Hi all- I have been interested in bariatric surgery for a few years. I have seen the doc, been to the nutritional counseling, etc. I had all the pre-op testing booked. Then I cancelled it. twice.

I have concerns. Here is my biggest...my hubs is also overweight. We have tried many times to lose together. He has much less than me to lose, so he is not a surgery candidate in any way. We have a really strong marriage, and EVERYTHING we do is centered with food. We eat out for all occasions- happy, sad, depressed, sressed, celebrations, mourning, etc. I am afraid that I will have issues because he will continue to be able to eat what I cannot. I wonder if he will have issues because i no longer want to or will be able to, go out and eat together. I know eventually I will be able to eat fairly normal stuff, but not for a good while...my current BMI is 39 (maybe 40 by now).

he is incredibly supportive and has told me that if i want to do it, i should. am i being neurotic because i WILL be able to eat normally eventually??? any advice is really appreciated. I have four HUGE co-morbidities (severe hypertension, sleep apnea, insulin resistance/PCOS/Pre-diabetes, fatty liver/NASH) that will ALL eventually lead me to really ugly health problems and I already take 5 medications a day at age 38, so i have to do something soon...

Edited March 4, 201412 yr by mi75

^{Divorce is a very prevalent issue in the WLS community. I would suggest that your hubby join the +1 Crew on Facebook. It's a group that is exclusively for the spouses of WLS patients. It's a great forum where they can not only learn how to support you, but also get support for themselves because let's face it, there are going to be some rough time. Here's the link for the +1 crew https://www.facebook.com/groups/561857660576992/ If he's not really into Facebook, see if he would be willing to follow Vlogs. MoreofWIll is the spouse (and member of the +1 crew) of LessofSara, a well known VSG vlogger. Here is a link to his channel: http://www.youtube.com/user/moreofwill?feature=watch}

^{It sounds like you have a very strong marriage. Make sure you tell your husband what you need to be successful. An alcoholic can never have another drink again and be fine, but as food addicts, we don't have the option to abstain from food 100%. Even after your surgery, you'll experience head hunger and the cravings will come back in time, so put the kibosh on going out to eat where you would be tempted to consume large, unhealthy, portions now.}

^{Of course, I'm single, so pick and choose the parts of this advise that you like and forget the rest!}

Hi I agree with Mellie May you need support for yourself as well as your husband, due to your existing health conditions I would make the choice to be healthy and have the surgery, you have cancel the surgery twice and you still have the same issues that continue to get worse. You are not saying good by to food forever you are just learning more responsible ways along with a tool to be healthy. You can still go out with your husband and have a great time by selecting foods that are healthy for you and you can always have left overs later on . I really think that you should not let fear keep you from doing what is right for you which is getting healthy. Please keep in mind you are trying to be healthy not stay in a path that leads to long term medications as well as life threatening illness. Good luck.

I kind of had a similar situation with my husband. He isn't obese but his BMI is in the high 20s so he could loose a few pounds. About a week after my surgery he even said "I just wish we could eat dinner together." I'm almost 3 weeks out and it's getting better. We can eat more of our meals together, even if he wants to go out, we just have to plan carefully and split something. Last night we went out with family and I just took a few bits of his chicken. If he is really supportive he will make the changes he needs to make to help you through this.

This biggest change you'll have to make is finding something else to do together. My husband and I have been going to the park together a few days a week, a few years ago we took up biking which has been wonderful. We have a bunch of TV shows we watch together and we love going to the movies, concerts, and day trips to near by cities.

You're going to have a hard adjustment ahead of you, so it's probably important you both get the support and counseling you need. The way I looked at it, I could either do the surgery now and my husband and I could work through it together aor I could wait another 10 or 20 years for serious health issues to catch up to me and then we'd be faces with even more serious issues.