funny....I dont' drink a drop or smoke.....but food is certainly an addiction as well.

I am tried of self sabotaging my life. I am tired of being sad about a situation that I can not change. I am ready to get serious and get healed......

My doctor wasn't happy with me of course, but I wasn't happy with me. So, that's what matters. I won't go back for another fill unless I have lost becuase I don't want to look like a clown. I can do this. I will do this. And, I will heal......

*am tried of self sabotaging my life. I am tired of being sad about a situation that I can not change. I am ready to get serious and get healed*

this is the part i am referencing here madam..you cannot control the past..it is what it is and never to return but you CAN change today/the future by what you do.....and def by what you think...if you are truly serious, get off the pity bucket (sorry but this is how it got through my big ol woe is me self).....whats done is done...you have today.....so do it today what you need to do.....to be a failure, you must quit....you have NOT done that or you would not be posting this..

what matters is you..not the dr or your (frend enmey?)..you are worth living..so live...you know what to do (eat clean as can be and exercise and stay hydrated)....but you have to do it...so put your shoulders back...put that gorgeous head up...strap on some high heels (or go barefoot) and put one foot in front of other and DO it......make yourself well...

doesnt matter how long it takes as long as YOU get there.

i believe in ya.

CG

[betty_s 476]

you got this! you have to make this all about you. I, personally am taking a year to be selfish, and solely focus on myself. i have pushed back any wedding plans and everything else so that i can be the best me possible in the future.

when i decided to get the band, i knew i was going to have to change my emotional relationship with food. it needed to be one thing from now on, energy. not a friend to lean on after a bad day. or a treat for something done right. i think that most of us have that problem, and we really need to focus on using food the way it needs to be used, and thats as nutrition and energy only.

[Gardnergirl2 96]

Thank you everyone. I will keep you all posted No, I haven't quit. I hate to say it, but I think I was just happy with the 20 pounds lost and not gained back, and not really thinking.....you have more weight to lose, missie!! lol.......

I won't quit until I reach my goal, and even then, I think those of us that struggle with obesity can't ever quit.

[lisacaron 5,075]

@@Gardnergirl2 I have to weigh in here with my 2 cents, mostly because while all the puffing up is awesome it's not going to help you do what you really need to do and that is to get real with yourself!

Break ups are never easy and we all too easily fall back onto our old habits when we are faced with emotional turmoil, we look for something soft to fall back on and when we are beat up and hurting who wouldn't want something soft?! Why are you so beat up...? That's the question you need to start asking yourself! You are beat up because you are kicking your own ass! Stop it! NOW today put the stones and the Cookies down!

This person whoever he/she may be has hurt you they probably hit you where it hurt and so you turned around and poured salt in the wound and you won't let it heal. It's familiar to you and if you let it heal that might mean you have to let go of it, let go of them...or worse if it scars..you might have to be reminded of it..but you will also be reminded that you are now tougher where once you were vulnerable.

As for you going to see your doctor...now this is what really bothered me about your post!!! If you need to go to your doctor for a fill to help you get yourself going why they heck would you not go until you lose some weight?! That is just BS. I don't care if your doctor is not "happy" with you or your loss. Is he living in your body? Paying your bills? Suffering your ailments? Or feeling your emotional pain? If not then (pardon me) but to hell with him and what he is "happy" with.

He is there for YOU. He works for YOU. If you need him you go and see him and you tell him how you feel and what you think you need from him. If you need his tough love then OK great, but if you need medical assistance to make that band work for you, honey that's why you had this surgery. Not all of us are lucky enough to have satiation without a fill. Some of us need more fill volume then others, and that is no reflection on you or your success, it does not make you failure. As CG said you are only a failure when you give up. So get your butt to the doc when and if you need to. Kick the loser who made you feel bad to the curb and when you feel like beating something up leave yourself alone and go after the person who made you feel bad, focus that energy take it to the gym and literally kick their butt and make it a win win for you!

[pink dahlia 2,513]

Whew!!!!! No pity parties from lisacaron, thats for sure ! She sure opened up a can of a whoop a!! on your Dr , did'nt she ? You go girl !!! That Dr works for YOU, not the other way around , so go see him if needed. This is a TEAM effort to get YOU healthy, so use the TEAM to get you to your goal. That being said, one of my favorite sayings is from the late, great Steve Prefontaine ( google him for an interesting story) who said " Dont be afraid to give up the good and go for the great !" Maybe your past friendship applies ? I think if something good didnt work out, its because something great is coming around soon. food for thought ? Speaking of food, I liken it to a baby sucking her thumb. When the baby is sad, scared, stressed, she sticks her thumb in her mouth to comfort her, right ? Well as adults we can't walk around sucking our thumb when were sad, scared or stressed, so we stick food in our mouths to comfort us. Try finding a hobby , or interest when you're upset that calms you down, thats NOT food related. Music, knitting, walking , dancing, etc............. good luck, hang in there !!!!

[Mikee57 699]

Gardnergirl2...I hear a lot of negative covered up by WANT TOOS!!! That is what I call them...we all have a lot of bad things that have occurred in our lives and one of those things is eating to fill some sort of a void...then that void is filled with a lot of hate me's and wish I hadn't done those and got to get out of these ruts!!! as its been said here...the past is the past and you are rowing backwards on your new journey!!! you can't fix what was broke (your friendship-obviously), but you can fix YOU!!! that's where those WANT TOOs come into play. I want to eat healthier, I want to be more energetic, I want to have more time with my son, I want to look in the mirror and like what I see, I want to lose this weight and rub it in my doctor's face (ok that's a bit overboard), but I think you understand what I am saying!!! I am new at this, I am the last one that can boast about confidence...but these folks on these posts know there stuff and the one thing I have learned in these past 3 months is that I Want the Want Toos...and I know you do too!!! so let's want to get on with our journey and start moving up the creek in the right direction. YOU GOT THIS GIRL...NOW GET THE MOVE ON!!! Now where is that BIG SMILE? oops I see it now!!! have a great day sweetie...look forward to the NEW YOU post!!!

[Gardnergirl2 96]

I actually smiled really big when I read that! Thanks everyone. We are neighbors Mikee, if you are a SW GA girl

I want to thank everyone for your encouragement. About the ex, just to clarify, he's not someone I would want back; but I thought we would be friends for life (I know....that's not realistic). I think it hit me in the doctor's office yesterday that there are a lot of things I need to bury. I have a good career, a good family, a great son and now, somebody in my life that is starting to actually love me lol. so, I need to forge ahead and complete this WL journey. This forum gets your brain back where it needs to be!

Thank you everyone for taking time out of your busy day to make a person you don't even know shape up!!

[lisacaron 5,075]

I actually smiled really big when I read that! Thanks everyone. We are neighbors Mikee, if you are a SW GA girl

I want to thank everyone for your encouragement. About the ex, just to clarify, he's not someone I would want back; but I thought we would be friends for life (I know....that's not realistic). I think it hit me in the doctor's office yesterday that there are a lot of things I need to bury. I have a good career, a good family, a great son and now, somebody in my life that is starting to actually love me lol. so, I need to forge ahead and complete this WL journey. This forum gets your brain back where it needs to be!

Thank you everyone for taking time out of your busy day to make a person you don't even know shape up!!

Honey if I could like this twice for you I would!!!

[Mikee57 699]

yes ma'am I am from GA...Warner Robins to be exact!!! welcome neighbor!!!

[HealthyNewMe 1,935]

Gotta love my new Yankee friend, lisacaron...... She hit the nail right on the head as far as your doctor and the breakup goes.