Leaving..

[☠carolinagirl☠ 18,722]

i have heard from several people who are no longer posting on this forum

(for various reasons)...some who are very successfu, some at goal...some just starting.....

i will miss them...i miss them now as i write this

i also thought about leaving recently (and a couple of times in the past due to neg nellies)

but i need the support....me coming here and posting and commenting holds me accountable

not only to myself but maybe, just maybe, a larger bmi who is starting can see me and think, yes, the band

or whatever wls they choose, works...it does work....if YOU work it and use it correctly and stop with excuses..

change is hard

via from eating crap and unhealthy foods to better foods

to coming to this new website

i work for a internet software company and i am ok with computers....but i admit i hated this

new site....ask alex, i hounded his cute butt......but i hung in there.....there are things i still dont like

but i like i can still be around banded people like me...

so before you leave, there are people (me for one) who sure want, need your support/advice and wisdom...

let us help each other...

us bandits need to stick together....

[chasingadream 1,311]

That makes me sad to hear that people are leaving....I've noticed that I haven't seen quite a few people lately and haven't been able to figure out if I just dont know where to find them or if they have left and moved on.

To those who have left I will miss them and their support and advice and wisdom....

To those sticking around continuing to share their support and advice and wisdom I say THANK YOU,

THANK YOU, THANK YOU!

I look forward to seeing you and reading what you have to say...you are inspirational to those of us who are just starting out!

[B-52 7,113]

All the people who were here when I first joined...those who I followed their example...Are All Gone...

This forum is comprised mainly of people just starting out, and ask the same basic questions day after day after day....can't blame them because there are dozens of new people joining everyday....or people who have developed complications...or to tell about "Falling off the Wagon" and gaining their weight back...

It can get to the veterans, plus the new members cannot understand or relate to where the veterans are at.....

I see posts everyday, and I keep my mouth shut knowing they would not understand what I was even talking about, and misinterpret it into something altogether different...some things they have to learn for themselves....

So basically, there is not much here for the veterans to do...those who are and have been 100% successful...

I left for a year...after completing this part of the journey you just want to get on with your new life and not mire in the basics...it can get to you after a while...

I only recently came back...but I imagine I will take a break again ....just to keep MY FOCUS.....

As far as all the negative posters...those who either anti-band people or those who are on some power trip and their word is the only word that should be heard....i simply have them on my "Ignore" list....otherwise I could not let what they say unchallenged...but on my "Ignore" list I do not see their posts, so my blood does not boil....

But as far as people leaving...it happens. Veterans leave, new people take over....

Edited December 21, 2013 by B-52

[HotButterFly 981]

B-52, please don't leave!! I could never scroll down and skip posts you've posted on here. I look forward to your advice/experience every time I log in . You too, CG

Edited December 21, 2013 by HotButterFly

[terrydumont46 1,954]

no no not exceptable. yes we are new but we depend on all the guidance vet's give us. just a like on a response i make is enough to give me a lift. please stay and help out. i do understand if it's getting to you but remember for every 1 person that doesn't except what valuable info you provide there are many many of us that need that mature advice. there are a lot of ppl that have not even posted yet. just watching from the sidelines. i did that for awhile. i learned so much from you guys. i was all alone. my surgeon moved to florida and no support groups. i depended on what i read and learned here. and still learning. and i know i am heading into a different phase of my band as i pass the 6 mos. mark. i need to learn how to relax and just except my new life style. not bent over a food diary and books and food scales. this is the mature wisdom i need from vet's.

[Wendydarling19 310]

We new people so much appreciate the advice we get from the vets. You guys are the faces of what we strive to be. It is really very important to our journey to have real life people we can look at and say "I can be like them one day".

[B-52 7,113]

About 2 years ago, there was a small group of people who were all getting banded the same month...they decided to break away and start their own private Facebook group....they wanted to be of a single mind with a single goal, and felt this forum was too confusing with people in all different stages of this journey...not to mention the negativity...the group grew to around 100 people..ALL being banded within the same month or so....ALL moving forward at the same pace.

As a group, they decided early on they needed a few Veterans in the group to give advice and hints based upon experience....so they hand picked 2 or 3 from this forum...I was one of those invited....

The group was very productive and very tight knit, planning reunions here and there......it was fun to see and watch them, as a group, enter and pass through the different stages...such as their first fill...or bandster hell...or their first stuck episode....

