Give your opinion to tell or not

[Mississippi Girl 124]

i told my husband and that's it. my adult children would not understand and would have raised the roof at my going to Mexico. believe it or not….nobody has noticed anything. I came home and started doing all the things I've always done. No worries or problems. I suffered with a huge guilty conscience for not telling…but I'm learning to live with that.

[jessb418 42]

Did you guys have the surgery because it was medically advised? I told my brother about me having it done and he was such a jerk about it until I told him all the medical problems and that it is medically necessary...then he was 100% supprtive...even said he would bring me. He said I should have started the conversation with saying the medical part first. I am pretty annoyed..y does it matter why I'm having it done!?! If it's going to better my life and allow me to be around for my child who cares y.I've decided I think I'm going to tell work im, having gall bladder surgery. It's tough to not say anything as I have a lot of appts. Y does telling or not telling have to be so damm difficult!

[New Me 787 12]

Did you guys have the surgery because it was medically advised? I told my brother about me having it done and he was such a jerk about it until I told him all the medical problems and that it is medically necessary...then he was 100% supprtive...even said he would bring me. He said I should have started the conversation with saying the medical part first. I am pretty annoyed..y does it matter why I'm having it done!?! If it's going to better my life and allow me to be around for my child who cares y.I've decided I think I'm going to tell work im, having gall bladder surgery. It's tough to not say anything as I have a lot of appts. Y does telling or not telling have to be so damm difficult!

I hear you it is super difficult. I had my gall bladder removed a couple of years ago so a little white lie is not an option for me

[Ginger Snaps 1,323]

Michelle -- had to laugh at your MIL... does she think having surgery makes you contagious or something so she doesn't want you in her home??? Aye-yi-yi... I'm sorry you're having to deal with such negativity in your life. And, I still plan to be an organ donor -- but I haven't heard of stomach transplants, so I think I'm OK as far as that goes.

Decide who's opinion you value and who's to ignore and know you'll find a lot of support and knowledge here on the boards.

[Improvingme 18]

Im in the very begining stages of figuring this whole thing out. I am not telling anyone, not my family not my friends. The only one who knows is my boyfriend, and thats because hes going to be the one taking me home. I know my family won't be thrilled, my mom died a few years ago and a elective surgery especially this? What if something happens? My best friend of 25 years will not be happy for me, if anything it could drive a wedge in our friendship. I will deal with questions when the time comes. Im not going to give answers, it's my business. It was a hard decision to do this and I don't want to have to justify why I decided to do it.

I'm so proud of you. I made this same decision and I'm so glad I did. This is a personal decision and it's yours to make. We are here for you. I was Sleeved on 4/30/14 and I am ready to finally live my life. You are on the right Blog to get the encouragement that your family is not giving you. Congrats on you decision.

[Ms. Laydee2014 9]

I know there have been many opinons about this topic. My personal stand is that I am not telling anyone. I told my husband and I wanted to leave it at that. My husband said it would be best to tell our two adult kids. So, that's it. My husband and kids are the only ones who will know. I made the decision that I didn't want anyone to know because I don't want the criticism for my decision and/or the judgement and scrutiny that would come from my friends and family. I don't have anyone that would be supportive enough and not be judgemental about my decision. I also don't want all eyes on me and the contant questions - how much weight have you lost? how much weight do you want to lose? can you eat that? you don't need ot lose anymore weight, why are you doing that you just need more willpower. I'm already expecting some of this from my husband who is still not 100% onboard with my decision. So, for me, I have decided not to tell anyone outside of my iommediate family. My family has a lot of overweight people. So, once i do start to lose the weight, i'll get questioned on what I am doing to lose weight. I won't lie but i'll chose how to answer based on what I believe to be the intent of the person asking. My personal choice. Doesn't make me right or wrong, it's just what I decided to do.

Couldn't have said it any better! Perfectly stated.

Same here, I'm having RNY on 5/12 and the only people i've told is my immediate family circle -- my son, daughter, mom and brother. They are 100% behind me and my decision.

In fact my kids saw firsthand the health struggles that came with excessive weight and tried over the years to help me lose with various programs but they just didn't work for me or i'd lose and then gain more weight back on.

As far as i'm concerned, it's no one else's business. I won't lie if they ask me but i'm not volunteering to talk about.

[Improvingme 18]

Same here, I'm having RNY on 5/12 and the only people i've told is my immediate family circle -- my son, daughter, mom and brother. They are 100% behind me and my decision. In fact my kids saw firsthand the health struggles that came with excessive weight and tried over the years to help me lose with various programs but they just didn't work for me or i'd lose and then gain more weight back on. As far as i'm concerned, it's no one else's business. I won't lie if they ask me but i'm not volunteering to talk about.

Well stated. Good Luck on your surgery on 5/12/14. May God Bless and keep you. I am here if you just need someone to be there. Congrats on your decision.

