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I got my surgery date and my love is leaving me



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Hi everyone , I am starting my 2 week pre op diet on the 16th and I just found out my seven year relationship is probably coming to an end. She wants someone else . I don't know what's happening and she has no answers except she doesn't know what she wants and she's confused . Now I have to go through this alone and I don't think I'm strong enough to do it . I can't eat or sleep and the only thing that numbs the pain is liquor . I am second guessing even having this surgery now . Has this happened to others ?

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Don't ever make someone tell you twice they don't want you- Judge Lynn Toler?...the way I see it, this is a new beginning for you all the way around...the drinking needs to stop and pull yourself together before surgery. Start exercising and feeling good about yourself, there are more than one fish in the sea!

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I know that's what I need to do but it's so hard . We have a lease together a life .. I don't know how it's going to play out but I guess your right that she's already told me she doesn't want me when she got into a relationship with someone else . Ugh it hurts . Maybe exercise is exactly what I need - I'll give it a try - maybe I can get out some aggression

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I'm so sorry to hear. But don't think your not strong enough do the surgery. You'll feel better about yourself at the end this is for you! Your ex seeing you at your best will be the biggest FU! Stay strong do what u got to do stop the drinking now it's not to late don't let this opportunity slip away! Good luck! Hugs

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My daughter had a partner who ditched her the same week her cat of 14 years died. She was really down in the dumps until a friend suggested that she join up with the roller derby crowd. What a great way to get out agression and get exercise at the same time. Yeah, being abandonned hurts...badly....but at least there is a new way to keep her mind occupied and her feelings in check.

If not now, this may have happened sooner or later. Whatever the dynamic of a partnership is, weight loss surgery changes relationships as well as bodies. This surgery still needs to be about you and improving your health. One thing that happens unexpectedly is that when we go through the physical changes, we find the "real" us that has been hiding behind years of fear, shame, and loss.

I hope that you still will have at least one person (parent, sibling, friend) that can be your support through the medical process. Then you can hope that on the other side you will find a new life that enhances who you really are. Please do not give alcohol any power over your health and happiness.

Here is a quote from Johann Wolfgang von Goethe. Hopefully it will give you the courage you need to follow through with your surgery and begin your new life.

"Whatever you can do, or dream you can.............BEGIN IT! For boldness has genius, power, and magic in it."

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Don't ever make someone tell you twice they don't want you- Judge Lynn Toler?...the way I see it, this is a new beginning for you all the way around...the drinking needs to stop and pull yourself together before surgery. Start exercising and feeling good about yourself, there are more than one fish in the sea!

You are so right .This a new beginning for you, when one door closes another one open.Don't let anyone take your joy .

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You are right . It probably should have happened long ago but love has always brought us through the rough Patches ! I need to focus on me that's why I'm having the surgery any way - the timing is horrible but then again what time wouldn't be ? Roller Durby would be fun and great exercise !

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Sorry to hear this…but this is you're time to think about u…focus on U….this too shall pass….

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    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. LeighaTR

        I hope your surgery on Wednesday goes well. You will be able to do all sorts of new things as you find your new normal after surgery. I don't know this from experience yet, but I am seeing a lot of positive things from people who have had it done. Best of luck!

    • Alisa_S

      On day 4 of the 2 week liquid pre-op diet. Surgery scheduled for June 11th.
      Soooo I am coming to a realization
      of something and I'm not sure what to do about it. For years the only thing I've enjoyed is eating. We rarely do anything or go anywhere and if we do it always includes food. Family comes over? Big family dinner! Go camping? Food! Take a short ride or trip? Food! Holiday? Food! Go out of town for a Dr appointment? Food! When we go to a new town we don't look for any attractions, we look for restaurants we haven't been to. Heck, I look forward to getting off work because that means it's almost supper time. Now that I'm drinking these pre-op shakes for breakfast, lunch, and supper I have nothing to look forward to.  And once I have surgery on June 11th it'll be more of the same shakes. Even after pureed stage, soft food stage, and finally regular food stage, it's going to be a drastic change for the rest of my life. I'm giving up the one thing that really brings me joy. Eating. How do you cope with that? What do you do to fill that void? Wow. Now I'm sad.
      · 1 reply
      1. summerseeker

        Life as a big person had limited my life to what I knew I could manage to do each day. That was eat. I hadn't anything else to look forward to. So my eating choices were the best I could dream up. I planned the cooking in managable lots in my head and filled my day with and around it.

        Now I have a whole new big, bigger, biggest, best days ever. I am out there with those skinny people doing stuff i could never have dreamt of. Food is now an after thought. It doesn't consume my day. I still enjoy the good home cooked food but I eat smaller portions. I leave food on my plate when I am full. I can no longer hear my mother's voice saying eat it all up, ther are starving children in Africa who would want that!

        I still cook for family feasts, I love cooking. I still do holidays but I have changed from the All inclusive drinking and eating everything everyday kind to Self catering accommodation. This gives me the choice of cooking or eating out as I choose. I rarely drink anymore as I usually travel alone now and I feel I need to keep aware of my surroundings.

        I don't know at what point my life expanded, was it when I lost 100 pounds? Was it when I left my walking stick at home ? Was it when I said yes to an outing instead of finding an excuse to stay home ? i look back at my last five years and wonder how loosing weight has made such a difference. Be ready to amaze yourself.

        BTW, the liquid diet sucks, one more day and you are over the worst. You can do it.

    • CaseyP1011

      Officially here for a long time, not just a good time💪
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
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