I remember once they were all talking about how they loved Sushi,,,,I mentioned something which none of them understood...but sure enough 6 months later I was asking...."What...no one eats Sushi anymore? What happened?"

The group was so good, everyone started to invite others to join with good intentions...and it grew and grew in numbers....it slowly became a microcosm of this forum, with people at all different stages...some just starting out, some just considering the surgery...and yes, negativity and some friction between members started, with some quitting having their "Feelings" hurt, or insulted........it slowly became confusing, not knowing where someone was in their journey, making it difficult to give advice...again, there are some things beginners will not, and cannot understand yet....so I no longer knew what to say to who, and started to keep my mouth shut when a topic came up such as "Alcohol" and the band....for some people it is better not to hear what I think....even if it is from experience...

Long story short though....NONE of those people ever came back to this forum...they ALL left...I do see one, maybe 2 now and then, but that's about it....the "Core" of that original group are all happy, met their goals, and many of them moved on from that group....and of course, statistically, a few never found that compatibility with this, and had their constant struggles.

It's just the way it is...you can't be responsible for what others think or feel, whether they have interest in staying or leaving...it just happens...it's natural...it's happened before, it's happening now, and will happen in the future....it will always be that way.

It happens....it's a big world and this IS the internet after all....

Edited December 21, 2013 by B-52

[kll724 3,055]

Well, I look forward to your wisdom, cg and yours, B-52. I, too, have thought about moving on. I miss a lot of the people that were her when I 1st came 4 years ago. I miss the ladies and gents who seem to have left when the new format came about. But, I think Alex wisely set up the Host format so that I and many others like me can go and try to say something to newbies or answer topics without and answers. Good for Alex and all us the oldsters!!Merry Christmas and happy New Year to everyone!!! Karen..aka..kll724

[cheryl2586 3,053]

I don't come here as often anymore because like B52 said we moved on to Facebook. The reason we left is because of people preaching constantly. You must read this, you must do that, people who would go against their doctors orders and want to be coddled because they didn't do what they were supposed to do. There is still preaching going on from certain people and it gets old. They post and blog the same crap over and over again and think that it is a joy to read but it's not. Also if you don't say what people want to here then the get mad and attack you like you killed their mother. It gets old. You either want advice or you don't its that plain and simple. You can't expect someone who followed their doctors orders to the T not be upset about someone who is three days post op eating a whole pizza. I used to blog about nutrition because that is what I was doing before this year. People said they were sick of me talking about what I do and had a big rant on here for nothing because in the end she is the one that looked like an idiot. You either want information or don't. Oh let me not forget the person who said we veterans need to get back here to help the new people out we owe it to them. No I only owed myself to get well. It's people like this that make us not want to be here. We would love to help but too many people put their hands in the pot and stir it. I am 50 years old and don't need a mother or someone to get pissed off about what I blog or what I do for a living. Yes I have worked in the medical field for 30 years and I do think I know what I am talking about. I taught nutrition classes but when I gave my opinion or blogged about it I was told they were sick of me throwing my career around. Well I wasn't I was just trying to be helpful. I don't need someone to email me and say I still read your blogs and I think you are a nice woman. I know I am and I don't need anyone to confirm that. I was just trying to help those who didn't understand their nutritional needs. Shot down every time. So this is why we don't come here anymore. We stay on face book and have a blast. I stop in on occasion but try not to make this my daily habit because I don't need undue stress in my life from people I don't even know.

[kll724 3,055]

I don't come here as often anymore because like B52 said we moved on to Facebook. The reason we left is because of people preaching constantly. You must read this, you must do that, people who would go against their doctors orders and want to be coddled because they didn't do what they were supposed to do. There is still preaching going on from certain people and it gets old. They post and blog the same crap over and over again and think that it is a joy to read but it's not. Also if you don't say what people want to here then the get mad and attack you like you killed their mother. It gets old. You either want advice or you don't its that plain and simple. You can't expect someone who followed their doctors orders to the T not be upset about someone who is three days post op eating a whole pizza. I used to blog about nutrition because that is what I was doing before this year. People said they were sick of me talking about what I do and had a big rant on here for nothing because in the end she is the one that looked like an idiot. You either want information or don't. Oh let me not forget the person who said we veterans need to get back here to help the new people out we owe it to them. No I only owed myself to get well. It's people like this that make us not want to be here. We would love to help but too many people put their hands in the pot and stir it. I am 50 years old and don't need a mother or someone to get pissed off about what I blog or what I do for a living. Yes I have worked in the medical field for 30 years and I do think I know what I am talking about. I taught nutrition classes but when I gave my opinion or blogged about it I was told they were sick of me throwing my career around. Well I wasn't I was just trying to be helpful. I don't need someone to email me and say I still read your blogs and I think you are a nice woman. I know I am and I don't need anyone to confirm that. I was just trying to help those who didn't understand their nutritional needs. Shot down every time. So this is why we don't come here anymore. We stay on face book and have a blast. I stop in on occasion but try not to make this my daily habit because I don't need undue stress in my life from people I don't even know.