[Mommabird 367]

I am in the very first stages of the WLS process. (I'm going to a seminar next week). My husband and my middle child know and are very supportive. Actually, while I was considering how to broach the subject with my husband, he brought it up to me. My daughter knows as she is living at home while going back to college. I'm not telling my youngest until later, probably when it's approved. My oldest lives out of state and while I know it would very much hurt her feelings if she's not told, I also know she'll tell my sister even if asked not to.Plus, as she's half way arcross the country, we don't see her but every few years. My sis is a recovery room nurse whose best friend just had a gastric bypass. Just before her surgery, I had to listen to a long rant about the early stages of the post op diet and how nauseating it looked and how could anyone eat like that. I haven't talked to her about her friend since then so I don't know if her mind set has changed any with the up close experience. As for my husband's family...NO WAY!! They can figure it out for themselves after the fact. If they ask me directly, I'll tell them the truth. I haven't decided about friends yet. I guess i'll play that one by ear if and when it comes up.

[melissapishappy32 2]

At first I told my mom. Then I told extended family and then I told friends. I knew I was going to need a support group around me of personal cheerleaders. Then I realized that where I work with all the parties and foods brought in I needed to share. So I told a select group of coworkers. I at first was worried people would judge me. The people who matter most to me though know how hard I have tried to lose weight and know that it is not an easy way out. I haven't told everyone yet but I think eventually I will. I am excited for this new part of my life.

At first I told my mom. Then I told extended family and then I told friends. I knew I was going to need a support group around me of personal cheerleaders. Then I realized that where I work with all the parties and foods brought in I needed to share. So I told a select group of coworkers. I at first was worried people would judge me. The people who matter most to me though know how hard I have tried to lose weight and know that it is not an easy way out. I haven't told everyone yet but I think eventually I will. I am excited for this new part of my life.

[maizeashley 12]

Everyone is different and telling or not depends on your relationship with the person you want to tell. At first I wasn't sure who I wanted to tell. I wanted my parents and in laws knowing and then a few close friends. Now I have it on my Facebook and count down for everyone to see. My husband has surgery on May 29th and I have surgery on June 19th, three weeks apart.

I did need the accountability for my carb and sugar addiction, plus I wanted my friends that I am always going out to eat with to understand why I will not be going anymore. I also wanted my ladies church group to know and plan some physical activities and stuff instead of just dinners, Snacks, ice cream nights ect. And they have! So telling has benefited us.

Good luck to us all!

[wyjcole 3]

I seem to be an over-sharer. I was keeping it quiet but then I opened my big mouth to my sister-in-law. I am sure that will come back to bite me in the ass. I to believe this is my journey but I find myself wanting other people to buy in. Since I decided to have the surgery everything has been an up and down roller coaster. I think I finally understand that I need to keep this decision to myself until I know I am strong enough to share. That will be hard for me sine i tell everyone everything about myself. My surgery will be in mid july early august.

[Ginger Snaps 1,323]

@maizeashley What a great reason to tell -- so that your friends start planning things other than food events. My church had an ice cream social after church yesterday in honor of Mother's Day. Given the rate of obesity in our country, we need to figure out some other ways to Celebrate.

[tigerlily14 35]

Hi.... Well a lot of people knew my decision about wanting bypass surgery BUT, now that paperwork has been sent to insurance and we all are hoping for June I have only told a select few due to so much negative feedback from people who were either jealous or just people wanting to see me fall on my face.... I am super super morbid obese And have 4 children this surgery is my life line it is NOT easy but I got to live and see my babies grow up.

Just my opinion when it comes to telling I would get people's reaction to the idea of the surgery itself and then I would decide who I could tell and not tell. Good luck to everyone on this incredible journey.

[m_rose 35]

I struggled with this topic too. I actually put out a similar Forum a few months back.

I have decided to tell my mother, father, both stepparents, my best friend, boyfriend and 3 co-workers. That's it. I am not even telling any of my siblings because my sister is heavier than I and believes that WLS is the easy way out and so forth.

I suffer from PCOS and had an ultrasound last week due to heavy bleeding and the Ultra sound tech was asking questions and such and I mentioned that when having the Bypass my GYN was going to be there to remove cysts, endometriosis, etc.

The look on her face was that of pure DISGUST!!! She then said "You're going to be a twig" "There are so many complications with that" "You can't eat and drink at the same time" I was so annoyed but it made me realize why I don't tell just anyone.

This is a decision for US not anyone else!!!!

[volkitteh 34]

I would've gone off on the person. How dare anyone judge us becoming healthier, even if it requires surgery. We are judged for being fat or skinny so screw them all and let them watch my skinny ass walk away( when it gets there lol). When I was way bigger people stared even if I ate a salad or worked out. Woot! F them all haha. This is our journey not theirs!