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Non-Supportive Parents



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I just finished talking to my parents about getting the VSG surgery after finally having enough of this lifestyle that I'm living.

I've always been the 'weird, fat girl' in school because I liked things that weren't 'cool' at the time, and I wasn't the model-type.

I'm 22 now, and secretly struggling with depression because of my weight. I look at other girls and wish I was like them, skinny and beautiful. In a way I feel jealous, and envious because boys give them a second look, and don't even bother looking at me,

After talking with them, they want to help me by going on a diet, and talking to a nutritionist and seeing what weight loss programs I can get on. I've tried everything, and still never saw any results.

I thought the surgery was the beginning of the long journey I'm heading towards to find true happiness, but the 'rents have shot it down.

#endoftheroad #nomorelightattheendofthetunnel

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Do you live with them?? If not they really don't have much if a say on what you can and cannot do.. But if you do I can see how that would be difficult. When I first mentioned surgery to my husband he said absolutely not! And he's in the medical field!

I asked please just come to a consultation with the surgeon with me.. It really helped, during that consultation he understood what I was going through. Also his fears calmed about the surgery itself after talking to the surgeon and getting his questions answered.

Ask them to at least go to an appointment with you or an support group. As far as happiness we need to work on that too and therapy I feel should go hand and hand with surgery :)

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I wish it was that easy. They think that I was to do WLS because I had a friend who did it; and in all honesty, it's about 3% of the reason I want to do it, because I saw the amazing results and I saw how happy he is now. But I want to do this for myself, so I can wake up every morning feeling content with the person I've become.

They're were totally spooked too when I said that I wanted to go to Mexico for the VSG.

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Is it a bad thing to see a friend get healthy and happy? It would be ok if 80% of your motivation was from seeing a friend that this worked for!!

Mexico... Yes I can see how that would freak a mom and dad out.. The best you can do on that is get together a bunch of information about Medical Tourism and it's safety.. There are some really good doctors that practice there (not all of course, so do lots of research) and they cater to patients from all over the world.

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I just don't get why they'd freak out over Mexico. We've been going there since I was six months old. They know the risks.

<_<

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I just don't get why they'd freak out over Mexico. We've been going there since I was six months old. They know the risks. <_<

Well that's good, they are probably grasping at straws then because they are scared..

And I would be too if my daughter wanted a surgery.. It's just what parents do :)

Listen I'm 47 and didn't tell my own mom until a week before my surgery :P I did this for me, no one else and I didn't need the drama.

But when I did tell her she was at first pissed but then asked "well can I at least drive you or something because I want to be involved"

If they are not willing to at least listen to your research. Then nicely tell them you love them and you are doing this (surgery) and you hope that at some point they can give you the support that you will need.

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:sigh:

I think I'm going to make a nice folder for them with information regarding the doctor and hospital, etc.

I just need to find a way to get the money...

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:sigh:

I think I'm going to make a nice folder for them with information regarding the doctor and hospital, etc.

I just need to find a way to get the money...

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:sigh:

I think I'm going to make a nice folder for them with information regarding the doctor and hospital, etc.

I just need to find a way to get the money...

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:sigh: I think I'm going to make a nice folder for them with information regarding the doctor and hospital, etc. I just need to find a way to get the money...

There you go, present it to them in a organized thought out way that shows you did your research.

And yep start saving that money knowing it's for a good cause :)

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My mother did not agree with me she just did not understand why could " not" do it on my own and she was afraid for me. On my first visit I took her with me she along asked questions with me. She was surprised and proud that I "survived" the two weeks of liquids only ob pre op. She was there with me the day of surgery and once I came out of the OR she told my doctor she did not agree with my decision still to get sleeved and told him the reason why he just looked at her and told her he understood and that she made sense I was surprised he didn't defend the procedure. Even though she does not agree she doesn't tell me anything negative and has been extremely helpful she was there with me at the hospital and here at home helps me and has been trying to make me comfortable she bought me Soups mad me done broths and looks forward to my success because she knows I wanted this even though she doesn't agree she isn't going to leave me alone plus I live with her =). My best suggestion is talk to her more become very knowledgable of the procedure as I did and just talk to her about it take her to a doctor here just so she could know what will happened and how it's going to help you. I understand the main thing is for her to support you.

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Amie - I hear what you are saying. When I told my parents I was going to Mexico for VSG surgery they freaked out. And I am 42 years old!

"You will go there and they will harvest all your internal organs and leave you for dead...don't think they have any other interest in you than making money...what did I do wrong that you would resort to this...have you even TRIED to lose weight on your own....what does your husband say about this?" Blah blah blah....

Fast forward 11 months later, I've lost almost 90 lbs and my mother has contacted my surgeon in Mexico to see if he would perform surgery on her! No joke.

I think our parents want the best for us and are terrified of the "unknown". Bottom line, if I could have done this for myself at 22, wow....I would have had a different life.

You know what is best for you. Love and listen to your parents, but form your own opinion and blaze your own trail. Surgery in Mexico doesn't cost THAT much. A part time job coupled with massive selling of unused personal property should get you the funds by summer. Good luck!

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I share the same feelings as you. I'm 24, and I doubt I will get any support from my family. My brother seems to be supportive, but my mom is not. I didn't even mention it to my dad. If I do it here in the states, I guess I would have to mention it to him though because I'm still on his health insurance (I'm starting a new job in 2 weeks but their insurance sucks) :( anyways from what I've researched about Mexican programs (I'm doing research in case blue cross blue shield denies me!) some will allow you to make small payments. Think of it like a car note payment :)

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If it makes you feel any less alone, I haven't told either of my parents yet. And I'm 45, married, have 2 children and a successful career. My mom is ultra anxious about anything medical and cannot be swayed, even with data presented to her. My dad, while more supportive of medical procedures, will have comments and thoughts about ME that will make me less confident in myself (he's certainly one of the main characters in my becoming obese). I will tell both of them eventually. I'll tell my mom just before (maybe a few weeks before) so she has less time to be worried. I'll tell my dad when I feel like nothing he can say will hurt me (not sure when that'll be). I will say this.... The last time I weighed 130 was probably 6th grade. The last time I was in the 160's was junior year in high school. I was 200 through college. After college, 2 kids, marriage, etc I've reached a high weight of 325 at 45 years old and a BMI of 50 (not to mention all the co morbids that will eventually catch up to anyone weighing 325 pounds). If I could go back to 22 (when loneliness and depression were getting a good grip on me) and I was ballooning up (actually I went from 235 to 190 from age 23-25 but gained it all back and then some -because that's what happens without long term changes) ..... Basically, I HATE that I waited this long to get help. You have sooooo much life waiting for you. It breaks my heart to read how you're feeling because I know exactly where you are. That was me. My parents would have tripped if I'd said I was going to Mexico to remove 80% of my stomach when I was 22. But, please, don't stop investigating, researching and planning. If I could go back.... The things I would do different. Actually, the technology didn't exist when I was 22 but you get my drift. Don't give up. Start gathering info. Save money. One day at a time. Please know that there are thousands of us who know what you're going through. Hang in there. Be strong. Take care of you!

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