Dating

[pions9815 11]

Anyone date prior to surgery? My surgery is in August and I am itching to get back out there. If you did date prior to surgery, did you tell them right away about the surgery or wait? I have joined an online site and was debating telling them through chats so that I can weed out the one's that would be opposed.

[bravobentley 55]

Im not dating but that's just me I want to focus solely on this journey and my health but I also have only shared my hopeful surgery news with a few people so not even my whole family and friends know just because I wanted to avoid the judgement and odd stories and advice given from people who have never been obese a day in their life. good luck in whatever you choose to do

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

I did not, but tried online dating after losing weight. It did not work for me, I hated online dating. I would get a million guys interested in me, but somehow seemed to meet mostly liars and players. The occasional nice seeming guy showed up too, but I generally did not find them attractive (frankly, too out of shape).

I have shifted to meeting people through social groups, clubs etc (meetups and the like) and while I haven't found a guy yet, this is so much more satisfying - and so much less disappointing. I have met a couple of cool ladies too that who knows might become new friends.

I am not cut out for online dating it seems. I would worry about entering that frustrating "Scene" while trying to be successful with weight loss. For me, the weight loss phase was very much inner focused to be the most successful I could be.

[pions9815 11]

Thank you for your feedback ladies! I have tried internet before and have met some nice guys which i wasn't attracted to and then of course the players too. I started my journey just wanting to focus on myself and getting healthier. So far I'm just chatting and haven't set any dates up. I was debating deleting the account to just focus on myself.

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

So, I am stating the obvious, but for some people massive weight loss is an emotional roller coaster and can be very vulnerable feeling. I would not want to be swimming with the sharks in that headspace.... but again, maybe I just suck at online dating but it was unbelievably disappointing for me.

I started to actually think that i have a terrible personality which is weird after a lifetime of obesity when my vibrant personality and smile were the things people DID find attractive through all the fat. After sorting through the obvious liars, out of shape, no attraction type... a few times i found men I thought I would like to get to know. We would have a few dates and I would hear "there is no chemistry". I thought how strange - you want to see me often, have been telling me how beautiful, sexy, funny, charming, fun to talk to I am - and all of a sudden. no chemistry? Then it finally hit me - things weren't moving fast enough for them. what they meant to say, it has been 3-4 dates and no sex...ah ha, now I get it. Once I realized that I stopped doubting myself so much.

I would not have wanted to be so vulnerable to all that while in the middle of a major transformation. It was hard enough even after I feel so confident in my looks and weight etc now.

[pions9815 11]

Thank you CowgirlJane for your honesty, I really appreciate it!!! I am expecting some type of emotional roller coaster to be coming, its great to hear from someone whose been through this stuff and through the dating scene through this process.

[Blondiee 278]

I was dating before surgery and that has continued after surgery.

Did the whole internet dating thing 14 years ago and I'm over it now. However, it did yield a loving relationship that lasted 2 1/2 years.

[webhopper 57]

I met my husband through online dating. If it were me I would wait til after surgery. My husband met me when I weighed about 198. I wasn't morbidly obese. So he was with me at a lower weight and at the higher weight and I know hes attracted to my body no matter what size it is. Some men are only attracted to bigger bodies and some men are only attracted to smaller bodies. I would suggest focusing on getting to your goal first and being happy with yourself before trying to meet a love match; otherwise the emotional rollercoaster may be too much for a new love interest to go through.

[Cait12 52]

One of the things I was excited for after getting surgery was dating. I haven't done any since I've began to lose weight because I wanted to focus on bettering myself. I did sign up for online dating, but had no luck with it. I know some people who have had luck with online dating, but overall I'm not a big fan. I mostly got messages from guys I wasn't interested in. Some were nice (but I didn't find them attractive), others were losers, and of course there were the players.

I deleted my profile yesterday and decided to try letting it come naturally. Which interestingly, I talked to a cute guy on the subway home that same night, and had an actual conversation. Nothing more came from it, but it was definitely exciting and a confidence booster. I always thought of myself as the type of girl that the type of guys I like wouldn't go for. Whether this guy was interested in me or not, he was nice, and willing to have a 20 minute conversation with me.

[Butterflyhigh 504]

I am one year out from a divorce, a few weeks away from having my surgery, and had made the decision to not date until I am on the other side of WLS, physical healing, and the ensuing emotional roller coster.

Then I met a great guy.

But I can tell that I'm not really ready for a relationship. I feel like right now my relationship focus should only be on myself, my new eating habits, and my new tummy.

I feel horrible because I think I am going to have to stop dating this guy. I am just not ready to throw another ball up in the air to juggle. KWIM?

BTW, I also have done online dating in the past. I met my ex-husband that way. I like the idea of vetting people before going on a date. Right from the start you can eliminate men based on their incomes, child status, occupation, spelling & grammar, long-term goals, etc etc...

Of course there are still the liars and cheats but I've got a pretty good system of questions to ferret those out.

Men will always be around...before, during, and after WLS. My advise to myself is to take it slow, focus on me for a good long time, get to a place where I can really commit myself to a relationship without the distraction of a new sleeved lifestyle, and then just wait for Love to happen.

Good Luck!!

Edited May 4, 2014 by Butterflyhigh