Nervous, excited, scared, anxious...so begins my journey!

I am in the very beginning stages of this journey. I have gone to the informational seminar, filled out the million page questionnaire the center requires, called my insurance to make sure my employer covers it (they cover all three that I could choose from!!) and now I have a 30 minute phone interview scheduled with the program's RN this next Wednesday. I have been reading anything and everything I can find about Gastric Sleeve. I am almost positive that I will be required to do the six month supervised diet with my PCP. I looked into this a year ago (different insurance plan but with same insurance company) and got four months in and my husband and I decided, financially, it just wasn't the right time for our family. I now have a much better job, am almost done with school, and our insurance plan is much better and covers more. This time there will be nothing in my way!

At first I thought about doing this for the wrong reasons. My motivation was about other people. I thought maybe if I was thinner I would have gotten a job sooner, or I'd be invited to more things, etc. Then I realized that if people see me as only a number on a scale then I probably don't want to be around them anyway. I landed a great job and also realized that my weight had nothing to do with the fact that I really didn't have experience and wasn't done with school. My motivation now is obviously my sons and my husband. And my health. I am, for all intents and purposes, healthy. But at this weight, and rate, how long will I be able to say that and for it to be the truth?! My father died at 46 from complications of diabetes and hypertensive heart disease. I don't want to leave my sons anytime soon, I am 31, but I want to live well into my 80's or 90's or beyond!! I want to run another 5K, I want to ride rides at an amusement park without wondering if the belt will fit, I want to feel comfortable in a bathing suit, I want to be able to take the stairs at work instead of the elevator (I work on the 6th floor, it isn't going to happen right now!!) and I don't want to be tired all the time.

My emotions are all over the place. Even though I am only in the first stages of everything the biggest emotion I am feeling is excitement. But I am worried about my self esteem. As a big girl my whole life, I haven't exactly been the epitome of self esteem. I don't want to fail at this and I think that my determination is going to be my biggest asset. I just can't wait to see what the future holds for me, I am sooooo inpatient but I know that good things come to those who wait. And the result will so be worth the wait!! Sorry for the long post but right now I have not confided in anyone but my husband and mother. Any advice or stories of experiences would be greatly appreciated! Thanks for reading )