I can understand you, there, Cheryl, people have beat you up, a lot! Well come visit and I, at least, welcome your knowledge. Karen..aka.kll724

[catfish87 3,471]

I've never been part of an online forum/chat group until this one, so this was a new experience for me....starting almost 5 years ago now.

When I joined, I'd get on here and just listen....LISTEN closely to what the successful folks had to say. I wanted to be like them!! And I'd also pay attention to the ones who were struggling, and try to find out why.....to avoid those same issues. There is a wealth of information that can be had from this site. Personal experiences that can never be replaced by someone who hasn't "been there, done that".

One thing I do sometimes, is go back and read veterans posts/questions from when they were starting out. It can be eye opening....we had lots of the same questions and concerns that are asked here every day.

Now for my little rant...

I was ready to leave about a month ago...Disgusted...not because of anything anyone said, but because I felt a sense of censorship coming from what I percieved to be "the site". Locking threads that are a hot topic, just because of differences of opinion? If someone violates a rule, is disrespectful or hateful, tell that person, and then ban them if they dont stop! (Which is what ended up happening in the instance I'm referring to....KUDDOS to the moderating team or whomever is responsible for how it was handled in the end.) I despise the shotgun approach to dealing with problems. We don't have to agree with someones OPINION, politics, views on issues. MOVE ON! Don't read the damn thing if it offends you....certainly don't try and limit someones OPINION just because you don't agree with it.

[Leepers 1,195]

The veterans' opinions are the best thing about this forum. I love listening to ya'll. I understand though about it being overloaded with the same newbie crap day after day. Maybe Alex could create some sort of private forum for special groups.

[cheryl2586 3,053]

Another thing I could never imagine is someone telling someone else they hate them on here. Really? How can you hate someone you don't even know. I am a writer, have my own columns in online websites and I can tell you this. If I write a story and ten people read it they will all take it and process it the way they feel it fits their needs. People on here trying to tell you how you said something and it was mean or rude and that was not the way it was intended. Stop reading in to what people write. You take words very seriously when the original poster might not have meant it in that way. I don't understand the two year old mentality of people here that think when you give them advice that they don't want they would say don't answer my post anymore I hate you. Really? You can really hate someone you don't know. I have to laugh. I have never in my life hated anyone that I did know. Maybe not always agreed with them but to be that hateful to say you hate someone is beyond my knowledge and no I am not bragging about my writing career either just telling people how others interpret words. I know someone is going to get upset about what I wrote the first time but if you feel guilty then you are guilty of the same things I have written. Others getting upset about the stars they get on their blogs and then blog about it. Really? That is just narcissistic that anyone would care if someone voted a one star on their blogs. I thought blogging was for your own self not to please anyone else. You have to have love for yourself and not worry about what others think of you. Just move on if you feel offended it doesn't have to end up in a giant free for all knock out match. I am sorry but that is just childish behavior. You shouldn't need affirmation from other people about yourself that you are good or you make them happy posting all the time. That I just don't understand. While I would love for people to read what I post I am not going to get a complex because they didn't like it. I will sleep very well tonight while your are awake thinking about this website.

Edited December 21, 2013 by cheryl2586

[☠carolinagirl☠ 18,722]

^{van halen 4ever}

Edited December 30, 2013 by ☠carolinagirl☠
edited because i wanted to

[kll724 3,055]

I agree with both you, cg and cheryl! But I am glad to host, at least I feel with "host" they think our opinions matter, a little! Haha! We are all just learners in a world where there are few experts! Well ladies, stay or go, I love reading you both! You too B-52, & catfish!Karen..aka..kll724